what should we do about the ex

[miohmike11]

Hi I am new to this and my dh is having severe problems with his ex.  She has decided to pick up and move without notifying us.  This is against the law.  We finally found her and actually got to see the child.  Four days after we took her back, the ex went to school and yanked her out only to move again.  We were supposed to have her for Christmas but being that it was a week before, we did not get to see her.  We just found out last week that she is living in a motel.  My dh pays over $540 a month in support and she gets even more from her first ex.  She does not hold a job and continues to move.  We told her that dd was more than welcome to stay with us, she refused.  I don't like the idea of my sd staying in a motel while we have a good home to give her.  The ex has refused to let us have the court appointed visitation and everytime we threaten court she lets us have her.  When we take her back, she has her phone disconnected for a few months so we can't get a hold of her.  We are going 6 months at a time without visitation.  We have tried many atty's but no one will take the case even though they say we have a great case.  We have everything documented.  What should we do?  Also does anyone know how to make the ex stop bringing up the past with dh?  She is so jealous that everytime she talks with him about their daughter, she makes awful remarks about me and my son.  The ex keeps insisting that dh have visitation alone and not bring sd here to our home, not because I am mean to her, but because the ex doesn't want her daughter to like me.  We are expecting a daughter and comments were made about that.  Dh told her to move on with her life and stop worrying about ours.  Any suggestions how to help that?
Thanks for any help.  We are about to go crazy with this situation.

[sweetnsad]

Why won't any lawyers take your case?  If you have "a great case", then there shouldn't be any problem getting someone to represent you.  Keep looking, there's bound to be someone who will help.

Also, what is the court appointed visitation schedule?  She can be held in contempt for not abiding by it, so document EVERY move she makes, including the times she moved and her not allowing any contact with the child for months at a time.  Important:  DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT...You will hear that alot here.  Living in a motel can't be good either, so keep track of where she's been staying and for how long...it will show instability on her part.

To be perfectly honest, there isn't a damn thing you can do about what she says to her daughter about you and your son and your soon-to-be daughter...I go through this as well, and while it hurts like hell, the only way to deal with it, is to be consistent with your love for your SD...she will learn in the long run that her mother was wrong about you and will resent her for it later.  
She will always be jealous, you can't change that...just continue to fight for your SD and for what's best for her.

Good luck and I hope you find a lawyer that will help.

[miohmike11]

One of the major reasons no one wants to take the case is that we live 3 1/2 hours away.  Atty's here won't take it and the ones there say that they are just too busy or want WAY too much money for it.  Some atty's charge anywhere from 250.00 to 1500.00    To keep going back to court each time would break us.  

I too, document EVERYTHING.  It has paid off before so I continue to do that.  

Thank you for your response.  I will keep trying. although they told us today that nothing could be done as long as it was a temp situation.  We are still going to court though.

[hisliltulip]

I know where you're coming from on the jealousy issue.

BM of yss (5) actually told DH (in front of ss) "Why don't you just leave us alone?  You already replaced us with 'hisliltulip' and 'hisliltulip's son(5)'".

DH was appalled.  He informed her that though she was 'replaced' (she was the one who left him) no one would ever replace his son.

BM constantly talks poorly about me to SS.  I just kept loving him and treating him as I treat my own son.

It's been a long haul, but SS is very close with me now.  It took a lot of reassurance from me that he could love his Mom AND me.  That it doesn't have to be one or the other because all people were made with big hearts so that they can love a lot of people.

Hang in there.  Love that child, do special things with her, it may take a while, but she will figure it out.

BETH

[smtotwo]

File contempt for 6 months back, file a separate contempt charge for EVERY SINGLE violation of the court order.

Stop threatening court and DO IT!!
This has become a game to the ex and stepdaughter is the BIG LOSER!!

You can file contempt Pro Se.

Make sure that you file EVERY TIME she denies ANYTHING, even if its just phone contact..

Stop lettign her off the hook if she lets you see SD after you threaten court.

If there's not a VERY specific order for dates and times GET ONE!!

File contempt
File Contempt
FILE CONTEMPT!!

[Peanutsdad]

>Hi I am new to this and my dh is having severe problems with
>his ex.  She has decided to pick up and move without notifying
>us.  This is against the law.

Against the law?? To move?? nah,, damned inconvenient, but hardly illegal.


 We finally found her and
>actually got to see the child.  Four days after we took her
>back, the ex went to school and yanked her out only to move
>again.  We were supposed to have her for Christmas but being
>that it was a week before, we did not get to see her.  We just
>found out last week that she is living in a motel.

Ok, you probably have sufficient grounds to seek a custody mod due to unstable home life.



 My dh pays
>over $540 a month in support and she gets even more from her
>first ex.  She does not hold a job and continues to move.  We
>told her that dd was more than welcome to stay with us, she
>refused.  I don't like the idea of my sd staying in a motel
>while we have a good home to give her.  The ex has refused to
>let us have the court appointed visitation and everytime we
>threaten court she lets us have her.  


You will hear here,, document, document document. You HAVE to file a report EACH time visitation is denied. They add up to contempt and CAN reverse custody.



When we take her back,
>she has her phone disconnected for a few months so we can't
>get a hold of her.  We are going 6 months at a time without
>visitation.


Not having a phone really doesnt mean much.



 We have tried many atty's but no one will take
>the case even though they say we have a great case.

Why? it would help us help you if you can tell us why they wont take the case.



  We have
>everything documented.  What should we do?  Also does anyone
>know how to make the ex stop bringing up the past with dh?

what past????




>She is so jealous that everytime she talks with him about
>their daughter, she makes awful remarks about me and my son.
>The ex keeps insisting that dh have visitation alone and not
>bring sd here to our home, not because I am mean to her, but
>because the ex doesn't want her daughter to like me.  We are
>expecting a daughter and comments were made about that.  Dh
>told her to move on with her life and stop worrying about
>ours.  Any suggestions how to help that?
>Thanks for any help.  We are about to go crazy with this
>situation.


As far as her comments and atitude, you are flat SOL there,, get used to it. Vindictive ex's are the biggest factor in 2nd marriage failures.....Good luck.