What to do....

[lucky]

Well, dd has kicked oss out as she and her bf have found a paying roommate to take the room.  Oss was told he could stay, but the paying roommate was getting the bedroom and oss would have to sleep on the couch.  Fair enough, I think.

Dh called pbfh to ask her what she was doing about oss (she has physical custody of him).  She said he's fine with staying with his friends.  Dh asked her about oss moving into her apt. -- she and her bf rent the bf's parent's basement.  Pbfh said that bf's parents said no kids so oss can't live there.  Dh said that she needed to find a place for herself that oss could live at and she said she was finally getting on her feet and dh wanted her to throw it all away?

She knows of a place that's only $300 and oss (17 yo no job) can get a job and so can Fisher (oss's friend, also 17 yo no job) and they can rent the place.  Dh told her SHE should rent the place (same $$ for her) and then oss would have a place to live.  She said she can't do that because it's a pigsty there and drugs are used all the time.

She told dh that we should let oss live here (court order states that if each have custody of one of the two minor kids, no cs is to be paid by either) but she said nothing about changing the custody arrangement.  Dh told her that oss COULD stay here, but he won't.  End of conversation at that point.

Two things:  Oss won't come here and dh can't make him if he doesn't want to.  Dh has no legal recourse to have oss picked up as a runaway or get assistance from social services/juvenile court since he doesn't have custody.  The police say that if pbfh is okay with oss living elsewhere, he's not a runaway.  Social services will likely be the same, BUT they MIGHT go after pbfh for neglect.  Maybe.

Emancipating him will be difficult, one because MN doesn't have a procedure to do so, and two because he is not self-supporting so I highly doubt a judge will agree to emancipation.

I told dh that he needs to have pbfh sign custody over to him.  Then we can get help for oss (he's a druggie too) because my insurance can cover him so we can look at treatment, but more so because we can use the police and/or social services to get him off the streets.

I also told dh that we need to file for cs right now because she is NOT supporting oss and only has custody on paper.

What do you think?

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[dsm]

At least y'all will be able to say that you tried everything you could think of to take care of him and make sure that he had a place over his head.

Don't suppose he has talked to you guys about it?  (wishful thinking...)

But I wouldn't hold my breath that pb will sign him over either.....
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dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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[Sunshine1]

IMO, I would just go for getting him signed over and not even breathe a word of CS in her direction until he is stable, living somewhere, and going to school like he is supposed to and you have receipts to back up your motion for CS.

You can't get blood out of a rock, so I would just focus on getting him signed over to you before you freak her out with CS.  Sounds like she is in no better position either and all the more reason for her to say no if CS is persued.  If she thinks there is none she may "willingly" sign the papers.

[lucky]

See, she believes that if she has custody -- even if he doesn't live with her -- she'll never have to pay cs for either oss or ysd.  

Given the way I worded the custody order, I think that we have a good case to get cs for ysd since is is NOT supporting oss.  I know for a fact that if we file she will believe we'll win -- simply because she believes I won't do something like that unless I'm guaranteed to win.

If nothing else, that may make her decide to find a home that can accomodate oss.

Also, she IS working FT plus OT -- at least 8 hours a week at ~$10/hour.  And paying only $150/month (her share) rent.

Dh spoke to her last night, he says she'll never sign custody over because if she does she'll have to pay cs.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[lucky]

Hi, DSM!

Oss has talked to us.  He's pissed at his mom but won't come here because he has to follow rules like:  no drugs, no cigarettes, no coming and going as you please, etc.

And you are right, she won't sign custody over because then she'd have to pay cs.  I think she should anyway.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[ocean]

but if OSS is out of her home then you should not be paying her anything and then she should be paying you for YSS. If he is living with friends and making ends meet then let him. You can not force him into a program. It is a hard situation. She would have to get him back into her home to get SC waved again. Would she sign over rights if you signed that no child support would be ordered? I would do that, if OSS would voluntarly go into a program. Good luck!