Does it ever get any better???

[Xcowgirl]

I have been dealing with a PBFH for OVER 7 years.

Will she ever get tired of this drama she lives in and puts us through?

I "deattach" like I am "supposed" to do, but she get's away with everything while we get slapped every time......

When is the system going to work for the NCP's?

All the manuals the courts provide are on how to nail the NCP and there is nothing in writing on how to slap the CP's when they are in violation of the court orders....

I am furstrated and sick and tired of fighting with her.  Is it that hard to follow a court order and be quite?

AGGGGGGGGGGG!

[Kitty C.]

Yup, it does.

Remember the saying:  they have them ONLY the first 18 years, YOU have them for the REST OF THEIR LIVES.

It gets better when the kids become adults, and sometimes even before when they wise up and don't want to deal with the CP's BS anymore.  It gets better when the karma starts coming back around and bites the CP in the backside.

Any Catholics out there, is there a patron saint of patience?  If so, that is SM's and NCP's patron saint!

[Xcowgirl]

I hope it does.....

Funny thing you said about the the first 18 years...

The court ordered Mediator, said something similiar to my DH "Custody isn't FOREVER"........

We are NCP's...

Slowly the ex has being given a dose of her own medicine.

I truely do not want to "Hate" her - I just wish she would put the kid first and back off!

[joni]

St. Julia
Patron Saint of Victims of Torture

[mango]

We have been in constant battle for 7 years! SD is 10 now. I have been married for 7 years now. We have had 3 different court orders, because the mother is never happy with any of them. Not until she has full-custody. Slowly she is getting more and more custody, and not only that she is successfully brainwashing the child.

This week is a turning point for me. I have decided to stop stressing about it all. If she is successful in getting her to "desire" to more away, then so be it. After 18 she can come around, maybe she will sooner. But my husband and I have 2 kids of our own and another one the way, and we can not sacrifice any more $1000's of dollars to this.

We are in court over every 3 to 6 months. My husband is a "nice guy" and usually gives in more then he should.

Right now the mother is trying to block our time by enroll the SD in a (year-round) swim club that practices 5 days per week and has meets on the weekends. This dominates all the fathers time. She portrays the father as uncaaring about his daughters activites. But fails to see that it leaves her no time to spend with her family, at all.

We offered private lessons or many other solutions to get her to swim, but it's her way or now way. She has convinced SD that she "wants" to be in this swim club. It's insane!

She filed contempt aginst him and now he is scared that he will be found in contempt. But I don't thinks so. It's a 50/50 plan and he has a right to do what he wants on his time, and she on hers. But he may cave.

So now I am dealing with the thought of being stuck in a stinky swimming pooll every weekend with 3 toddlers, instead of camping and doing htings families hould be doing.

Sometimes 18 is not fast enough!!!

[Kitty C.]

;-)

[Xcowgirl]

The PBFH - enrolled my SD in a travel Cheer team...and expected us to take her all over the place - We Flat out refused.  The ex's cannot tell us what to do during our parenting time, the judge has even said so.  

DH told SD - sorry honey - we have to many family activity planned - your mom should have thought about what goes on in this home also.  We do not sign you up for things that would envade on her time and she should have given us the same thought.

Dh works ALOT...I do all the running - I know this sound terible - but my boys come first - SD doesn't live with us and her activities come last.  I am the boys MOM FIRST and it is there home - she is my stepdaughter - if she respected me and treated me different, then things would be different - but until that day arrives - she get's treated as she treats me - SECOND!

I sound cold - but 7 years of being treated like this has left a bad taste in my mouth and I pray that the kid will wake up and realize that I love her and I am not going anywhere!!

[mango]

Cowgirl,

Did bio-ex take you to court over the cheer team? The judge ruled in your favor? I feel a littel better about things if that is the case. Our court date is June 29. I hope the judge rules in favor of the father having a right to do as he wishes with his daughter on his parenting time.

Especially since he has 3 other kids, and it would not be right to force him to only cator to one child, 3 out of 4 weekends per month doing swim meets. His other kids need him too. He does have an obligation to his current family as well.
I can't see taking the whole family to meets. Unless the judge rules that the mother is allowed to take her to teh swimming on our parenting time, but then we eessentially loose our 50% of custody.

[Xcowgirl]

We recently requested a change of our judge...we got a new one...a woman - VERY FATHER friendly..I love her....

This issue was brought up on several occasions, but the last time we were in court (Feb2003),over MORE CS - PBHF actually got LESS....she was boo-hooing to the judge that due to her cutting her support that she wouldn't be able to afford the extra activities, the judge asked for her to go into detail and that was DH's IN.....she explained what it was and all in intaled.  DH stated to the judge, that when PBFH signed her up for this - it "Dictates" how he is to spend HIS parenting time - the Judge agreed and informed PBFH that DH doesn't have to take the child to ANY activities that PBFH signs her up for UNLESS HE WISHES......

So in answer to your question - yes it is a court order....

Come to find out - the PBFH told SD that she ins't allowed to go at all - due to the fact that "they" don't have the time in THEIR schedule's for all that traveling....SD said - well Cowgirl has taken me and MADE time...that just made mom mad...

If it makes her look good - she does it - if it make me look good - she refuses to do it - PBFH put HER first not SD....it's so wrong...