Terrifying week

[DMcD]

I dropped the kids off with PBFH last Friday for the President's Day holiday. I didn't get home until after 1 PM Saturday morning. I got up with my kids early and was dead on my feet. My BIL came over later Saturday afternoon and let me take a nap. I didn't do much around the house at all that day. On Sunday, I took my kids to the park and I had asked my SIL to come over and help with the house a little. She helped some, but not nearly enough as I had hoped. I was going to be driving all day on Monday to pick up the skids so she PROMISED she would finish the house while I was gone on Monday. I had paid her $20 to help. I got home Monday evening and she hadn't touched the place. In fact, it looked worse than when I had left. She promised she would come over after work on Tuesday to help. The house was not clean at all. That wouldn't have been so bad except...

CPS showed up at my door on Tuesday afternoon. He was investigating a report that was made about all six kids. OMG, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I asked him what the report alledged. He said the report was that my skids were "scrawny, malnurished and they had to beg for food." OK, I'm no Martha Stewart, but they have ALWAYS had plenty of food to eat. He also said that there was a claim that I was always yelling at my kids, they were always crying and that I abused my boys. I don't deny that I sometimes raise my voice, but ALWAYS yelling? Hardly. With three kids ages under 5, there usually is someone whinning or crying. Abuse, though - NEVER. I rarely spank my kids and the few times I have, it was a quick whack on the bottom for something serious, like running into the street or trying to stick a screwdriver into the electrical outlet. I usually put them into their rooms or give them a time-out. He had already gone to the kids' schools and talk to the kids about the allegations. He said that it didn't sound like any of the allegations were founded but he wanted to check out the house. I was already mortified by the state the house was in. Thankfully, he was a nice guy and said he would come back on Friday to check the house and give me a chance to get it up to par.

I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Then I cleaned some more. All evening Tuesday, all day Wednesday and all day Thursday, I cleaned. I still wanted it cleaner, but he was coming back Friday morning. I wanted it SPOTLESS. I didn't want anything to possibly give him a reason to cite me, the house or anything else. So I stayed up all night Thursday night and finished cleaning every surface in this house. Every wall was washed, every baseboard was wiped down, every floor was scrubbed. I drank 3 double shot mochas and cleaned until I had hangnails on every one of my fingers and chemical burns on my hands from the cleaners, but you better believe that when he walked through the door Friday morning, he complimented me on how nice my house was!

Guess who you think called them? Our old friend, PBFH. I know CPS reports are confidential, but the only person who could have reported had to know what school the kids went to and what our address was. The only person who knew that was PBFH. The kids are registered in school through my SIL's address because she has better schools in her area. If it was the school that made a report, they would have sent CPS to my SIL's address. If it was a neighbor that reported it, no kids would have been listed registered at this address. The CPS worker couldn't have gone to the kids' schools to talk to them. None of our neighbors know the kids' names because our neighbors are either older and have grown kids or are young and have babies and toddlers. My skids don't know anyone on our block. No one from the school or the neighborhood would have reported any of that anyway. It's just not true. The only possible culprit is PBFH. Even my friends don't know the names of the kids' schools.

CPS has closed the case and had deemed the report as unfounded. I still have never been that scared in all my life. PBFH would love nothing more than to have my kids taken away do that I might know how it feels. I'm not perfect. I have made mistakes with my kids, everyone has. I don't think I deserve to have the kids taken away from me. I have always gotten them medical treatment, I always make sure they are clean, well fed, appropriately clothed. I love my kids and I do my very best to make sure everyone is taken care of. But still she makes this report. My skids "beg for food" and my kids are being "abused". What a crock of shit!

That woman will get hers in the end. She is going to die hateful and alone. Her kids will have seen through her and gotten tired of her crap and she will die alone and unloved. I hope my kids and maybe even my skids will say some nice things about me when I'm gone. I hope they won't have to dig deep to find those nice things to say. Thanks for letting me rant and vent.

[bananas]

Man, that bites.  In our area, you really have to have a TON of evidence of neglect to get a case.  Even then, it's kinda hard so I really don't think you had anything to worry about.  I know it was scary though.  Sounds like you handled it like a champ.

Let her dig her own grave.  Sounds like she's an expert digger.

[oneandonly]

And I hate to say this but I'd expect more of this in the future...
Don't know if this might help but maybe start taking LOTS of pictures--kids doing fun things...around the house...with date on them of course--might possibly be some kind of proof should this happen again...
What a skank--and to put the kids through this as well...

