Adopting a step child

[Peanutsdad]

Looks like we have seen the last of this poster. As with all too many pbfh,,if she hears something she doesnt like, she turns the channel. The onlt real consolation,, is her dead hubby is probably resting in peace quite well. I find the dead are uniformly disinterested in the affairs of the living. LOL

[cuphalffull]

Well, you're right in one sense...you have seen the last of this poster. Sorry, I didn't respond to your insensitive post timely enough...looks to me that that was really your intention. ...to criticize someone and belittle them...sounds like a very insecure person who needs to get their jollies in such a fashion. I have better things to do in my life than check every day for responses to a message board...it was Valentines Day yesterday..much more important to spend time with your loved ones than on a computer.
I think it's very sad that all I did was ask a question and for advice...which I thought was the purpose of this board. Instead all I got was ridicule, judgement, and belittlement. The 3 words that come to mind that describe the people that have answered in such a fashion: bitterness, jealousy, and hypocrites.  
I'm sure that there are some very genuine, sensitive, and caring people on this board. I had the unfortunate chance to meet the ones who take out their frustration, unhappiness, and chips they have on their shoulders on other people.
Looks like I'll stick to taking advice from my friends and family...I was naive in thinking I could get solid objective advice from strangers who obviously have issues they haven't dealt with.  I don't know you or feel I owe any of you any more of my time or any more explanation.  Please deal with your own issues before you choose to cast stones at another. People are only looking for advice and help from your experiences. I would think that any one answering a post here would have that intention. Before you start judging someone else...take a long hard look in the mirror.  
I had a wonderful Valentines day with my soul mate and LOML (that's love of my life for those of you who only know the negative abbreviations) and our four children. I only hope that those of you that have so much bitterness in your hearts can find a fraction of the happiness that I have.  You can waste your time and get out your frustrations by answering this post...I won't be reading any more of them.
Good luck and God bless!  

[Peanutsdad]

Good, and good riddance.

[cuphalffull]

Well, you're right in one sense...you have seen the last of this poster. Sorry, I didn't respond to your insensitive post timely enough...looks to me that that was really your intention. ...to criticize someone and belittle them...sounds like a very insecure person who needs to get their jollies in such a fashion. I have better things to do in my life than check every day for responses to a message board...it was Valentines Day yesterday..much more important to spend time with your loved ones than on a computer.
I think it's very sad that all I did was ask a question and for advice...which I thought was the purpose of this board. Instead all I got was ridicule, judgement, and belittlement. The 3 words that come to mind that describe the people that have answered in such a fashion: bitterness, jealousy, and hypocrites.  
I'm sure that there are some very genuine, sensitive, and caring people on this board. I had the unfortunate chance to meet the ones who take out their frustration, unhappiness, and chips they have on their shoulders on other people.
Looks like I'll stick to taking advice from my friends and family...I was naive in thinking I could get solid objective advice from strangers who obviously have issues they haven't dealt with.  I don't know you or feel I owe any of you any more of my time or any more explanation.  Please deal with your own issues before you choose to cast stones at another. People are only looking for advice and help from your experiences. I would think that any one answering a post here would have that intention. Before you start judging someone else...take a long hard look in the mirror.  
I had a wonderful Valentines day with my soul mate and LOML (that's love of my life for those of you who only know the negative abbreviations) and our four children. I only hope that those of you that have so much bitterness in your hearts can find a fraction of the happiness that I have.  You can waste your time and get out your frustrations by answering this post...I won't be reading any more of them.
Good luck and God bless!  

[Peanutsdad]

Good, and good riddance.

[Indigo Mom]

You have a few things wrong....

-----The 3 words that come to mind that describe the people that have answered in such a fashion: bitterness, jealousy, and hypocrites. -----

I'm not bitter, i'm definitely not jealous of YOU...and a hypocrite?  Ok, sometimes I am...just not on this particular subject.

