Nice Dinner Party - Vent

[Ref]

We took to have dinner with some friends that have a daughter around the same age. We had a really good time but conversation haulted when SD said a couple of things.

1. We were talking about dangerous neighborhoods (where I went to college) and SD said "I live in the ghetto in FL". Not defensively but obviously ashamed. Made me so mad that BM chooses to let her experience that shame.

2. SD called BM that morning and BM told her that her pet was dying. She had finally brought it to the vet after months of seizures. Originally BM said that the pet was sick because SD was away with us not because he might have cancer. Anyway, SD said "everytime I visit my dad my pets get sick". I wanted to say something so bad. Our friends gave us looks of understanding.  Maybe I will try to fit in conversation that the pets are sick already when she comes but don't make it to the vet for diagnosis until after she is here.

Just a little vent. Thanks

[Kitty C.]

Munchausen's by Proxy has been mentioned here many times.....but this almost sounds like MBP on the pets!  Like the BM is trying to suck your SD back in by making the pets ill and making her feel guilty by being gone!

Stranger things have happened..............Call your local ASPCA and see if they've ever heard of anything like this.  In some jurisdictions, what's going on with those pets could be considered a serious offense, punishable by fine and/or jail.  If she's failing to get them treated, she could be in some serious trouble, depending on where she lives........

[Ref]

That crazy thought struck me too. The part that was the kicker was that SD just got done on a whole gma bashing tyraid(BM's mom has been kicked out of her life for years) about how gma would get rid of pets when she was at school. SD would just come home (when they lived w/gma) and her fuzzy little creature would be given away by gma. Like mother like daughter. Can only hope that the chain will be broken.

I really don't think it is the case. The pet was demonstrating symptoms prior to SD being here that are consitent with a very common form of cancer for the species.

[stepmom74]

Maybe, if this one lives, you could consider taking this one with on the visitations too.  That way your SD doesn't have to worry about them and she would feel more at ease when she comes.  

I don't know if that's even an option for you but if its little like a guinea pig or hampster it wouldn't be so bad.  If it's a big rottweiler I wouldn't want to bother with something like that, of course.  

Do you have pets at your house she takes care of when she's there?  Maybe if she had another animal to worry about she wouldn't feel so bad about leaving her other pet behind.

I sure hope her mother isn't doing something to them while she's gone.  That's a pretty psycho thing to do but you know, I wouldn't be surprised either.  Just tell her to have her mom buy her a new pet if this one dies.  I think that's one of the hardest things kids have to go through, next to a parent dying.  I still miss my dogs I had when I was a kid and I'm 30 years old!

Hope everything works out!  :-)

[Ref]

We have 2 cats and that is about all we can handle right now.  As part of her chores she feeds and waters the cats 2 time a day. She has grown-up with our kitties in her life.

Unfortunately we live across the country from her BM and no airline will take exotic animals. We don't have much of a choice but to leave her pet with BM.

Honestly, when I heard that this pet was ill too I had images of BM pouring Lysol in its water. She is a nut case. I have to reign in my imagination a bit because even though she is a fruitcake, I really don't think this is the case this time.

SD told me that BM does not like the species anymore because they are high maintenence (another reason for me to think she is bumping them off). She does not think BM will allow her another pet. SD is an animal lover too, so that will be very hard for her.

Apparently BM told SD that her pet only needs mediation although it has terminal cancer. She also said they caught it early. I have researched it and found that surgery is recommended. Guess BM doesn't want to do that. It allows the pet to live for so much longer too. Oh well.


Thanks for your advice!

[Kitty C.]

I think your 'feelings' are right on and I'd be putting a bug in the local animal control where the ex lives, at least to give them a heads-up and maybe they can watch or investigate further.  Many places the consequences for abusing animals is pretty severe.  With all that you've said about the ex, it wouldn't surprise me a bit if she was trying to 'off' them.........  Report her ass..........