Wrapped around my SD

[akamom]

Hi there -
I am a second wife with 2 children from my first marriage, a stepchild, and 2 children now from this present marriage.

Here is my dilemma.  Since my husband and I said "I do", our entire lives exist around my SD.  We have visitation by phone due to the fact that we live 1000 miles away from her, and have physical visitation during the summer.

Vacations and weekend road trips only happen when my SD is here, going to the movies only happens when my SD is here, celebrating Christmas is dependant on when she's here - if she's here.  My family isn't supposed to come down until she's here either.  God forbid we leave the house for any reason on Thursdays and Sundays (our phone visitation nights) - if we do go anywhere - we absolutely have to be back in time to call her.  

If we go anywhere, somewhere that cannot wait until she is there, we have to take the camcorder and my husband gives the "play by play" speaking to my SD as if she's with us at that moment.  We can never just record something for memory sake without it being addressed to her.  Even my older childrens school field trips!

We have a huge fish tank that was given to our children from one of my relatives over a year ago.  It has yet to be filled because we have to wait for my SD to be here to be a part of it.

When my first child from this marriage was born, before dad even looking at his new child, he was trying to call our SD to tell her.  When my second one was due, my due date was a couple of days prior to my SD's arrival for the summer.  My husband prayed that I would overdo so that she could be there.  I was overdue, my SD arrived on the first of the month, and I delivered on the 6th.  My SD was there for the whole labor and delivery and was the first one to hold her - even before my hubby or me.

One last example, when my husband and I decided to get married, we had picked an October wedding date.  However, we ended up having a spur of the moment wedding - why?  Because my SD was here, and we had to do it then.

Please don't get me wrong, I love me SD - she's a great little person, but my older children are starting to resent the fact that the only time we have a life is when my SD is here.  Then when she is here, my older children can't go anywhere or do anything unless it's with their sister.  They cannot see their friends or go places because their sister is here and they're expected to spend time with her.  I've tried very hard to be understanding and supportive because I do realize that he misses her terribly, but I'm starting to resent it as well.  I have tried to discuss the matter with my husband, but it seems to fall on deaf ears.  He says that because she's not here, we have to work twice as hard to make her feel like she's a part of this family.  For all intensive purposes, I agree - but not at the expense of our other children.

I'm very frustrated - especially since the holiday season is on us again, and we'll be attempting to have her here for a portion of it.  This situation is seriously taking it's toll on my family, our children and our relationship.

Any words of wisdom are immensely appreciated.

Thank you in advance,
akamom

[wendl]

Well personally I think your dh is going a little overboard. He needs to think of ALL the kids not just the one that doesn't live with you.

Your children needs lives too, they are going to resent dad and sister. How old are the other children??

I think you need to try to talk to dh again, OR just start doing things while SD's is not their, take a day to spend with the children that live with you, go to the movies.  I am sure you don't get video tapes of what SD does while at her moms house.

I think he needs a good talking to.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[joni]

The children living with you are going to grow to resent SD because of DH's actions.  Sounds as though DH has some sort of guilt living his life without his daughter physically involved in it.  The ends don't justify the means here.  DH is in need of therapy.