About my soon-to-be-stepson...

[sweetnsad]

My soon-to-be step son, now 7 going on 8, resents me ALOT...his mother has filled up his head with nonsense like "she took your Daddy from us", "he loves her more than you", etc...

The other two, 5 and 3, aren't like that and are sweet and loving with me.  But the oldest just glares at me with hate and dares me to say anything to him to reprimand him when he is misbehaving, etc...

How do I deal with this?  He was VERY close to his father before his mom and dad split, but now that they live so far from us, my SO doesn't get the quality time he used to have with them...and I'm afraid the boy is very jealous of my relationship with him...we are very close and don't hide it from the kids.   He is also VERY mean to my daughter, almost 6...he hits her, breaks her things, says mean stuff to her, etc...My SO does what he can to make peace, but I need some advice as to how to deal with it.  I want to love these kids like they are my own, but it's hard when one of them hates you so much...

Any thoughts?

[joni]

eom

[sweetnsad]

I have posted my question to Dr.D, but I am also looking for some responses from people who know what I'm talking about and can relate in some way.

[nosonew]

I am going to prvt messg you...nosonew

[sweetnsad]

eom...

[Trent]

My step-son and I have had lots of adversion-starting at about 8.  In regards to how he treats you, you can't combat anything unless he talks to you about what is in his head.  Suggestion-take a walk (including husband) and make sure the walk is at least an hour.  It takes about 30-45 minutes before kids talk.  then be sure you do not address his mother in a negative way.  Find out how he feels and relieve the anxiety.  Joke with him-when he says really mean things to you, do not say mean things back (Oh boy have I wanted to sometimes)  just say to him, that really hurts my feelings or why are you trying to make me cry?  Realize he is probably just repeating what he's heard.   In regards to your daughter--you, your SO and the boy need to sit down and make some family rules with consequeces.  Kids love rules- and the consequences--they know where they fit then.  The boy needs to be a participant, not just lectured to, and he needs to sign the new rules.  Make sure he understands that your daughter's feeling are hurt, etc.  The boy may be jealous of her new toys--you need to find this out, etc.  His mom might be saying that you and your daughter are taking all the money and that's the reason why the boy can't get the pants or toys that he wants. That's my best suggestion-oh my step son is 15 now, and we've found a way to get along, though I have to say it gets worse in 7th and 8th grade.  Good luck