Adopting a step child

[cuphalffull]

I'm new to this board....my husband passed away 4 years ago..my children were 7 and 10...now 11 (12 in Aug) and 14 (15 in May.). My new husband would like to be a father in every sense of the word...including adoption. (I live in PA). Anyone with experience with this...would this affect their receiving their social security payments from their father's death. Any help appreciated. Thanks

[Peanutsdad]

If your new husband adopts,, the SS stops. They no longer qualify as "orphans" because they once again have 2 living parents.

[cuphalffull]

Thanks for your prompt reply. That makes me very sad....that I have to make that choice. I've been using a lot of that to save for their college educations and can't stop receiving those payments. Perhaps the answer is to wait till they're 18 (when the social security stops) and just make their step dad their legal guardian for now....would that be different than proceeding with adoption now.  Thank you!!!

[Indigo Mom]

Allow me to bring one sentence from your first post...

-----My new husband would like to be a father in every sense of the word...including adoption. -----

If this is the case, the biological fathers money wouldn't even be an issue.  "every sense of the word" means just that.  He'll be accepting 100% financial responsibility for them until they turn "of age".  They won't receive their fathers money because a new "legal" father will be established...your husband.  It sounds, to me, like neither one of you are ready to approach the subject of adoption.  Money shouldn't be an issue when it comes to a step parent adoption.  Pure love should.  



-----I've been using a lot of that to save for their college educations and can't stop receiving those payments. -----

This saddens me.  Your husband, who wants these children as his own...still wants to "milk" their biological fathers payments?  How sad.  

I'm sorry if you think I'm being rude...I'm looking at this another way...in that your husband isn't serious about taking these children on 100% as his own.  

[Kitty C.]

Since my son collects survivor benefits from his dad as well, I am there, doing that as well.

I really don't see it that way.  Yes, your husband wants to be a father to them 'in every way possible', which includes financially, but that money they receive each month WILL go a long ways to their college educations.  The benefits that DS receives is more than double what I got in CS. And I might sound like a cheapskate as well, but I have NO intention of allowing anyone to adopt him as long as he's getting that benefit, regardless of the financial situations.  Up until a couple months ago, I was trying desperately to save at least part of it for DS's college education as well, but now that we've moved out, I will be forced to use more and more for just living, which is what it's intended for in the first place.

So now, instead of being able to go to college straight from HS, DS will be going into the military instead, to earn his college education that way.  Same goal in mind, just another path we/he have/has to take in order to get there.  And with the enormous expense that college can be (and you have TWO to worry about!), every penny you can get to cover it is a godsend, IMO........

I woudl definitely look into the legal guardianship, tho.  Cuz if something happened to you, your husband would have NO rights whatsoever with them and they would end up wards of the state and put into the foster system, unless some family came forward and fought the state for custody.  Designating a legal guardian is a safeguard against that.  And DO NOT do it with a notarized document only, put it in a WILL, as it will have more 'teeth' to it in courts.

[cuphalffull]

