Need Serious Guidance

[dipper]

Hi, I am a single mom.  But, the problem I need help with is my fiance's.  He has had custody of one son and joint custody of his youngest for three years.  The oldest is 18 now.  The youngest 12 1/2.  We are to get married in July.  Now, his ex is moving over 2 hours away, taking away the joint status.  The child does not want to go.  The town they are moving to is high crime and has population in the thousands where we live in a town of 500.  The child is ADHD as well.

The ex sent my f a letter basically saying 'this is my piece of furniture and this is what you have to do to see MY furniture again.'  Really, she acts like she owns the child.  Well, f sent her a note back saying he would be seeking custody and why.  He also suggested that if the judge does rule in her favor, that her terms are unacceptable.  She flipped out.....wants to settle out of court - but still under her terms.

In three years, she hasnt did anything with the child.  F and his sons all brought this up to her the other day and of course now, one week before trial, she is being all sweet and renting games/movies for the child and wanting to take him to the movies.  Now, mind you, she has had her fun for three years.....this is the first she has tried to let the child have fun.

Even though they are joint custody, f has had to pay support, plus insurance, plus 75% copays because she would not work but a few hours a week. In three years, he has never received a receipt or copy of a bill for medical payments, she simply writes it on a paper and he is supposed to anty up.  The judge has allowed this.  (I have been divorced for 8 years and ALWAYS provide my ex with copies of the bills.)

F says the judge always ignores him and listens to her.....I believe in equality for all....I dont believe every woman is the poor little victim.  What can f do to put his feelings before the judge without being shut down?  And can he refuse to pay medical until she gives him proof of the expenses?  Is there any kind of form he can fill out detailing why he is the more stable environment for the child?

[gipsy]

I don';t have expierience with this type of thing yet , But My atty , And I have a good one , Told me that he will subpeona that type of stuff , Except , My issue is bank accounts , And then you will have something to show the judge , I have been to trial , and or court for a few issues , And If you can't prove Things to the judge , It seems that they just go with the BS allegations that women make , SOOOO , Here's my question , Why has't the father done as I have done with Medical and school issue"s , I just go to the doctor and Sign a release . and they give me medical and school records , If you go act like a nice adult they usually go along with you , And With joint custody especially , Mom can't stop him , I had the doctor and th   school both, tell Me unless She , Provides them with a court order that say's I CAN'T have the rcords then signing a release works just fine , If the dad doesn't even know who the doctor is then he needs to find out !! then he can go  to court with the records and  tell if there really hasn't been any visits , I do not have joint custody , I basicallyt had a very bad Guardian ad Litem say She should have sole decision Making on these issues , But that still does not preclude me from the records , Tell him to get off his duff and get the records , Besides that It makes him look like a good parent , And will piss her off !!

[nosonew]

Your ace in the hole is the child not wanting to move, along with child having to change schools.  

File an RO to keep mom from taking child out of your town. Also, have your local school counselor speak with child in private regarding this move, that way a 3rd party is witness to his wishes. (Not just your word against hers).

Good luck and keep us informed--I am sure others here will have great advice too!

[dipper]

Thanks for the advice.  He hasnt did those things because these two people hate each other.  He doesnt ask much of anything from her and sometimes asking the child is no use  (he has ad/hd and some facts just escape him)  Also, I think he has trusted her to take the child to the doc and let him know if something is wrong...with  her that would mean if she needed more money for something.  She has legal custody.  I have to say, my ex even when he was at his best couldnt tell you the girls doctors names...and forget teachers.  The dad is great at the loving and being there with his children, but not as good on technicals....

He has been more involved as far as school the past year - report cards, PTO occasionally, talking to the teacher.  

Yes, I think in the past he has gotten the shaft because of her having some papers - even if she did write it herself.  He would go in empty handed, trusting the system to do right and not having anything to help the system determine what is right.  He is not computer literate, so I am searching sites and have gotten info on the crime rates, schools, and even AD/HD.  I am also thinking about looking into the importance of a male in an adolescence life.

Thank you, thank you!!!  And I wish the best for you!

[dipper]

I think he has alot in his favor.  The only thing not in his favor is that she is the mother..and sometimes that's all it takes.  

About the guidance counselor - even if he requests for her to speak with his son, how does he get this admitted into the court?  I have heard that most schools do not like to get involved in any court battles between parents?

Thanks!

Diann