9 year old has RED Hair?

[Foster_Mom]

Has any one here ever delt with a BM who has Dyed thier 9 year old daughters hair? It seems to me like it is a poor judgment call on her part but more than that she appears to do this becuse she is reltaliating against Bio Dad. We have Joint Custody and in the last go round with BM Dad negotiated a parenting agreement that both children could not change school districts unless both parents approved in writing. Shortly after this the BM and her hubby built a 200 thousand Dollar home out on the golf course while we continue to live in a smaller home. Bio dad still pays CS in about half my monthly wages and thus this makes me angry. I too have a child and Foster children and I have rules in our home. My rules are Boys will be polite and will look like boys. and girls will be polite and look like little girls. As they should! No peircings other than ears, no dying hair, no showing belly skin no butt shorts and no wierd hair colors. Bio Mom took 9 year old girl and dyed her hair bright red at home. her hair is normally corn silk blond. This is not just a change it is a drastic change. Lawyer said it is not out of the relm of what she is leagally able to do but it certainly shows poor judgment. Our lawyer said it appears as though she has done it to some how buy some affection or out of spite for DH not allowing her to change the children to the new school district. It is only a 20 minute drive for BM and the kids have been at the school for about 2 years now, which is longer than any other school they have been at due to BM continuing to move with her new hubby. Has any one got any advice about the hair thing? It really puts our home in a bad position becuse we also have foster children who need the structure and who now thing they to should be able to dye thier hair wierd colors. Any thoughts?

[Ref]

That happened to my SD when she was about that age. BM had extra hair dye from her coloring her own hair and let SD use it up. I was shocked to say the least, but I slowly realized that there was nothing we could do about it and it wasn't the worst thing in the world. When I thought about it, I was about that age when I got my first perm (it was the 80's and necessay to have poofy hair). It really wasn't that much different. I didn't think it was a great idea, but I also new it wouldn't harm her like so many other things BM did. We chose not to pick that battle.

As far as your other kids go, make sure that they know that your house has your rules. They don't have the same family structure as your SD and so they have to live by what you think is right. Oh, and as my mom used to say "Life isn't fair"

Good Luck
ref

[wendl]

Die it back to the original color.

My son who is older than my stepkids used to get pissed at me cuz his stepbrothers would come over with blue, green etc hair (mom put color gel in their hair) When they arrived at our house it was washed out. PS MY stepkids are your around your SD age and younger.

In our house boys are to look like BOYS. When we have stepsons, dh takes them to get their hair cut SHORT. My son likes his hair short so I don't have problems with that.

Good luck.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[junglechicken]

I keep telling my sd that women pay lots of money to have beautiful hair like hers.  :)

Anyway, this is a battle I wouldn't pick.  I'd say poor judgement on her part, and a desire to be more of a friend than a parent, but is it harmful?  Could be worse.  

As far as your kids/ foster kids, your house, your rules.  SD's mom said it was ok, your kids' mom says it isn't.  That's all there is to it.

[flewwellin]

I too am a step mom however, I don't agree with your problem.  

1st) this child is your STEP daughter.  
2nd) her mother has every right to dye her childs hair any color she wants too.
3rd) When she is with her mother she has to abide by different rules, no two women will raise a child the same. So when she is with you and her father she abides by your rules.  When she is with her mother she is free to do what her mother says she can.

Personally I wouldn't dye my 9 yr old's hair but like I said different ppl have different parenting styles.  She may be more strict than you are about something else.  

[mickey24]

You could allways dye it back. That is what i would do.