Bizarre SD behavior....has anyone else experienced this?

[joni]

We just had our 7 year old SD last weekend.  We took her to see Shrek 2.  While we were waiting for the movie to start, I was reminding my SD about Shrek 1.   She's says, "Oh yeah, I remember that one, my mom took me to see it."

I said, no honey, we bought you the movie the last time you were here because you hadn't seen it and that's when you first saw it at our house.  She's says, oh yeah, that's right, my mom took me to see Cat in the Hat.  My DH says, no, remember we saw Cat in the Hat together at this very theater, with your friend Halie?  Oh yeah, she says.

On Saturday, I taught her how to play hop skotch.  Well, first she drew the diagram and said she already knew how to play.  I said for her to go first.  She throws the stone done and says "Look, I got a 3."  It landed on the #3 square.  Then she throws it and it lands on the 7 square, she says, I got 7, that's a total of 10!  I thought it was cute and asked her where she learned to play like that, she said she saw it on TV.

Then I showed her how to play hop skotch and we played all afternoon.  I thought, what a great memory I'll have with her when she's older.

Yesterday, we stopped at my friends house and she was playing hop skotch with her daughter, so we joined their game.  My friend said to my SD, you're really good at that, where did you learn to play so well?

My SD says....my mom taught me.  I couldn't believe my ears.  I feel like we're losing all our memories, she's replacing her mom  with things that we're doing with her.  

The BM has physical custody...well, actually, BM is emotionally checked out on the child, the child spends most of her time with her grandma.  Child spends most of the time in her room playing alone.  They live out of state.  We've challenged custody based on a lot of occurences and we're denied.

Like I said, I'm afraid we're losing our memories.  I was just curious if anyone else has experienced something similar to this or had any thoughts about it.

[1angrystepmom]

You Said... " the BM has physical custody...well, actually, BM is emotionally checked out on the child, the child spends most of her time with her grandma. Child spends most of the time in her room playing alone"

Sounds to me as if SD is in need of some attention from her "mother. " She seems as if she is having "fun" with you, and needs to involve her mother in memorable/meaningful things as well.  Sometimes in neglectful parent/child relationships, the children feel the need to be "protective" of a parent.  

Amber

[Kitty C.]

There's a flip side to this as well.  Maybe she meant YOU when she said 'Mom'!  If her own BM is 'emotionally checked out', maybe she sees you as the only mother she's got.

[janM]

She seems to be creating a fantasy Mom who actually does fun things with her. It's hard for her to accept that hers does not, and other kids' moms (and stepmom) do.

I understand you feeling hurt by it. I hope things get better for all of you.

[mango]

YES!!!!

How strange. But we had the exact same problem with my SD.

In fact we share 50/50 but same deal mother is always leaving her at a grandparent isntead of spending time iwth her.

I am no threapist, but I think the child places good memories with the mother since they have no real memories with them. That is hard for them.

i started to keep journals, and take pictures of vacations, so she had subtle reminders of teh good times with dads house.

It's frustrating, but it has gotten less.

[nosonew]

I agree with the other posters.  I think she needs to have "good/fun memories" with her mom, but doesn't have enough.  Or she could be referring to you as mom, although if that were the case, you would likely know that.  

You may ask on the psych board about it...perhaps you shouldn't correct her right now...sounds like she is having a tough time regarding her mom. :-(