GRRRrrrrrr.......I just don't understand it.....

[thairagain]

Sd just got off of the phone w/ her bm.  As usual they argued the ENTIRE conversation!  I just don't get it!  If......(my mother always told me that was a rather large word for it's actual size).....if I lost custody of my children I would not call them on the phone to simply argue.  I would take EVERY opportunity to see them.  I would go to any and all school functions no matter who informed me of the function.  I would basically swallow my pride and try my best to continue to foster a loving relationship with my children.  But NO.....NOT THIS WOMAN!

Sd was so very upset and hurt at some of the things that bm said to her that she hung up on her bm.....sd seldomly does that.  

The comments were as follows (sd shared w/ dh and I cause she wanted to talk to someone):

1- Don't ever ask anyone else to call me when you have a chorus concert at school again.----sd had forgotten to call her mother; I told her that I felt it was important that her mother know about it so she could attend since it is one of the last concerts for sd in middle school.  Sd was walking out to the bus stop and I asked her if she had called her bm the night before; she said no and asked me if I'd call her instead.  I did.  It was just a short 10 second conversation...."sd asked me to call you to tell you of the concert tonight cause she wants you to be there".  The bm said thank you and said she'd be there and the conversation was over.  But she didn't show up for the concert.  She told sd tonight that it was to teach her a lesson that sd was supposed to call her and not anyone else.  

2- Your dad and thair drink so don't tell me that I have to stop; I can drink if I want to! (imagine the stomping....)---Dh has been sober for nearly 2 years now which is why sd decided that she wanted to live w/ us instead of her mother since bm is still a "practicing" alcoholic.  And Me??????  I think on Father's Day of last year dh bought me 2 4-packs of wine coolers to drink when we went camping over that weekend.  When we came home from that trip I had 1 full 4-pack left and 2 left out of the other 4-pack.  They were put into the refrigerator.  I think there are 3 in there now..........hmmmmm  that means I've drank 3 since Father's Day of last year.......am I an alcoholic??????????????  You know what.....maybe I am.....excuse me a moment while I go down to the fridge and get one!!!! lol-----YEP!  There were 3 in there!  Now there are 2 left......uh oh....I better get some help quick!

3- You are going to die of second hand smoke in that house!-------okay, neither dh nor I are proud of the fact that we smoke and we've both tried to quit as recently as last month.  I'm currently looking into going to one of those hypnosis classes or something.....BUT..... we only smoke in our own bedroom!!!!!  So it is not around the kids!

4- I'm not going to send you a Valentine's Day present now!-----Sd told her fine.....I didn't want one from you anyway!

5- Your dad is brainwashing you against me.------Yeah right!  Dh and I were in the middle of watching a movie w/ the boys and didn't even know she was on the phone w/ the bm.  It was okay w/ us.  We don't restrict her from calling ANYONE.  As long as it's not after 9:00 p.m. and not during dinner time.  Sd and the kids even have their own phone line so that anyone can call them to talk and/or leave messages in their voice mail.  If dh was "brainwashing" sd wouldn't he be monitoring her conversations w/ the bm a little more than that?????

6- You are going to end up 15 and pregnant!  That was the last straw for sd.  That was when sd hung up on her.  Sd felt that comment was a low blow against her own character as a person.  Sd is very proud of the fact that she plans on being a virgin when she gets married .......if she ever gets married.  Now I realize that sd is only 13 right now; so I MAKE SURE that we have those "girl/boy" talks in order to ensure that she is knowledgable and to encourage abstinence.  She is a very "picky" girl when it comes to her boyfriends, and has only had one since she's lived here w/ us since June of last year.  They only saw each other at school, except one time when sd INSISTED that he come over to our house to meet her dad!

I just don't understand it......sigh.....why doesn't she realize that SHE is the one pushing her daughter away??????

Thanks for letting me rant :)
thair

[Peanutsdad]

No thair,, you know this. That type of person NEVER sees what they are doing as wrong. It will ALWAYS be some evil manipulation that your DH is pulling.

She is so insecure with herself, that she cannot accept that her daughter would prefer ANYONE over her. Make sure the kid has access to therapy,, shes gonna need it .

[thairagain]

It just boggles my mind each and every time something happens.

Sd doesn't seem to need therapy right now.  She seems very confident in her decision to live w/ us and feels sorry for her mother.  In other words, she doesn't internalize anything her mother says to her.  She has a large support group meaning dh, me, her 2 maternal aunts, maternal grandmother, and her 21 yr old brother (no relation to dh), and her favorite pastor at her church.  Dh and I have discussed it many times over the years, but have determined that we literally couldn't ask for a more inteligent child who is aware of the games and doesn't let them bother her.  She will rant and rave when her mother pulls something, but once the griping session is over then the whole situation is put behind her.  I PROMISE that if sd begins to show ANY symptoms of these issues bothering her then I will get her into counseling immediately.  But for the time being, sd handles everything more maturely than many adults would!  I've learned A LOT from her.

In case you can't tell........I'M PROUD OF MY SD!.....then again I may be a little biased...lol

thair

[Peanutsdad]

LOL,, thair, I think we all are a little biased,, with good reason.

Your sd sounds as if she'll go far in life,,, to tell the truth, Im proud of her also. I think its outstanding how she handles it.