Can I vent again, just a little?

[oklahoma]

We are back to "normal" visits now EOW, since the end of September.  We wanted to switch a weekend for several very good reasons, but it's not a huge deal, and we are fine if BM says "no."  We just would like to know what to plan for.

BM goes back and forth about talking to my husband on the phone.  Earlier this summer they agreed to set up an email account specifically so that my husband can communicate with his daughters and with BM. (BM doesn't want us to send messages through SDs, but the only communication she will allow is through SDs email--go figure!)  We played along, sent BM an email over a week ago to ask for the change--no response.  My husband has tried calling the past few days--no answer.  Finally OSD called tonight to say "Hi!" and "See you tomorrow."  When I asked about switching weekends, she said they hadn't checked their email.  Oooooh, the frustration....

OSD also said that she does have a volleyball game this weekend--news to us.  We have TRIED to keep in contact with the coach and get a schedule so that we can get OSD to as many of her games as possible--the games are all on Saturday 2 hours from our town.  The last game we found out about the day before--as I was leaving to pick up SDs, I had to leave a message on my sister's voicemail asking if we could spend the night at her house (she lives about 20 minutes from SDs), so we could go to the volleyball game the next morning, and then make the two-hour drive to our home.  I picked up SDs and just showed up on my sister's doorstep--with two hours notice and 4 kids, ready to spend the night.

What it so difficult about communication?!?!  And how about some planning?  BM plays like she can't make last-minute changes because it is too difficult or confusing or whatever, but she doesn't communicate in order to make more advanced changes.  Grrrrr.......

[wendl]

Have you ever thought about sending a letter certified return receipt when you would like to make changes in the visitation schedule??

This may help you in the future. Thankfully sounds like you have a good sister who is willing with little or no notice to let you stay with her, cuddos to your sister.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[purrrfectgirl]

Oh, I feel the pain.  DH has an ex like that.  And the worse part for him is that because of false DV claims he can't even call to talk to the kids or he gets thrown in jail.  So we usually find things out with less than 24 hr. notice (generally the day of).  We use to do phone calls about it and then she flipped out and refused to get on the phone with us.  Then we'd send letters because we didn't want to make the kids the messengers.  Well, after a while she would write return to sender on the front and refuse to accept them.  I mean she would go to the point that if we didn't write our return address, she's write it on for us and put return to sender.  I know the feeling when you want to scream "Grow up, you're a big girl now who can plan more than one day in advance."  Hope things get easier!

[onedaddy]

Wow, that's pure evil!  I hope you save a copy of those return to senders for court to show that she cannot communicate.

BM will never allow us to make a change unless she is in front of a judge, than she is very obliging. Yet, she consistently changes our schedule to better suit her at less than a moments notice. Aargghh!

BM has also filed false DV charges and then picks up the childrens line (the court awarded my husband specifically so BM would not interfere) and then when he refuses to speak with her she files additional false charges against DH getting him arrested.  We eventually proved it in court, but so what!  And BM and SF insist on calling our home after we send them a letter regarding arrangements for our holiday time.  This a week after they both said in criminal court that they were afraid of DH for his threats to them over the phone. It makes my blood boil.  
But they cannot call us to tell us they'll be an hour late.

We are going to have it written into the CO that they can have no verbal contact with us, unless it is a verifable emergency.  They may contact us via written letter, email or fax ONLY.  We requested this several times in writing and through our lawyers but they don't seem to get it.

We also have pick-up and drop-off at the local police precicnts and never speak to the kids or pick them up without our handy tape recorder rolling.