Problems with homework

[kaylene99]

Hi, once again, I am here to seek your opinions and advices.

One of my SS' teachers emailed hubby about SS not doing his assignments at all since returning from winter break.  This is not the first time such an issue was brought up to us.  His other teachers have emailed hubby before about the same thing.  

Sadly, the ex-wife's response is to always have a conference with the teachers and see what the school can do to better inform her of my SS' homeworks.  Hubby has discussed this matter with her  many, many times and offered great ideas such as taking away his privileges (play time, video games, etc.) until he completes his work to setting up a routine time at home for SS to do nothing else but homework and checking his work with him.  I don't know if such is happening and I wouldn't be surprised if it's not.  My opinion is that she puts all the blame on the school and does not put forth the time and effort to helping my SS.  Unfortunately, there is only so much we can do from a distance.  I wish the ex-wife didn't move the kids so far away but, as we all know, we can't control what the exes do.  From the very start, I knew that the move was selfish and would only hinder parenting and interaction with the kids.  

If you were on our shoes, what else could you do to help ensure that your kids are doing their homework on time?   My husband calls and always ask SS if he's done his school work and the response is a standard "Yes."   SS gives the ex-wife the "I've already done it in school and left it there" routine and she's okay with it.  That's not fine with us at all!  He either brings it home or he's going to do the work all over again!   This is so frustrating to us............

Please share any idea you may have on this.  I know we are not the only ones out there with this problem.

Thank you!

[wendl]

At my sons school each of his classes list the weekly homework on their school website under that teachers classroom. My son is in middle school and as much as I tried to keep on him, he was giving me excuses.

Now each night I go online and see what work he has to do for the night, if he forgets it at school, then he must go to school early and do it. If he fails to turn it in, he looses privilages (sp). His grades are now improving.

Sounds like you don't have the eow visitatiton so really not much you can do, if you have eow visitation, ask the teachers for the weekly assignments and see if they can email them to you, then you and the child can do them during the weekend so he can at least get some credit for the work. Also keep doing what you are by staying in contact with the school.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[backwardsbike]

I wish I had advice fo ryou, but  I am facing the same problem with my 15 yo son.  His teachers tell me homework is either not completed, not done to what his abilities are or not turned in at all.  In at least one class he is getting a "c" and the teacher stated he coudl easily have had a "b" if the home work issue would have been resloved.

My ex will not discuss anything with me.  SO I email teachers.  he eamials teacher and nothing changes and my son is not working up to his potenyial.

The dad says, " He's passing everything and I'm pleased withhis grades!".

I am NOT pleased with his progress to date.  This is the first year in a public HS he attened a charter school for 5, 6, 7,and 8.  He did very well.  They did not have "grades" but gave assesments and he was doing great.

My lawyer sayd the judge doesn't wan t to see us again!  I think he should get into another line of work but I'm not gonna get anywhere with that right now!  The kid is getting at least "c's: so I should be glad and worship the ground the ex walks on because he is a CP dad and oh so concerned.

He plays this game with teachers.  He will email and claim to be doing all this stuff.  I would bet my eye teeth he is not doing jack.  The problems remain.  I am tired of the excuse that my sonis just adjusting to high school, adjusting to another educatioanl style or any other BS.  It is mid year, if he hasn't adjusted by now it is high time to step up the efforts!

My ex sets up hostile atmosphere in the schools.  H ehas handed out copies of the custody eval which was not favorable to me and painted him as a saint.  He has raised manipulation to an art form!  People will never think the evaluator could have been biased.  They always think I'm a crackpot aand a deadbeat.  This prevails even when they have to agree with my assessment of the situation!

I have concluded that unless my son gets big time into drugs, gets someone preggers or commits a crime and goes to jail nothing will change.  The judge is committed to maintainng the status quo even if it isn't working.  Who cares about my child's future?

[kaylene99]

It really is tough to parent from a distance especially in situations like this one.  I wish that my stepkids live closer so that we can help them out better. :(

My stepson is in 6th grade at a charter school and, so far, has been earning As, Bs and Cs.  For the 2nd grading period, he made a D.  He's on the brink of having one of his 2 Bs turn to a C.  Although he's a very bright kid, he is very lazy and needs a lot of encouraging and pushing to do his homework.  I realize that a lot of kids generally don't find school work too enticing, but teaching them good study habits early on will get them in that routine, you know what I mean?  Of course, they still need guidance and good direction and that's what parents are there for.

We don't have EOW visitation due to the fact that they simply live too far from us.  If ex-wife's willing to meet halfway, we wouldn't mind having the kids every weekend.  Of course, she doesn't want to do this ever and leaves the burden of transportation all on my husband (the divorce order states that he is to do 100% transportation but that was when they were living 5 mins apart!).  We also can't afford to fly them all the time.  Driving will eat up at least 22 hours out of a weekend so where's the quality time in that?

I wish we could do more.  We thought about purchasing a webcam for SS.  But I'm doubtful that would really work because, right now, when he thinks he's in trouble, he won't talk to his dad.  How much more when we're going to ask him to do his work over the webcam? Or demand to see his school work?!  He will simply live under a rock or lock himself in his room and not talk to us.  We could call more but there goes that situation again where he could simply not answer the phone and lock himself in his room.  It really is tough to parent and/or discipline from a distance.  It's especially tough when one house has rules and consistencies and the other doesn't.  

I am griping so much but I can't help it.  Oh, and the latest is that SS told his mother that he's being bullied by a kid in school.  I don't totally buy that this is the sole reason why he's that disinterested in school.  We know it's a serious matter and we will have to find a resolution to it.  Overall though, I think SS needs a strict routine and lots of guidance at home.  I don't think he's getting that.  It will be a different story if he lives with us.........but that's wishful thinking alright!

Take care for now.

[backwardsbike]

Hi

I definitely know how you feel.  It is not a situation in which you seem to have much control.  I think you have to let the CP fail.  But then that means letting the children fail too.  That is what stinks about our court system.

Many have told me that my problem is that I want my kids to live a perfect life.  Well, not perfect, but I do expect and want better than substandard for them!

[dipper]

I have to weigh in on this.  My children have always had a time set aside every night to do homework - I sat down with them.  Sometimes it is frustrating, but they make honor roll - and last time straight A's - so they have learned that school is important.  My youngest did very poorly in school at first and I even held her back one year though she did not technically 'fail' the grade.  Homework was a nightmare during that time- but I didnt let her just not do it.

My yss does not do homework most of the time.  IN the past three years, he is with his mom most of the school week and his past report cards state constantly that grades would be better if he did homework.  This school year, he is in a school where you can keep up with grades weekly - and homework assignments are posted online.  Still, teachers were emailing my hubby asking for help.  Now, yss moved last year - and he is only with us six days out of the month - three weekends.  There is only so much we can do.  Also, his mother forbid him from bringing his books - my husband had to sign a 'release' that he would be responsible for books while in our home.  Please - she did not pay for them..........My yss is learning disabled, so he needs help while doing homework.............and he is more at risk for dropping out.....

Also, what good did it do?  My hubby would call and get after yss - she would say that she didnt have time to make him do homework.  My hubby would get after him for behavior problems in school - her friends gave him presents for being so good.  Yes, this is while a custody battle was goin on.....................anyway, my husband looked like the bad guy.  Mom is fun - no homework, gifts .........Dad says I have to do homework and believes detention is bad........

His most recent report card - two f's....and one of his semester tests - a 16!!  How can you get a 16?   All of his exams he failed - excepts maybe one , we havent seen that grade, he says it was an A....

We stress homework...but, three weekends we would be doing homework all weekend and he would turn against us - while he has fun there...