She speaks!

[dipper]

After months of ignoring dh's attempts to find out any info on ss, bm has talked to dh four times in the past two weeks.....all about her rights as the mother...how she carried ss for nine months.  DH told her he knows that she is the mother - she tells him every time they talk!

First, she was refusing to allow ss come for his third weekend of visitation.  Well, dh told her what the court order actually said.  She was still saying no.  then he called her the next week and she immediately said she would be bringing ss down.  She also told dh that ss had not came home after school - he had took off with some other kids without her knowing.  She called back a little later and said that he had came home and yada yada.  DH didnt say much to her because - did she really want to talk when she acts as if he has no right to anything concerning ss?  (he did get after ss)

So, then last night he is talking to ss and she wants to know if she is taking ss to or picking him up from burn camp.  Neither - its our time.  So, then she says dh is just being a jerk because he will have custody and that she is ss' mother and she has rights.

DH told her now she knows how it feels...that she has refused him any rights.

Thing is, she signed ss up for a burn camp in Feb.....took dh's time for it and drove ss to and from that camp - said SHE was doing it.  Then she calls dh a jerk when the shoe is on the other foot - and she signed ss up for this coming camp as well.......

I feel she is simply talking to dh trying to ask for crap she shoudlnt have so that she can claim he is being unreasonable and interfering with her time.....though all of it has been DH's time anyway......

[4honor]

Dipper,

I feel for you. BM has gotten everything she wanted -- total control of SS, wrapping MIL and FIL around her finger to keep them on their toes or no SS, etc. And what does she do?  She has stepped up her alienation tactics again.

We think it is because she is being treated well that she misbehaves... something about feeling like crap unless she is being treated -- in her mind -- like crap. There is definitely something twisted about the whole thing.

Keep your chin up and just continue to dothe right thing.

[dipper]

Maybe its an addiction - get a high from the drama.  

I just hope we can get through the summer, I really feel once ss is in our home more...then we will be able to live a little more peacefully.  Not that her games will end, but we will do what is right and just let her mouth off.

I told dh - we need to check into phone recorders.  He gets so frustrated at her calling him names every time they talk and reminding him how ss is HER son, and she carried ss....etc.  If we cant afford the recorder right now, I told him  just tell her that if she starts namecalling he is hanging up and she can call when she grows up....

[Sunshine1]

Go to Best Buy or Radio Shack...the most you will pay is 50.00 or so for one...and believe me it pays for itself in one nasty phone call from her!

Look online into security system or spycam stuff etc...you can usually find recorders alot cheaper than in a store through them.

Her games will continue, but you will be able to ignore her a little better once SS is in your house.  There isn't anything she can do to run your house, she will try her damndest to have authority in your home....but umm..guess what...YOU GET TO IGNORE HER!!!  Ain't that gonna be fun?

I swear dipper it is gonna get better, and SS is gonna have a childhood instead of getting in trouble all the time.  You live kinda far apart don't you?  It is hard to "make trouble" in that kind of distance.  When BM lived 2 hours away, I was in blissful, bon bon, dreamlike, status 24-7...then she moved back!  Distance is a good thing, you think twice before you make a 2 hour jaunt to make trouble.  This will be the case in your situation.  She'll shut up after awhile...if she doesn't well then, its ladies night out and the first round is on me!

[dipper]

I am really counting on ss being here and things getting better.  Like you said, once he is actually in our home, her games wont have as much force.  Right now, she is doing the old manipulation.  She is ignoring dh's calls to ss.  

Yesterday, she had her friend drop ss and the friends two teen daughters by the mall to hang out for hours - and then she picked them up. That is something she has never done.....showing him what he will be missing I guess.  Actually, he will be there on weekends, so he could do that every weekend...LOL

My thought about the mall - he was there alone with two other very troubled teens....I imagine he 'got' something new......may be ugly to think but truthful.....

Oh, and we got the actual court order yesterday- so now she has her ten days to appeal to circuit court.........

[IceMountain]

Another idea on phone recorders:  I use a handheld one that is normally used for dictation.  It was about $25 at wal-mart.  It came with a microphone so I can hold it up to the earpiece on the phone so everything is heard.  It also works great for cell phones.  If you don't want to hold the mic/recorder while you are talking, then lay the recorder on a table with an extension phone next to it.  We also use it during exchanges by putting it in a pocket.  Due to it's portability, It's been a lifesaver!

[dipper]

BM is really up to something - I am thinking an appeal and trying to prove how she communicates.....She called dh again this evening.  This time she wanted to make sure he is coming to the IEP meeting this week.

He has all but begged on bended knee to get any info on the numerous school meetings she has set-up/and/or attended without his prior knowledge this year.  She completely refused to tell him and then would insult him like he was selfish for expecting to be included.  Then she calls tonight to make sure he comes..............and, she even asked if he would be bringing ss home afterward - earlier than the pick-up time....She has not allowed any early pick-ups in a year!!

I am concerned...in VA, you get an appeal to circuit court as an entirely new trial.  so, they know where they messed up earlier and know what not to say this time.....Her calls are not out of the goodness of her heart...she hates dh.  She does nothing unless she is getting something out of it.....

[dsm]

show your documentation and proof of what the status quo really is.  That this show of hers is for court only, not because this is how she genuinely keeps your DH in the loop.

Good luck!

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

[dsm]

...

[dipper]

We did find out today that interim reports had been sent home for ss and dh never received a copy.  Emailed the teacher responsible for the IEP to find out what is going on before the IEP, so that dh can be prepared about what is discussed.  SS has not done the majority of math homework.  

last night after bm called - she said that ss was home and she was out....dh called later and she would not answer her cell (the contact for ss).  Tonight he tried to call again and she still would not answer.