How do I cope with an idiot?

[SunniCali]

O.k., guys I rarely ever post here.  But I know that I'm going to explode if I don't do something.  This PBFH is, well psycho!  I just want to tell her what an idiot she is and how she's only hurting her own flesh and blood but, of course, I can't.  How do you guys deal with this stuff?  I feel it all building up (her driving around our home, her telling her own child things that she shouldn't, her running her horse-sized mouth around our small little town) with her doing these things and I just don't know what to do.  Posting helps a little!!

[dontunderstand]

Document, document, documet.  I can not stress this enough.  We deal with a psycho all the time and boy do I feel your pain.  We stuck it out and vent just as you are doing. Know that your child is well worth it!  And never ever lose your cool, she will eventually hang herself with her own rope, ours is...

[CustodyIQ]

Yeah, document it all in a journal.  At some point, you may be able to take action if it's serious enough.

In the meantime, find ways to blow off steam and/or take your mind off it.  What works for others may not work for you, and vice versa.

Options including finding a punching bag, working out, going for a run, getting a bottle of wine and a funny-as-heck video, go to a shooting range, vent and rage in an anonymous forum (e.g., this one), or talk to a counselor about it (but don't tell anyone you're seeing a counselor, so nothing is ever subpoenaed in the future).

If there was a magic pill, millions of us would be taking it.

Just cope as best you can, and in time you'll find that it bothers you less and less.  Eventually, it may even become comical.

Good luck.

[MixedBag]

I keep reminding myself everytime he pulls a stunt that thank goodness he's an EX and not my husband anymore....

Then I feel sorry for our son.....because that's dad to him still....

And blow it off.....

It's all you can do...

[SunniCali]

>If there was a magic pill, millions of us would be taking it.

Oh how I wish for such a pill!

>Just cope as best you can, and in time you'll find that it
>bothers you less and less.  Eventually, it may even become
>comical.

I checked out your website, very nice.  Your comments there and here show great strength, Congrats to you for that.  For me it's just the calls the moment we walk in the door (wonder how she knows); the intentionally loud voice at extra-cirricular activities; the daily phone calls about nothing; the remarks that the son repeats; my continuous problems with her employer whom I have to repeatedly contact, etc.  It all just gets so far under my skin because I can't say anything to her.  I feel that telling her that she's an idiot would somehow make me feel better.  In reality I know that it won't.  

>Good luck.

Thank you very much, we need it.

[wendl]

kill em with kindness, if they know it bothers you so much they continue to do so, many of these pbfh live and thrive on the drama.

Take a deap breath, take a day for yourself (day spa whatever you can afford)

It also helps writinng in a journal every night, I used to do that when my parents where divorcing, and when my father became ill and passed away, it helped so much.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[joni]

there's a saying....stupid people don't know they're stupid.

she'll never get, she doesn't want to.  she's too narcassistic and self absorbed to care about anyone but herself.

continue to show the child that in your home lives unconditional love, understanding, patience, tolerance, respect and compassion.  

this will be the life line for the child.

[dontunderstand]

There is another saying..."ignorance breeds ignorance"  show her how to not be the ignorant person that BM is.  More times than not, children imitate what they see.  While she is telling your SD all of the ignorant things that she does, SD is SEEING what you model for her.  Trust that in the end she will know just who mommy is and just how truely ignorant she is.  SD has to be conflicted because we are raised to believe what are parents tell us and they would never lie to us, esp. our mom.  However, mom fills her head with all of this CRAP and yet is just isn't vibing with what she SEES!  Now she is conflicted because she isn't sure just what to believe so right now she "believes" (and trust me she doesn't!) mom, because she wouldn't hurt us...
Hang in there and know that we all go through, so we all feel your pain!

[Kitty C.]

DS's dad used to call people like that 'unconscious incompetants'.......meaning they don't know that they don't know!  Seems to me, that would describe the majority of PBFH's to a T!