-----People are only looking for advice and help from your experiences. I would think that any one answering a post here would have that intention. Before you start judging someone else...take a long hard look in the mirror. -----

Considering i'm IN the step parent adoption situation, I felt I should respond.  The difference between you and I?  I would NEVER tell my husband he couldn't adopt because it wouldn't suit me financially.  He wants to be their legal father, he's been their daddy for many years, nothing in the WORLD would make me tell him he couldn't adopt them.  That kind of "power" isn't something I'd like.  Control freaks act like you do, and it wouldn't surprise me if your beloved "soul mate" and "love of your life" isn't around TO adopt them when they turn 18.  People usually leave power and control relationships after a while...then you and YOUR bitterness will be all alone...cept now?  No one will be there to give you money for your kids.  Then what?  Ya can't mooch off welfare when you have adult children.....

I guess I will never understand someone like you...someone who would deny their "soulmate" the one thing he really wants...to be the father to your children.  

The fact that you respond with such anger tells a story about you...one you know is true.  Mefinks your posts are how you truly feel about yourself...yet you project it on to others.  Run along now...back to Planet Mommy...where the money flows free, (at others expense)  the power is overwhelming, (at others expense) and to control others is the goal of everyone (at others expense)...even after death.  

[thairagain]

I think that this poster was treated a little too harshly.

Let's face it; each and everyone of us have considered the financial reprocusions of a legal decision at one time or another.  Each and everyone of us have griped about or at least questioned the obligation of receiving and/or paying CS for our children for whatever reason (ie.  I think I pay too much; I pay, but the kids wear rags; I receive, but it's too little; I receive, but only sometimes....... yadda yadda yadda). As educated adults who are concerned about the welfare of our children, we TRY to make educated decisions.  I feel that the attempt to make an educated decision was the original poster's main purpose.

I think the original poster asked a very good question!  I, too, were I in her shoes, would have been concerned about the children continuing to receive the death benefits from their natural father in the event of the step father adopting them.  The benefits have been applied to the children in the first place for a reason.  As a mother, it would have been careless of her to do ANYTHING to cause her children to be exempt from that benefit.  

JMHO

thair

[kiddosmom]

I am with thair on this one. The poster didn't GRIPE about the money ending, she simply asked if it WOULD.
I personally would love to be able to send my children to college.
The poster also said the $$ was going to the childrens college fund,,, not herself. A pbfh gripes that SHE is not getting the money and doesn't mention the children.

[Gordianknot]

making educated decisions for the best interest of my child however I still stand by my position that it is incredibly cold and calculating to try and find ways to gain fiscally from a father whose parenting skills she continues to criticize even in death while wanting to "replace" him as their father.

It never ceases to amaze me how heartless and cold this world has come to...that even the dead aren't respected anymore.

Sure, if you are intellectually looking at it...milk the dead daddy for all he's worth if the system let's you and then take the title of "Dad" away because he's dead.  If you are looking at this emotionally...well, according to my value system...it's just heartless and doing her children a huge disservice in the end.

[Peanutsdad]

Sorry Thair,, I gotta disagree.

This woman wants her childrens dead father to continue to be milked, while new hubby "adopts" them,, so long as it doesnt stop her gravy train.

Who do you think is footing the bill for her fiscal benefit?? Her dead husband she thinks so little of?? No! You, me, and every other taxpayer.

She wants her new hubby to adopt the kids,, be daddy in everyway,, EXCEPT for relieving the man she wants to no longer BE dad of any financial obligation. That is just wrong. Period. If he were alive and her hubby wanted to adopt,, the stepdad would then assume ALL the financial obligations as well. She still wants the cash, but doesnt want her kids to have him as a father any longer.

As an educated man, it offends me to no end to see this woman get away with skinning the taxpayers because of some loophole. How many tens of thousands will WE pay her ??  So her new hubby can play daddy, and we can pay for dead daddys  obligation. Real good values shes teaching.