One more thing.

[pegasus1338]

Ok, I didn't mention in my previous post, but when DH was home for R&R in August we got pregnant!  Yay!  Anyway, when BM found out she congratulated me and seemed excited for us, etc.  She said to let her know when we knew the sex of the baby and all.  

Well, SD told me that she wants to go with me when we find out the sex of the baby.  I should be able to make the appt. late enough so I could go get SD, take her with me, and then back home all without her missing any school.  She wouldn't even be later that 6p.m. back at home.  Anyway, I called a few weeks ago to ask BM for a favor.  I asked if I could do exactly what I explained above.  She didn't say anything for like 3 seconds.  She said, it depends...  waited a few more seconds, on how early she would have to leave school.  I explained again that she wouldn't have to miss any school and if she did then I wouldn't have mentioned it.  Well, she didn't really say much else about it, so I just told her that when I had a definate date then I would get back to her.  She just said ok.  

Well, this really irritates me.  My DH is in Iraq.  We hare trying to hard to involve SD in all this as we can.  What harm would come in SD going with me.  This baby is just as much her sibling as the one her BM and Step-dad had a little over a year ago.  Anyway, this frustrates me to no end.  And I know I HAVE to be nice right now, but if she doesn't let her go.  I will have to say something.  I find out the date of the sonogram on Wed.  Any suggestions on what to say, how to ask or even how to defend if need be?  Sorry for all the questions.  It is hard being Daddy and step-mom at the same time w/o stepping over the line.  THe line that BM actually told me didn't exist for me, but I still see one ya know.  

Oh yeah also, I just thought of this one.  What if BM tries to talk me out of going to the Dr. appt again when I call to make final arrangements to meet them.  AHHH someone shut me up or turn off my brain from thinking.  Deep breath.  Anyway. thanks again in advance!

[stepmomtwo1]

I don't really have any advice on this (the ex in our situation was always jealous as heck when dh and I had babies (we had four together) and it about drove her crazy when she would find out about another little one on the way even though she divorced dh for her current dh. This woman is a total nut job.

I hope she lets sd go and it is a great experience for both of you and a really big CONGRATS!! on the new baby. :)

[joni]

Don't sweat the small stuff.  I'm sure it'll work out OK.

I was really surprised that BM is letting you have a relationship with SD while her dad is overseas.  You'll see most BM's on this board won't even let SM's babysit the kids.

You have every right to be irritated.  I'm sure on whatever level, BM is jealous and envious of you.  

You know you get more flies with honey.  Feel empowered knowing you have BM's number and play her accordingly.  Take a deep breath, swallow your pride and kiss her ass.  Hopefully you'll get what you want and don't think of it as giving in to her, think of it as you knew how to play her.

If she says no, I would play up the sob story.  Start to cry.  Screaming at her will shut her down more.  Tell her how lonely you are, how frightened you are, that you have to go through this alone and the only one you can share it with is SD.  Remind her that she had the same joy just a year ago so she can understand what you're going through.  Tell her that obvious her daughter did this with her because the daughter knew to ask to go with you.  

What's the worse case scenario?  She says no.  Devastating?  Absolutely!  But also realize the your SD will know she couldn't go with you to the doctor because her mom said no for no reason.  That's only going to hurt the relationship with the mom and daughter.  Daughter will resent her for it.