Stepssons 8 & 10 stealing....HELP (kinda long)

[smtotwo]

On Fri. we picked ss up from old school, psychomommy moved AGAIN, and we found out from the kids 2 weeks ago.  

Friday was the last day at old school.  Sunday psychomommy called DH and asked if the boys could stay until Monday night while she finished moving and transferred school records.  DH had to work so he asked me.  I said that was fine.

Yesterday while getting their things together, yss had emptied his backpack so he could pack it with toys to take outside,  I  was putting his things back in his pack and found 3 of my sons comic books. He's and avid collector and 2 of the books cost more than $20.  I told him he couldn't take them and needed to ask DS if he wanted to borrow them.
He put them away and never asked about borrowning them.

OSS wanted to take a shirt home he had here, a button down spiderman shirt that was too small for DS, and another shirt that DS still wears. I told him he could take the smaller blue shirt. but had to leave the other as DS still wears it.

After I dropped them off with their mom I went to put laundry away and their was an empty hanger sticking cockeyed out of the closet. When I pushed it back I realized the second shirt was missing also.

Their was also $1 missing off of DH's dresser. Just a dollar he'd thrown there at the end of the day.  All 3 boys said they didn't have it.  When I did laundry I found 2 little debbie wrapppers in OSS pants pocket.  You know the kind 50 cents each.  And logic tells me that he took the stupid dollar.  Its only a dollar but clearly theres a pattern of behaviour here.

How do we address this?   Dh just said the other day that EVERYTHING is his kids fault when their here.  Well I don't think thats true  but we probelms with them that we don't have with my son.

HELP!!

[wendl]

You need to let dh know its not always his kids (the stepkids) it's harder for them as teh one child in your home all the time.

As for oss stealing $1.00, ask him, give him the opportunity to fess up, if he does, make him work off the $1.00 he stole.

As for stealing clothes, no longer allow the child in DS's room, keep it off limits as things are disapearing, again give the child the opportunity to fess us.  

Punish him how you see fit for steailng etc. But you need to stop it before he steals from a store and gets caught.

Better yet, take them down to the local police department and have then tell the kids what happens to people who steal. Might be an eye opener.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[4honor]

We made a specific consequence for it.
If you steal you get a spanking (a swat per year of age) AND you have to return the item or if you can't (ate it or broke it) then you must make amends however the owner wants.

The rule goes: "Don't take anything that's not yours without permission." If you take something that isn't yours and the owner didn't say you could, THAT's STEALING!!!! If its yours it isn's stealing, if you have permission it isn't stealing... you get the idea.

DS1 (age 7) is notorious for stealing food. Can't keep him out of the refrigerator. He was floored when he got caught for stealing cookie dough and eating it. I not only gave him his spanking (seven with the board of education to his seat of higher learning), but then I demanded restitution... he hates helping his little brother DS2 (age 6 on Sunday) clean his room. Then DS2 got to play and DS1 still had to clean his own room.

We are stil working on chores  -- they are what you do because its your duty as a member of the family.

[wendl]

our rule

IF it is NOT yours DON"T touch it PERIOD!!

If they do they get into trouble.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[sweetnsad]

My stbstep-son stole $20 from me about a year and a half ago....I had emptied my pockets and put the money on the counter in the bathroom.  The next morning it was gone...but when I had gotten up in the morning, I saw he was up and he was in the closet by the door doing something.  I didn't question it.

Later on in the day, I noticed the money gone and asked SO about it....he said he never touched it.  So, I asked the kids.  Nope, they never touched it.  This went on for an HOUR.  Finally, I remembered the boy in the closet in the morning and asked him to empty his jacket pockets for me.  Lo and behold, there was the money.

I thought SO was going to kill him.  He was so angry!  And, they were just going back to their mother, so we couldn't even punish him!

Needless to say, we are very careful now....he's been spoken to since, but he's also been caught stealing $60 from his mother since.

Sigh...what do you do???

[bigsigh2004]

taking small amounts of money from her purse or pants pockets that were around.  SD at the time was 12 or 13? I'm not sure.

Although she recovered the money (most of the time) she made SD work off the value of what was taken in the first place. She'd assign extra chores and duties specific (low incriment) dollar amounts and SD would have to do those chores until the theft was paid off, or even just the intent to steal was if she was caught in the act.

Back then apparently her neighbor had a rather large dog so one of the  forms of repayment were having to go over to the neigbor's house and clean up any "gifts" fido left in the yard. Picked up by hand with only a baggie attached to it. Can't think of a better deterent for stealing $20.00 bucks to go to the movies with friends than having to pick up steaming piles of poop practically with your bare hand.

Pretty much makes the money not worth it.

[Kitty C.]

I'm gonna have to remember that one!  We don't have a dog, but our neighbors do!  Where there's a will, there's a way!

[smtotwo]

On saturday My son had his $2.50 in juice money (money for a drink when he takes lunch to school) on his desk.  Son was at his dads for the weekend.

OSS asked DH if he could take a walk, no big deal.  However, when I realized how long he'd been gone I went into bedroom and checked and the money was gone.

When he came home we confronted him, first he denied it, then when I told him I knew the money was there that morning, he said that My Son told him to go buy soda.  My son left for his dads at noon on friday, they didn't get here until 6 p.m. friday.They never even talked to each other.

I grounded SS from my sons room for the rest of the weekend.  Later, that day I had to work and DH allowed SS to spend the night at a friends house!!  I was furious!!  Some punishment, can't play in the room, Dad can I fo somewhere else for the night? Yeah sure!!

He lied about the black spiderman shirt and DH will not confront him, but I most certainly will!!  DH asked psychomommy about it, just asked if SS had a black spidey shirt, she said she didn't know.  If we push it she will protect son like a bear protecting her cub!!

So, now what do we do?

[sweetnsad]

Must be a good week.....last Friday, SO got a call from Mom saying that OSS stole money from her purse AGAIN!!!  $10 this time.  

You and DH really need to get on the same page about punishments and discipline, especially when it comes to something as serious as stealing.  Otherwise, he's going to play the both of you like violins.

My SO grounded son from his bike and from TV for a week....the only problem is that Mom would have to enforce that seeing as they live two hours away.  I also suggested that he work it off, but she didn't like that idea....she told SO that between school and stuff, she wouldn't have time to do that....*sigh*

I got a really good suggestion from someone.  Arrange to have something of value stolen from him so that he knows how it feels to have something taken from him that he loves dearly.