First of all, you are being more than rude. I was not looking for your subjective opinion, I was looking for information and possibly other people's experiences. I have not even discussed this issue of money with my husband. It came to my mind, when posting as I was not sure how that (social security ) would be affected. How dare you incinuate that my husband wants to "milk their biological fathers payments". You don't know my husband or myself. My husband not once has ever brought up this matter. Even when we were dating, my husband told me that he wanted me to know that he would adopt my children as he was that committed to us and now that we are a family, we are discussing this more.
Secondly, the amount of money that my children get each month is a substantial amount that will make quite a difference for them when they want to go to school. Their biological father did nothing for them (no disrespect for the deceased intended..it is simply the facts)...if they can benefit from this by having the money to make a difference in their future then I want them to have that. I'm sorry , I don't have unlimited funds somewhere else for them to attend college and we have two other children to take care of as well (my husband's 2 children). How dare you have the audacity to incinuate that we don't have "pure love" or are not ready to approach the topic of adoption. Sorry, but I've been through my house burning down, my husband suddenly and unexpectedly dying at the age of 42, my mother and sisterinlaw having cancer, medical issues of my own, moving, relocating, remarrying and accepting 2 new children into my life as well as the issues and hassles of an ex wife in the last 4 years. I deal with life realistically. How dare you make comments that my husband doesn't take this 100% serioiusly...you don't know what we've discussed...he has like I said never even brought up money. I am the one who wants to be responsible for making sure there is money for them to attend school...I feel that obligation...it's the least their biological father could provide for them, since he didn't give them anything else--again something you know nothing about.
Not that your opinion matters...but my husband is one of the most kindest, respectful, loving man I have ever met...he has opened his heart and taken on the responsibility of raising my children and being the father they never had....a rare breed of man...who will do it ...with or without the adoption.
Anyway, it's a mute point....I called social security office....his adopting them affects their social security in no way what so ever. Because their father died before the adoption will take place...there is no effect. That is their right...their entitlement.  So we will procede with the adoption...and my children will have their college fund and my children will be loved and cared for by 2 parents who are always looking out for their best interest. I was lucky to find one of the good guys still left out there in this cynical world.
 Thanks for making my first visit to this board such a memorable one

[cuphalffull]

Kitty,
Thank you so much for understanding...I just wrote a response to Indy. I was not happy with the comments she made, but I guess we are all entitled to our own opinions.
Your comments are exactly what I have been thinking...sorry, but it's a lot of money that my kids could benefit from and my husband agrees with the importance of saving it for their education. If he was trying to "milk their biological father" as Indy incinuates, he would be wanting the money for other things. Anyway, I'm not going to get into that again (you can read that post). I have inquired with Social security and since the survivors claim was made before the adoption will occur...they will continue to receive that money. We do have a will and my husband is named as their guardian if something would happen to me...another committment that he has always been willing to take on.
Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom...I appreciate your post.
God bless and good luck!  

[Indigo Mom]

I'm in a VERY foul mood today and was "extra" blunt and bold.  For that, I apologize.  (and to think...i'm not even pms'in....)

However, I still stand by my thinking that if he's their "dad" right now...if they love him and he loves them and is willing to accept full responsibility for them...let him adopt them.  Some people say the greatest "gift" you can give another person is a child.  I disagree...I believe it's giving your children to a man or woman who has gone above and beyond the "call of duty" when it comes to children that aren't his/hers.  

Your husband wants this responsibility...give it to him.  Share these children WITH him.  It wouldn't surprise me if this man finds a way to send these kids to school without any help from anyone.  

[Peanutsdad]

>First of all, you are being more than rude. I was not looking
>for your subjective opinion, I was looking for information and
>possibly other people's experiences. I have not even discussed
>this issue of money with my husband. It came to my mind, when
>posting as I was not sure how that (social security ) would be
>affected. How dare you incinuate that my husband wants to
>"milk their biological fathers payments". You don't know my
>husband or myself. My husband not once has ever brought up
>this matter. Even when we were dating, my husband told me that
>he wanted me to know that he would adopt my children as he was
>that committed to us and now that we are a family, we are
>discussing this more.

In Indys defense, all too often ncp get put thru the wringer for nothing but money. Any time anyone comes to these boards with primarily a money issue, it puts a bad taste in most mouths. We see and try to help far too many parents that are forced into poverty with crushing child support awards, and the only care the cp has ,, is the check gonna be on time you loser!!.



>Secondly, the amount of money that my children get each month
>is a substantial amount that will make quite a difference for
>them when they want to go to school. Their biological father
>did nothing for them (no disrespect for the deceased
>intended..it is simply the facts)...if they can benefit from
>this by having the money to make a difference in their future
>then I want them to have that. I'm sorry , I don't have
>unlimited funds somewhere else for them to attend college and
>we have two other children to take care of as well (my
>husband's 2 children).

Regardless of the amount,, would it have been an issue if it was fifty bux a month?? THATS what a lot of folks here would ask... Besides, do you think any other parent here has the kind of financial security to put children thru college? Despite what you say, the money IS an issue to you, otherwise you would have went thru with the adoption without thought of it. If it went away in light of an adoption, you stated you wouldnt allow an adoption to take place. So before you climb up on your morality high horse,, check your hypocrisy at the door.


