EX with the biggest nerve revisited

[dipper]

OMG...as if bm hasnt did enough.  Today I took ss to the probation officer.  BM has claimed the man ss was working under for cmty svc told her he would give ss 8 hours for nothing.  She had spent the night with her cousin/lover.....it rained heavily....next day she took ss and guy said he didnt have much work....could she pick him up in two hours.  She was going back to her cousins...and said no....so, he told her to take him on and he would ask about allowing two hours since he showed up and they had traveled so far.  

BM waited a week and then called PO to say he told her he would give ss eight hours.  

Today, when I took ss of course she was there.  She was acting all prim and proper, very calm and in control......unusual for her.  However, I started seeing why.  She has really been working hard to get ss' time taken away from him and even more.  I held my cool while there....

But, the more I thought about it, the more I knew more was going on. So, I called the PO.  turns out I was right.  BM told her that ss is going out beyond curfew time.  Flat out lie!!!  The PO really hammered ss about this and I did speak up and say that he is with us or he is not out.....

When it was discussed that ss had did some cmty svc at church, BM spoke up trying to get that thrown out saying that it was only govt. agencies that it could be done through!  I  and ss stated that we had permission and the PO explained to her that it had been approved.

When it was stated that ss had completed his service, bm said, "Then why is it man told me that he had about 5 more hours?!"  So, she was fighting that too.....Man did not know about church service....

Then if you remember this was ordered through county he got into trouble in...which is not where we live.  I asked PO if she told the other PO or if they already knew.  Turns out, bm called the other county and told them all of this......

SS is the one who may have to redo his service because of this lie....and ss and us are the ones being hurt as it makes us look bad to be disregarding the order...

We are thinking of suing her for defamation of character.  She is causing us much stress and this is wrong what she is doing to her own son .....

[Sunshine1]

What the hell does she have to do with this anyway?  He lives with you now!  GAAAWWD  I officially wanna pop her one!

The PO knows he lives with you right?  If I were you, I would completely take over this situation.  I am sorry but you have tried and tried and tried to include her and be a fair parent but for pete's sake there is no dealing with this woman.

Grab this by the horns and I woulnd't tell her dittly squat about anything until she started to shape up.  She wouldn't get what time it was outta me until she decided to be civil, nice, coordial and started to get with the program.  

She is only hurting SS, lieing to a PO so he has to do it over so YOU guys look bad?  That is not SANE behavior.  If she kept it up, she'd get a harrassment restraining order on her ass too.  Enough is a enough.

Your the parents, she obviously has no intention of helping her kid, so you can't rely on her anymore.  Dipper your too nice.  Nice is out dated.  Kick some ass and take some names!!

[dipper]

DH had me pick up papers today to file.  We are thinking the best route now.  Joint legal needs to go....she should have no authority over decisions unless it is an emergency while he is with her.  

This is what bothers me though...since she is the mom, everyone perks up and gives her info.  They just take it for granted she wants what is best for 'her son'.  

The PO did tell dh today that ss is NOT going to have to make-up the time.  however, she is the local PO and BM has turned all this in to the county ss went to court in, so it still worries me.  

I just dont understand her.  How full of hate can one person be that they will mow down anyone in their path?  She even told ss that she is doing the right thing, he needs to learn he cannot take the easy way out.  

He hasnt....plus, who is she to talk?  She lives with her parents, they bought her a car, she works for a cousin, and sleeps with another cousin.  There is nothing in her life that her family doesnt supply for her.....

Nice days are over - the best interest for ss is not involvement of both bio parents.....one is way too destructive....she just needs visitation rights and nothing more....

Oh...and we are thinking of contacting the PO in the other county and ask exactly what allegations have been made.................this is slanderous and you are right, it is harrassment....

[CGS]

Instead of running back to the courts to try to remove joint legal already..just stop giving her any attention at all.

By going back to court to remove joint legal, or to prove defamation, harassment, slander, etc you are feeding her need to be the center of attention and to play the victim card.

Honestly joint legal isnt that important... you have the child therefore YOU make the day to day decisions. The only time joint legal makes any difference for her is when the child is with her.. At all other times, just ignore her! Don't call or write to give her updates, and don;t push the child to either. If he wants to call her fine.. but other than that cut her out of your daily lives.

If she calls, let her go to voicemail, if she sends a letter, sit on it for a day or two before you respond. If she shows up at a po meeting, say hello, and ignore her other than that. Do not let her see she is bothering you. Move on with your lives and do not let her be a part of them. this child ios old enough to see her spite and vindictiveness, you don;t need to reaffirm it in his mind.

It sounds to me like this woman is narcisstic and craves attention.. positive or negative! So don't give her any.

[dipper]

You make some really good points.  Ones that I think we should seriously consider.  I do think the court is a place she likes to be at.  WE file and go because we feel we have to, and then dread it for months....and she walks in laughing and smiling.  She thinks the judge is her good buddy.  

I am certain she will file on dh though....he did not make ss go this past weekend.  SS flat out told her no that he is sick of her lies.

I would love for her to go into a counseling session with ss and talk some of this over as the counselor has the real picture of their relationship....but, that is not going to happen....

We are reaffirming her drama.  In fact, she is plenty capable of getting all info we give her - herself.  We were trying to do the 'right' thing by having both parents informed and involved....but, that is not the healthy way to deal with this after all...

Thank you for your input!

[CGS]

Good for you! She is destroying YOUR family one shred of dignity at a time and it is time you put your foot down.  Even if it is not your biological child, it is still YOUR home too, and allowing her into it sounds like it is causing you and your hubby to waste what little time you have with the child before he is out in the world on his own.

If she feels the need to take you to court again and again, let her. Keep documenting, but dont let it consume your lives.  Then just play defensive. Answer every motion she files with motion to dismiss immediately.  If the judge allows her to proceed, file a listing of the facts you've documented and a request for attorney's fees up front.

By doing this you can ignore her and begin to show a pattern of her hostility to the rest of the world. Live your lives, be happy, and enjoy one another! That will hurt her more than losing joint legal ever will.. and your family will be much better off for it.