New member - FRUSTRATED stepmom

[shelly]

Hi all. I've never posted before, and hardly know where to begin. I am a custodial stepmom. My 3 bio kids make our blended fam 6. My DH gained custody in '96, when sd was 3. Persistent denial of visitation, parental alienation, false allegations of sex abuse, the works.

I can so empathize with what I've been reading. Absolutely heartbreaking, frightening, and infuriating! What is so frustrating for me is that bm was awarded liberal visitation, because sd was "so closely bonded" to her. Which would be fine if losing custody of her daughter had taught her anything!

But what I'm learing in my extensive research is that truly severe alienators NEVER learn! The same behavior that cost her custody has been ongoing, and is now escalating as sd approaches 12.

While she hasn't learned how destructive her behavior is, she HAS learned how to use more subtle, less obvious, and harder to detect (by CPS, etc.) methods. This woman can work the system like no one I've ever seen! Her skill at manipulation is scary!

No more overt or open abuse allegs, but (per bm & sd) our home is always lacking in some way and I, the wicked stepmother incarnate, am mean, unfit, cruel and hateful. While sd's basic love for dh is still there, the bm's (therefore sd's) increasing hatred for me has obviously affected their relationship.

Sd is now openly asking to go live with bm, and is miserable when home. (Right now she is @ bm's for 1st 3 wks of vac, except for a few hours on father's day) She spent all day Father's Day asking what time it was & reminding us that she had to be back @ mom's by 6.

She comes home Sun & I am scared of what it will be like. 3 wks w/bm I'm sure has cemented her hatred for me & our home.

We're out of money & representing ourselves & I feel helpless. Has anyone ever heard of a bm being sanctioned by the courts for alienating/interfering with the relationship of a custodial stepmom?

I'm afraid that even though sd lives with us, bm has actually won, because she has the part that counts in the long run - her heart.

Thanks for listening. I look forward to hearing from you & sharing any help I can from our 10 of experience with the courts.

[MixedBag]

You have a PM....a personal message from me.