How dare you have the audacity to
>incinuate that we don't have "pure love" or are not ready to
>approach the topic of adoption.

Ummm, I believe you already confirmed that issue by stating the adoption wouldnt take place if the surviver bennies went byebye. So, I wont even insinuate a thing, I just call em like I see em. Im more than happy to offer advise or resources to anyone asking,, and Im more than happy to render an opinion when someone posts like a hypocritical ass.



Sorry, but I've been through
>my house burning down, my husband suddenly and unexpectedly
>dying at the age of 42, my mother and sisterinlaw having
>cancer, medical issues of my own, moving, relocating,
>remarrying and accepting 2 new children into my life as well
>as the issues and hassles of an ex wife in the last 4 years.

While I am sorry you have had it rough,, I dont see the relevance to the subject at hand.. Are you looking for a pitypot? Sorry, Im fresh out. I dont even keep one for myself.




 I
>deal with life realistically. How dare you make comments that
>my husband doesn't take this 100% serioiusly...you don't know
>what we've discussed...he has like I said never even brought
>up money. I am the one who wants to be responsible for making
>sure there is money for them to attend school...I feel that
>obligation...it's the least their biological father could
>provide for them, since he didn't give them anything
>else--again something you know nothing about.

Well, facts be known. If a step adopts the children of a living father, he is relieved of the financial obligation to his children. The adoptive parent assumes that obligation. Personally, I am appalled that your dead spouse is not relieved of that obligation. Instead, we the taxpaying public get to continue to provide a check to you.



>Not that your opinion matters...but my husband is one of the
>most kindest, respectful, loving man I have ever met...he has
>opened his heart and taken on the responsibility of raising my
>children and being the father they never had....a rare breed
>of man...who will do it ...with or without the adoption.
>Anyway, it's a mute point....I called social security
>office....his adopting them affects their social security in
>no way what so ever. Because their father died before the
>adoption will take place...there is no effect. That is their
>right...their entitlement.  So we will procede with the
>adoption...and my children will have their college fund and my
>children will be loved and cared for by 2 parents who are
>always looking out for their best interest. I was lucky to
>find one of the good guys still left out there in this cynical
>world.
> Thanks for making my first visit to this board such a
>memorable one



Actually, your kids will have two fathers and a free ride on the taxpayer. Im sure he didnt pay into the ss fund the amount they will collect, thus we get to pay them, you get to scam the public, and you dear respectful hubby gets to dodge the financial obligation.  I do wonder however,, is he aware that he will be liable for child support to you if you divorce him?? Now,, wouldnt THAT be a hoot,, you scammin the public and gettin a cs check from him.

So regardless of your protestations of your pure motive,, it just aint there. I am glad however you got the answers you were looking for.

Good luck,
Signed,
John Q Public

[Gordianknot]

I'm going to concur with Peanut's sentiments on this one.  It just feels like bad business to receive funds due to their biological father's death while another man becomes legally recognized as your children's father.  The way you are handling this is incredibly cold.

Ultimately what leaves a poor taste in my mouth on what you've posted is that you seem to exercise no self-restraint  when it comes to criticizing the natural father, adding insult to injury by disrespecting his memory while *prospering fiscally* off his death.  Adding to the disrespect, you are seeking to replace him as their "father" legally AND still want their actual father's death benefit (holding him, in death, still responsible as their father)...though you no longer want him considered their father, it appears in life or death.

I'm sorry maybe I'm biased and emotionally reacting to this post because I'm a non-residential mother who knows that my child's father would have NO problems doing EXACTLY what you are doing after the death of the other parent to your child...right, wrong or indifferent...he's either treated as though he is their father in life and death, with all responsibilities that go with it...or he's replaced and released from those responsibilities.  It's a shame the system allows you to have it both ways, taking advantage of a loophole in the SS system.

My prayers are that he rest in peace.