Lost in court...Long story

[aduarte01]

Hello all. I am new to this site. I would like to tell my story and how I lost in court.

When I divorced, I hired an attorney who all he did was print out a standard divorce decree that later would cause me problems. I paid him $2000, only for him not detailing a list of the things I would need to protect me from my ex-wife. I did not research on what I would need to look for in an attorney. During the time that I was divorced, my x and I had an ok amicable relationship. Until she found out I was getting married. She started talking bad  about my wife and my step kids. She came to my house where we confronted her about her telling negative things to my boys about my wife. My wife, and the x and her sister nearly got into a physical fight due to the x's disrespect of my wife. Every time the x wanted to do some changes to the visitation schedule, I would agree. Back in March 05, the x wanted to change the schedule to the Texas standard visitation. I agreed to it with one exception, that we share transportation duties. She did not want to. So she sued me. I hired an attorney, again not researching on who I should get. The x then reported me to CPS, though she denies it was her that reported me. She reported me twice, the second time asking the doctor for him to report me. In between the original lawsuit and the court date there were other issues that arised, too long to list here. The biggest one is the x's brother had returned ilegally from Mexico, after being deported five years ago for public lewdness and fondling of a child. I asked her that I did not want the children left alone with him, when my oldest son had mentioned the x's brother was babysittiing the children. I confronted my x and she denies he had such criminal activity. My deal is that if she can not admit to her brother doing this, she can not protect the children. I reported this to CPS, only to prevent anything happening to the children.

Court day came, and I trusted my attorney would be prepared. He knew about all the CPS cases, including the brothers. Before I tell you about the court day, I must mention something about myself. I am a quiet, shy person. Often, I do not speak up when I need to. I get nervous, and blank out, not knowing what to say. That is why my x had been able to manipulate me, or tries to continue to do so. My help and strength has been my wife. If it wasn't for her, my x would continue to walk all over me. I have stood up to the x's manipulations, and I have been doing much better. But when it was my turn to take the stand during court, I did not speak up, once again. Although my attorney did catch the x plenty of time in her own lies, and I did shut up her attorney with some of my answers, I did not speak up to attack the x's character during trial. The x was shown to be the suffering, devoted mother who has to deal with lies and attacks from her x husband and his new wife. The judge bought it. I was there for the sake of the children to clear up some issues like the transportation issue, the dropping off of the childrens necesity items like clothes and medicines (which she would not do, but lied that she has always done that), the children not to be left unsupervised with the x's brother, and for each of us to pay our own attorney fees. She only wanted me to pay her attorney fees. The combination of me not speaking up and my attorney's lack of preparedness caused the judge to order me to pay $2000 in attorney costs. Not only do I have to pay close to $5000 for my attorney, I now have to pay hers.

My first mistake of course was not coming here first to research. My second mistake was the hiring of this attorney, who was not even close to defending me aggresively. And the third mistake is my inability to speak up. I dont know if there is anything I can do, but I hope this story helps someone out there that might find themselves in the same situation. This of course has caused us financial hardship, and hardship in my own marriage. My wife has been very suppportive and she is my everything. But we all know that this x will continue with her games and manipulations only because she feels she won. :-(

[dipper]

I feel for your situation.  As I read, so much of it is close to home.  My dh did not know his rights and basically did whatever it took to keep peace with his ex.  This bit him in the butt when she moved 2 hours away right before our wedding.  He tried to get custody of his son, but she hired a lawyer (dh didnt have one) and tried to paint dh as a horrible parent in court.  No one seemed to care that he had custody of one child and kept the one she was moving away with 50% of the time...

After that, I began researching dh's rights.  And we have been persistent in getting school records and contact with school personnel as well as doctors.  DH no longer accepts her demand for money for doctor bills written on notebook paper - she has to send the actual statement.  

In all honesty, I think dh was emotionally and verbally abused in his marriage.  And it has carried over to him allowing it to go on before we married.  WEll, it still goes on to a degree - she calls him MF and SOB in front of their children.  He doesnt curse back or really even fuss back.

But, just as your wife....I am hated.  I have never did anything to this woman and rarely talked with her....but, I am identified as the source of problems.....DH was so nice before he married me.  I am a *itch....

I know about the financial hardship and the stress the entire situation puts on a marriage.  I am divorced myself, but have never experienced the games and manipulation that goes on with my dh's ex.......just thrives off the drama......

But, dh and I are a team - just as it sounds you and your spouse are.  Hang in there, and dont beat yourself up so much.   That is just one more win for the bm.....love your children, your wife, and yourself.  You are not the one wrong here......

[aduarte01]

Thank you Dipper. Your experience will help us too in only getting stronger. I appreciate your words of encouragement. That is why I have come here, to find a support group of people that have been in the same situation that can help.

[aduarte01]

Question. Can I appeal the Judge's decision? It's not so much that I don't want to pay my ex's attorney costs, but nothing was done in court. All the questions that we had coming to court were not answered. The judge ordered that a standard visitation order be signed, but did not specify whether the x needed to provide necessery items for each visit, or if the kids were allowed to be around the ex's brother unsupervised. We were not able to even include the parenting plan with the decision.

Should I appeal? Or should I just wait until the next time we go to court?

[dipper]

I believe you only have 10 days to appeal........

[MixedBag]

You have a time limit (usually 10-30 days) to appeal.

Learn to deal with the clothes -- that's a real issue, but trivial on a scale of 1-10.

Go back to court when she violates "standard visitation"

at that time, start by asking the court to clarify stuff by doing a "Motion for Clarification"

But hey, remember, I'm not an attorney