[DMcD]

Well, since the claim was mostly about the skids and their eating habits, I think getting regular check-ups will be a great way to prove they are eating and in good health. We took all three kids to get physicals in August. Last month, OSS had to get a toenail removal for an ingrown nail. He had grown an inch and gained six pounds since August. I took YSS in the Thursday prior to the President's Day holiday for a recurring cold and he had grown two inches and gained 15 pounds. FIFTEEN POUNDS but they have to beg for food?!?! Puh-leese!

I have scheduled SD for a check-up next week and that should show she is either gaining or maintaining her weight since August. I'll just make it a point to take them in every two or three months from now on, just to have it on record that they are healthy and well taken care of.

As for my kids, I also take them in for regular check-ups. If they were being abused, it's likely that the physician would catch something unusual and possibly document it. Also, ODS has just been accepted into a preschool program and should start a week from tomorrow so I will have a teacher that CPS can talk to about whether there appears to be any abuse or neglect. Frankly, the whole thing was just a desperate, pathetic attempt to dig up some dirt on my family. Since there is very little, if anything, that I do wrong, she can call all the time and they will come out and report the case as unfounded and PBFH will keep coming up empty handed.

Like I said, she will get hers in the end. Like my aunt tells me, just be glad that I'm not her. I couldn't imagine having to live in her skin.

[DMcD]

No evidence. None, nadda, zip, ziltch, zero. They can't find any because there is NONE there. As hard as I tried not to worry, my mind kept going back to all the horror stories of kids being taken from loving parents who may or may not have made a simple mistake. I was not knowingly doing anything wrong. The CPS worker didn't see that I had been doing anything wrong, either. It still scared the living sh*t out of me. And yes, she digs herself deeper with every passing day. She should be halfway to China by now.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

No...it's no fun having CPS called on you. For a year, my X repeatedly called them on me. They would would come rap-tap-tapping on the door unannounced...

Once it was because my kids weren't being fed. (Both kids are on the helfty side.) So they asked to look in my fridge. I asked the gentleman if he would like to stay for dinner, and would he like chicken, fish, or pork chops, and would he like corn, peas, or green beans.

Then there was the bruise on my sons leg. That one was taken care of by my daughter and neighbor child having witnessed him falling off his bike.

Then there was the time that I neglect to watch the kids. I let them run amok at the ballfields unsupervised. I took the gentleman onto my back porch to show him the grand view of the ball fields, basically right in my back yard. Oh goodness...there's a playground back there too!

Then there were more abuse allegations. He interviewed the man who lived in the downstairs apartment. He questioned him as to if he ever heard me screaming at the kids. Why yes, he heard me scream at them every night. Oh my, do you know what she's screaming about? Why yes...she's screaming..."KIDS!!! It's time for dinner!!!" And after dinner, we usually delivered a bit of dessert to him as well.

They were as sick of visiting me as I was of seeing them. I told them, hey, when you're in the neighborhood, stop in. Sometimes, there were toys all over the living room. But geeze, I guess that means your kids were playing and having fun. How awful!!!

So don't let it get to you. Smile and invite them in. But be forewarned. When my X finally learned he couldn't manipulate CPS, he found other means. Keep on your toes.

[Peanutsdad]

ROFL!!!,,

Sounds like my home.

Basically, in my home,, theres no tellin one day to the next,, which neighborhood kids will be there for dinner,, snacks. I just do a head count. So long as I got the rEQUIRED number of kids there,, I dont mind the extras.

[sweetnsad]

Wow D, what an awful experience..."skank" being the best word to describe her for sure...
All I can say is be prepared for more of this crap in the future...she sounds like a real piece of work...but don't worry...you are doing your very best considering the circumstances (your husband is still away, right?)...keep your chin up and keep the faith.  You are right..she will dig her own grave soon enough.
:-)

[lucky]

Oh, D!!!  I have been there, done that!

Hang in there, your dh will be home soon.  You are doing fine (under the circumstances) and I know that you know that.

(((((((D)))))))  and (((((((kids)))))))

PS  I know the allegations won't stop when your dh gets home, but at least then you'll have some support and someone to lean on.

[tulip]

Get their docor to document, on a regular basis, just how healthy they are!

Also, don't worry about the dust in your house. I know it makes you nervous that someone is going to "inspect" you and your house, but I don't think there is need to kill yourself over it. I am nuts about that, too. If I'm having company, I want the house to be perfect. I will stay up all night cleaning, because in the daytime, I'm busy taking care of my kids. Usually if someone comes over, and I haven't had time to clean, I apologize for my messy house. And they go "What? It looks like a family lives here!"

They come to look for dirty clothes and dishes, bugs, stuff like that. Not scuff marks on the wall. But I bet it's nice to live in a nice clean house for a few days anyway, right?