Step-parent privaledges

[mango]

I am a step-mom, and have been involved with this child since age 2. Mother has been in and out of the picture, and for past 5 years in and parenting 50/50 with father. However there is programming and lots of anger and hatred coming from the mother. No cooperative parenting since it is so hostile.

Well last summer my husband asked me to talk to her (SD) about female period stuff. (she is 10) So I did, I also talked about sex, and self respect, and preserving herself for the right person. Having respect for herself.

Well several weeks later I received a letter from her mother telling me to butt-out. That my conversations with "her daughter" were too personal, and I was overstepping my boundary as a step-mother, and I should understand my limits. That I need to leave the mother-daughter relationship to her and her daughter, and I should act only as a "friend" towards her.

My take on it is, we (my husband & I) parent together, and he asked me to discuss some things with her so I did. I also feel that as long as she lives under my roof and has influence over my own daughter, I will instill my moral beliefs about things as best I can.  But maybe I am wrong about this?

Do you think I oversteped my bounds, and should stay out of some subject areas.

[Kitty C.]

Nope, but what you should have done was tell her to talk to your husband, since he's the one who asked you to talk to SD in the first place.  It's not like you did this of your own free will, you were ASKED, big difference.  If the BM has her panties in a bunch over it, she needs to take it up with the father.

Oh, and when he does talk to her about it, remind him to tell her that teachers ALSO talk to girls about this..........is she going to tell them to back off too????  Force her to think how ridiculous she sounds........

[kiddosmom]

I understand ' mother boundries' in some cases that would be overstepping. With mothers who are actually there and have the best intrest of her child at heart-- then it would be overstepping and i would tell dh he needs to ask the mother to have the talk with her.  In cases where the mother is iffy-- go ahead and talk to sd.

[rachaelmomma]

I don't think you have overstepped any bounds given that you are the primary mother figure.  Also,  the BM wants you to act as a friend and wouldn't a friend discuss such things?  I talked about all kinds of stuff like that with my friends when I was a pre-teen.

In any event I would refer this to the bio-dad and tell him to deal with BM.  She is his problem not yours.  You are only looking out for the best interest of the child.

[annas mom]

Maybe in the future you should have your husband request that the BM discuss issues like this with their daughter. At that point, if she refuses, then she can't complain when you talk to her about it. Certain things are iminent in a young girl's life and they need guidance from a mother figure (be it mom or step mom) so give her the option and if she drops the ball, then she has no room to complain.

[mango]

Well problem is, the BM is a bit more liberal in her views, then I. She believes a child of 14 should be put on the pill if sexually active.

I tend to disagree. I think a young girl needs to learn some self-respect and dignity. Additionally I do not think a child under my roof, influencing my own daughter should be having sex at age 14 with permission.  She certainly will not have permission form us.

So, I gave my moral views. In hopes that the child does choose the high road to life, and not the slutty one. :-)

[glross]

>Well problem is, the BM is a bit more liberal in her views,
>then I. She believes a child of 14 should be put on the pill
>if sexually active.
>
>I tend to disagree. I think a young girl needs to learn some
>self-respect and dignity. Additionally I do not think a child
>under my roof, influencing my own daughter should be having
>sex at age 14 with permission.  She certainly will not have
>permission form us.
>
>
not even getting into the moral issues of a child being sexually active but since the biomom is so "liberal" is she also smart enough to realize that the pill only offers protection against pregnancy and doesn't save her child from anything else that she might encounter.........?????
BTW I agree with your thoughts on self-respect BUT if the biomom is going to be so permissive she also needs to be smarter and more thorough.  No her little girl won't get pregnant(maybe) but in this day and age there are worse things that could happen.....:(
poor child!

[wendl]

well if she is 10 I know my son and the girls in his class had a small sex education at school.

But I agree a child at 14 should not be sexually active, however I do agree putting a child on the pill is a good idea, not to give the child free rain to have sex but to protect herself if she should be in a unfavorable situation, I know at 14 I had something happen to me and luckily I was on the pill, I was not sexually active but was forced.