SS asking - dh violation?

[dipper]

DH has been on vacation this week...its a scheduled week for his workplace.  For years, bm has allowed dh to have ss....but, since he is now CP, she demanded the 4th of July as court order this year.  so, dh was fine with that, though it did mean we could not go anywhere.  

Dh suggested she have an extra weekend with ss, trying to be nice...and she tried to keep ss half of the week.  That was a battle...but, she did bring him home Sunday and then asked to pick him up earlier on the 4th...he allowed that...then she got here and said he may not be home at the pick-up time.  This is when we were picking him up to head out for vacation....and she had known for two weeks.  So, that was an arguement and we were surprised when ss was there at the scheduled time Wednesday.

So, her two weeks were to begin today, Friday.  SS wanted to stay with us a couple more days as he has spent more time with bm on dh's vacation.......Since this was his request and since he is almost 15, dh told him - you have to ask your mother.

SS called her and this resulted in a long drawn out argument with her accusing dh of violating the order...etc.

DH tried explaining to her - this is not me, this is ss' decision.  She accused dh of using ss as a messenger...and could not understand that dh was not refusing to deliver ss....ss was asking to stay two more days.

She began fussing about everything else.  Ss got on phone again and she told him that she would have DH arrested if ss wasnt there this evening.

So, ss feels he is to blame for this.  And all he did was ask to stay until Sunday - she woudl get her two weeks either way.....

And dh is being blamed for using ss to pass a message...and trying to violate the order -which does not specify dates.....

Does anyone else feel that ss asking for time he wanted is wrong?  DH was not the one saying he didnt want to take him today....

Oh..and dh cursed on the phone and she told him - this is the last time you will curse me!  She curses dh and calls him names on a constant basis....dh cursed, but not at her personally, just the situation....

[notnew]

I have followed the things you have been going through. Big mess.

Personally, I think the easiest way to avoid any issues is to follow the court order to the letter regardless of what has happened in the past.

If she raises issues when you are following it to the letter, then it's off to court. When you deviate from the court order, I feel you lessen your ability have a strong case when in court.

If SS understands that the court order is the deciding factor, then the parents don't have to be in the middle anymore and neither does the child.

Looks like an easy solution to me, but I may be wrong, it's just my opinion.

[ocean]

I agree but SS in not a child and is 15. I would encourage him to go and if he still does not want to go, then he will have to tell the police officer that she sends when he does not show up. I highly doubt anything will be done on th spot but she will drag you back to court for contempt (but since he is 15 he can speak for himself in court). Does he want to stay for a specific reason? Is something going on by you/friends?

[dipper]

The court order will still be followed.  No dates are specified in the court order.  We had suggested the 7th for two weeks, before she told us that she was taking the 4th.  This messed with vacation, but it was the order, so there was no problem.

Okay...ss wanted to stay until the 9th..and then go for two weeks.  Now, dh allowed him to ask, knowing that this was ss' decision, not dh's.  BM could have said - okay, and then I get you for two weeks...or No, I have plans and you have to come.

She never did either, she attacked dh for using ss as a messenger and brought up various other problems she has with things we have done.

As I said, the order has no specifics....so, the problem was not violating the court order, it was just deviating from a proposed schedule.....

SS knows he goes for two weeks, and he just wanted this weekend here.

[dipper]

No, we didnt have any special plans...there was no mention of doing something that he would miss out on.  

SS seemed sad when we picked him up on Wednesday.  he was very down about having spent the 4th with her, he had asked to stay with us, but she refused.  Her bf (married neighbor) would not even let ss light popcrackers....The bf's wife is coming home soon, so that is over, we think..that is what she told ss anyway.

SS just did not want to go...I think its suspicious he does not want to go on a weekend, when she can spend time with him...she works during the week.....