How can we get along?

[onedaddy]

I've been married 1 1/1 years.  DH's ex has done some pretty rotten things that I cannot seem to get past.  When we 1st met I thought I knew what I was getting myself into as I grew up as part of a step-family.  That was until I realized what a true PBFH the ex was.  

She moved 90 miles away with the kids so it is impossible for DH to particiapate in school, activities, etc.  She tried to push him out of their life and replace him with SF who is a violent convict. She even made the kids call SF daddy and DH the other daddy.

DH had it court ordered he speak to his kids everyday so he could stay an important part of their daily life.  Of course she screwed with all of his visitation in every way possible. She even gave specific instructions to all the teachers not to speak to DH.  They have joint custody and we've had to send everyone copies of the divorce and even then they asked BM's permission.  

SF regularly threatens DH often in front of the kids, saying things like "I'm going to make you my b**** and I'm going to f*** you with my fist and without vaseline. BM had DH's brand new truck torched, took out a $5,000 loan under his name after the divorce and then let it go into default. Last year she had DH arrested 2x; she picked up the phone he had designated for his children and when he asked to speak to the kids she hung up and went to the police and told them he threatened her and SF and he was thrown in jail. Prior to this he was never arrested in his life.  She filed a petition over a year ago for reduced phone contact and supervised visitation basically because she did not like doing her share of the driving.  So we are no embrolied in a cu7stody trial. She had the kids lie to everyone, the GAL, the evaluator, etc. and still does, that they are afraid of their daddy, etc. This is just the beginning...

Well now that were in court and  BM is LOSING she wants to be all nicey nice.  She wants to attend SS's baseball games when he is with us even though we cannot do the same, she wants DH to call her and discuss the kids but she tells everytone she is afraid of him and had him arrested 2x.  She wants to be apart of/intrude on the little time they are wth us.

How do I live with this PBFH in my life?  I cannot forgive her for these horrible things she has done to DH.  I know it is DH's problem, but I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces.  I'm the one whose vacation was ruined because I had to drive DH 2x 90+ miles to surrender himself.  Sit in court all day for him to be arraigned then find a bank to give me $2500 at 5:30PM and drive another 50 miles to bail him out of a maximum security prison after sitting their for 10 hours only to have to drive back in the morning.  All this with my poor dog in the car.  I had to take day after day off of work for this.  

I HATE this woman and do not know how to cope with her for the next 13 years.  The kids are only 8 and 5 and DH and I just had a baby 3 months ago.  
 

[4honor]

Just worry about doing the right thing in front of the SKids at all times.

And why would you go into her jurisdiction to surrender himself? Do it in your own county, as that is where the alleged calls came from and that is where the jurisdiction would be ... the state/county can move him from place to place if they feel the need.

Were the charges all determmined to be "unfounded"? then start riding the DA to press charges on her for false reporting at the very least, and sue her fanny in small claims court for the defense costs and time lost from work. You do what you CAN to make the times when you are helpless feel less overwhelming.

[onedaddy]

The police said we had to surrender out there, as neither of us ever had any trouble with the law before we did as they said.  Our lawyer never said anything either.  
The first arrest, she threatened to move the kids to Florida with or without DH's permission and then when he wouldn't give her permission SF said they would take him to court (I have the entire conversation taped). DH could not get in touch with the kids for 3 days and they were not in school.  He called frantically and left 11 messages in 2 days, BM lied and said he called 15 times in 1 day and cursed her and he was subsequently arrested in her jurisdiction for phone harrassment. We later found out the kids were at their grandparents and BM and SF were in court after SF was arrested for soliciting a prostitute

We were scared and DH was offered an ACD and the OP would stand for 1 year.  We were told that she wouldn't be allowed near DH either.  Stupid us.

6 months later we were vactioning in Florida.  DH called the kids at the court ordered time on his court ordered line.  BM picked up their phone and told DH she would not bring them for his visitation. DH said he would call his lawyer, she hung up.  He tried again to speak with his kids.  He started talking to SD and SF grabbed the phone and said "you'd better be nice to my wife because remeber when I called you my b*t*h well now I'm going to f**k you with my fist" and hung up.  The next day her police department called DH and said he better surrender himself for threatening to kill her and SF and breaking the OP.

We forced a trial and 5 months later DH was exonerated.  The judge went on to say "there were serious issues with(bm) credibility".  We are suing her in small calims court for $5,000 on June 15th.

I can't even look at her or her SF.  When I see them or receive a letter from her.  My heart races, I start to shake and I feel like I'm going to explode, then I feel like crying.