I might get a new job and be gone, can my daughter stay with my wife at our house?

[Bradley]

I had added to the modified custody papers a right of refusal that would allow me to first be asked if the BM would be needing a babysitter for more than 48 hours, which of course she does not ask me and doesnt care because I can not prove it...
Now I am about to get a new job and might be gone more than 48 hours, my current wife would still be keeping my daughter at our house during this time, is this considered babysitting?

[topnotchdad]

I would be interested to hear answers to this question, because similar conditions are happing to us.  I am SM.  BM says that I don't count in right of first refusal (ours is 4 hours), so when DH works at night, child should go to BM's instead of stay in our home with me.  Anyone have any ideas?

[hopeful_25]

My dh works every third day for 24 hr shifts.  I was once told I could not "watch" ss but we argued that on our weekends ss needed to spend time with new siblings in our home and environment without interruption.  We do it that way now but bm sometimes works nights on her weekends and now goes to sports events on her weekend without offering ss to come over.  So doesn't argue anymore.  Time is what helped us unfortunately.  Good luck and God bless.

[Bradley]

I think it also depends on the state, If a realationship between the sm and the new children have already been developed, then I see no reason for a judge to remove that child from the home even if it is with the sm. Unless of course the sm is worse than the bm... in my case far from it.

[topnotchdad]

In my case (I am SM) I am the one who takes child to after-school activities, sports, etc.  I attend all school events, BM does not.  I think BM is saying steps don't count in first refusal to 1) Make us mad, and 2) Get more time with child so CS will be increased.  BF offered to quit his weekend job if this was the case, and BM got incredibly angry with him.

I think when we go back to mediation we are either going to get first refusal thrown out, or put it in writing that steps count in first refusal.  Otherwise I'm going to start charging BM for when I "babysit" child during her time, which I do on a weekly basis!

[Bradley]

My wife is currently in your shoes as well, she keeps my daughter when the BM is unable to stay home with her when she is sick, arranges for all the extra curricular activities, doctor appointment and dentist appointments, but my wife is not good enough to call or talk to my ex-wife. My daughter is not encouraged to even have a relationship with my daughter.
How is the SM the evil one when she has a better relatioship with my daughter than her mother does!