Terrifying week

[DMcD]

Yes, DH is still gone. We only have about 3 1/2 weeks left and he'll be home. I desperately want a vacation. I just can't believe what this vile creature is doing to me and the kids. They were scared once they found out who the CPS worker was. They really got in and helped with the house and they were all worried about what was going to happen. They don't need that kind of stress. I know I certainly don't. It's over now. At least for the moment. I guess I'm going to have to really keep an eye on the house and make sure everything is clean. I also need to make sure there are always groceries in the cupboard. There usually is a ton of food, but now I guess I'll just have to stock up even more, just to make darn sure we never run low on anything. All I know is that now that they have come to the house and seen there is nothing wrong, it might work in our favor to show that a worker said the house was acceptable and that there were no problems. It's still an experience that I would have rather not had.

[DMcD]

I'm always on my toes. To be perfectly honest, I would have expected CPS at my house months ago when she first lost custody. It infuriates me that we went through the proper legal channels and got custody through the courts, she is trying to go about it this way. We could have called CPS on her. She has no heat in her house, SD and PBFH sleep in the same bed together because there isn't enough room in her house, the school she put them into beat OSS with a wooden paddle, she neglected their medical and dental needs for years and then there is the emotional abuse. Unwaivering, unrelenting emotional abuse. But how do you prove that? The other issues might have gotten her placed on a service plan where she would have had to get her house fixed, pull the kids out of the school and get them dental work and everything else, but we were content with getting custody and taking care of their needs while they were with us. We can provide some buffering of the abuse.

Yes, I have toys spead out all over the house. I have loads of laundry to do every day. I have six kids to feed, clothe, bathe and clean up after. The house is rarely spotless. I'm usually happy if it looks somewhat picked up. I love all the children more than anything. They are my whole world and now that they are here, I couldn't imagine life without them. PBFH was given chance after chance to correct her behavior but she blew it. She doesn't think she does anything wrong. Frankly, I don't think she does anything right. But each time I have ever so much as casually mentioned her problems, she has flown off the handle at me and started screaming and crying about how much DH hurt HER. She doesn't think about the kids. She never, ever thinks about the kids.

[putkidsfirst]

Hang in there!

I don't have much to add but another hug.  I found that helped a lot when I went through it.

It is a good idea to have CPS retain the file rather than destroy it though, for the next time she does this (and there WILL be a next time).  When she bothers them enough they will eventually stop responding for her, as long has they have the documentation to cover their butts.

Take a few minutes and breathe, take a half hour and put the headphones on, and recharge.  You are doing a phenomenal job in an extremely tense and stressfull (not knowing which charge will be next, what day, etc. - how do you plan life when you never know what minute CPS will ring your doorbell so some monster can get her kicks...) situation!!!!

She will get hers in the end.  And you will have the clear conscience knowing you did nothing wrong and she brought it on herself.

[Kitty C.]

I can't say anything different than anyone else has said, but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and your family.

When DH gets home, you MUST get away, even if it's for a weekend!  There are many creative ways to do that cheaply, but above all else, you NEED time alone together and time for YOU to recharge your batteries!

[DMcD]

Thanks for the info. I didn't know they would toss a file since they might want it for future calls or reports. I've already put in a call to the social worker to ask him for any paperwork he can provide on the case. I'll ask him to make sure the file is retained for any future reports that will be made by PBFH. As for relaxing, I think I have another 17 years before I can relax. Even after YSS turns 18, my kids will still be available for her to report on. Maybe she'll get heart disease or have a stoke. She is what doctors call "morbidly obese". I don't like feeling that way about anyone. I am not happy that I fantasize about a human being getting run over by a bus. I ask God to help me almost everyday. I hope that He can keep me from hating her and keep me from becoming the person she has become. Of all the ways she could win, that would be the worst. The last thing I want to be is a shell of my former self, eaten up inside with hatred, anger, biterness and spite. But that's all I see of her when I look at her or hear her speak. She is that shell of a person and it scares me sometimes. It makes me sad that my skids have that thing for a mother and not the tender, loving parent she should be for them. All I know is that I try very hard to let this stuff roll off and move on with my life without too much residual anger. I think that might piss her off more than anything - the fact that no matter how hard she tries, I won't let it get to me. That she can come after me with every trick in the book but I still survive and I'm still a happy person, a person who won't let her games destroy me. I think that will chap her hide the most.

[DMcD]

I'm running away when DH gets home. Rooms in the casinos are dirt cheap on weekdays during off seasons. I'm going to go up to Reno or Tahoe and take a few days with friends - NO KIDS ALLOWED! I'm not much of a gambler and those all-you-can-eat places only cost $6 a plate. I figure 3 days and 2 nights should cost less than $100 and I will be able to recover some of my sanity. DH can stay home and take care of the kids while I do that. To make myself feel a little better, I'll use PBFH's child support check to go. It's not like it won't be replaced from DH's pay, but just to use THAT money would tickle me pink. Going to Reno with the child support money - hee hee hee.

[Kitty C.]

Got an even better one for ya!  If they still run it, take the California Zephyr (Amtrak) up there!  Did that once WAY back when and it was really COOL!  Either that or go by Highway 50, as long as you aren't afraid of heights, rounding that curve on the side of the mountain as you're coming up on Lake Tahoe!  I love driving in the mountains and remember the time when we barely had 2 pennies to rub together and DS and I took a day trip to North Shore, saw Emerald Island, and had a picnic at the beach.

The casinos are a WONDERFUL idea!  Do Tahoe, cuz the scenery is SO much nicer!  And you're right about the prices and the food!!!  Go for it, D!!!!!!!!!!

[DMcD]

My friend and I are going to drive and share the cost of gas and the hotel room. Also, I think I'm going to go to Reno. One of our sparc buddies lives in that area and I'd just love to meet up with her for lunch. I don't think I've ever been in Tahoe before but I vaguely remember Reno when I was a kid on a road trip with my grandparents. We stopped and played in the snow. I do remember it was just beautiful up there. I love California. A three hour drive can get me to San Francisco and go to the beach or museums, skiing in Tahoe or Reno, Yosemite, or Lake county for water sports. I am definitely going to get away, though. I think I deserve it. I am usually pretty content with my life and my family, but dang it, I deserve a break!

[wendl]

OH D I am so sorry you had to go thru this, I can't believe CPS will go to a ncp parents house etc over a cp house anyday, In our area the only time they come is if 1) the school reports it or 2) there is proof of physical abuse going on.

I am so glad your thru this hump, what a witch for her doing and putting your family thru, cps should be looking into REAL neglect abuse cases.

(((((hugs))))))))

[SadStepMom]

It has been quite a while since I have been here (had to reregister and all) and I was so sad to see that you are still having a rough time with it all.

I can't believe the things PBFHs pull.

I just hope things get better for you.  You have your hands full, you don't need this added crap.

Best of luck!