Need Suggestions

[forthekids24]

My nephews BM has recently reduced her visitation even more.

She moved away and can't be bothered to drive down to get him every other weekend.

Nephew is 8.  He blames Dad and Step-Mom for BM's choice to not only move, but to only have him at her house on school holidays.

He is having a hard time with this and is taking it out on my brother and sister in law.

He is angry at his BM, but is taking it out on everyone and everything in my brothers home.

He has a counselor that he sees one time a week, but he doesn't seem to be able to place the blame where it belongs.

I remember a few years ago someone shared their experience on giving the kids choices, and letting them hammer nails in to a board.  I can't seem to find that post.

Does anyone remember that one?
Any other suggestions are welcome.

Thanks!
FTK

[Mamacass]

I'm not sure exactly of the post you're talking about, but I think I know the hammer and nails thing.  You tell the child that each time they are ugly to their sibling or throw a fit or whatever behavior you are trying to "fix" that they have to hammer a nail into the fence (or a board).  Then after a week or so, you tell them that each time they are nice to their sibling, or express their emotions in a healthy way (or whatever behavior you want to see) that they can remove a nail from the board.  Once all the nails are removed you show them that even though all the nails are gone, there are still holes in the board.  This symbolizes the words/behavior that can't be taken back.

I've actually used a different version in my house to help the kids remember to clean up after themselves.  My boys are almost 5 and almost 7.  They are old enough to throw away their mess after eating a snack and put their dishes in the sink after a meal.  I got tired of cleaning up after them, or reminding them several times a day to clean up their mess.  
So now, when they leave their trash/dishes and I have to call them back into the room to clean up I also tell them to bring me a quarter from their coin bank.  I also let them know that I'll be happy to clean the mess for them, but that I will charge a dollar.  All the money goes into a jar in the kitchen (so far its just quarters).  When I notice that they are doing a good job cleaning up after themselves I let them get a quarter out of the jar.  This way I'm not paying them to do something they should already do, but I am giving them a chance to earn back their money.  

Anyways, this may help your nephew realize the effect of his actions, but sounds like he's missing his mom and may need some more help with that too.  Your brother may want to encourage him to call his mom more often, and he's also old enough that he could write his mom letters.  You could make him a little box filled with special paper, envelopes, stickers and postage stamps.  Maybe once in a while your brother could offer to drive your nephew to see his mom or at least meet her halfway (even if its just a few times a year).  That way your nephew could see  that his dad isn't the one to blame b/c he's doing everything he can to keep him in contact with his mom.  

[forthekids24]

Thats the one!

Thank you so much.

I have passed this on to my brother and sister in law.

Take Care,

FTK

[Sunshine1]

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[Ref]

nm

[4honor]

It goes like this:

You gather a board and 2 kinds of nails. The first kind is straight and small. The second is bent, large and sometimes rusty (ugly ones). Take the kids out to the back yard and have a little talk. Tell them the straight nails are their positive words/actions. Tell them the ugly nails are the negative words/actions.

Have them drive in the nails (all of them) randomly in the board. Leave the straight nails up enough to get out. Pound the ugly nails in whichever way -- better if they are hard to get out. Then have a discussion about consequences. Discuss that EVERY action/word has consequences to the lives of the people around us. Then take out the nails.

Discuss the state of the board. Notice aloud that the good actions even leave a mark - a nice clean mark with little damage to the board. Then notice that the ugly nails left huge gouges in the board - and the hammer to UNDO the ugly nails left alot of damage as well.

Come to think of it, you could also have them sand the board to remove the dings/divets. Notice aloud at how much work you must do to UNDO the DAMAGE that a few indiscriminately placed words/actions did.

[forthekids24]

Thats the one!

Thank you so much, I will pass it on :)

FTK