Am I Just Being The Evil Stepmother?

[jilly]

DH had SD this weekend. Saturday we went to my nephew's birthday party and afterwards we met a friend and her son "Joe" for dinner.  I noticed that SD was "flirting" (or whatever it is 7 year olds do when they think a boy is cute!) with "Joe" (who is 11).  On the way home we were asking if she enjpoyed meeting "Joe" and DH asked SD if she thought "Joe" was cute. All she could do was giggle and she wouldn't answer. So we were teasing her about it a little.
Yesterday we met my SIL and one of her friends at a local festival. We were sitting at a table eating and I was telling SIL and her friend about having dinner with our friend and her son. I really didn't have to say anymore than that because they were able to put two and two together.
I had my head down and next thing I know I feel something flying past my head. SD had thrown a piece of chicken at me!  I was absolutely flabbergasted at this at first and then I told her that she better not ever do anything like that again. That you don't throw things at people and you don't do that to people. SIL leaned over and said something to SD that I didn't hear. DH FINALLY says to SD "Isn't there something you should say to Jill?" And then she (not very convincingly) says she's sorry.  DH did nothing and didn't say anything else to SD about what she did.
DH and I ended up getting into an argument because I took DD on a ride without SD.  I had to take DD to the potty and there was a ride she wanted to ride. When I got back to the table I told DH that I was going to take DD back to ride the boats and he said that SD was on the slide and she'd probably want to ride the boats too. I was still mad about the chicken throwing incident and really didn't want to be anywhere near SD at the time. So now I'm the bad guy because I 1) took DD on a ride without SD,  2) got mad about having a piece of food thrown at me and 3) mad because DH did absolutely nothing in the way of discipline for this action.
DH had the nerve to tell me that SD was just playing!! Just playing??!!! Are you freaking kidding me??!! Like I told him, she's 7 years old...old enough to know the dfference between right and wrong...and she knows that throwing food at me (or anybody else for that matter) is wrong. I told him that she knew exactly what she was doing and that it was intentional.  Of course that degenerated into an argument on how I let our DD (who is 2) get away with murder and how I'm too hard on SD.  GRRRRRRRRR
We got a weekly mailing from her teacher on Saturday and for once it included the weekly behavior report. There was a check mark beside "Needs to respect others and their ideas."  OK...so I guess the teacher is being too hard on her too??!!  Oh no...wait...I know! SD is just playing! She's not being disrespectful!  ARRGGHHHH This man is so blind to how SD behaves!! It's driving me crazy!!
So...am I being the evil stepmother??

[skye]

Nope this is a fight almost every blended family has, I go through it on a daily basis my DH is the CP of 2 and I am the CP of my 3 from a previous marriage as well.

[dsm]

My DH tell me that I often am a 'drill sergeant' with SD because when I ask her to do something and she does it half-assed, I make her re-do whatever it was she was supposed to do.  Or because I have expectations that she will not sleep in til noon on her days off but instead help around the house.  *sigh*

It's a battle that I've had over and over throughout the course of our marriage.  All I can say is that you should not feel badly about how you handled things - throwing food is NOT okay - I don't care if you are 'playing'.  You need to set the precedence with your DD of what is okay and not okay behavior.  And beware - because the little things that your DH lets your SD get away with.....your DD will watch and learn.  And it's up to you to set her straight.  Stand your ground, and maintain  your boundaries.  Keep stressing to your DH that you need to have his backin on this stuff.  

Good luck!  

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dsm - 34
DH - 37
SD - 15
LO - 8
BB - 17 months
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2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....