problem with boy/girl things at school.

[Indigo Mom]

#1, my son is no longer flagged a bully.  I guess I was able to "prove" he was acting in self defense.  Either that, or the principal just didn't want to "deal" with me anymore.

But....

#2, the girls aren't being punished, nor are they "flagged" as bullies.  

#3, his friend is still flagged.

#4, I received a "memo" about my sons hair, and how it's "inappropriate".  Too bad, so sad.  His hair has been like this since October when he started in that school.  I'm going right back to the office Monday morning...and I'll "fix" this one, too.  I find it very funny how no one has EVER said anything about his hair...but ya get up in the principals face and "now" it's suddenly inappropriate?  Not.  

The unfairness of it all is gross!  "silly little girls" will continue being "silly little girls" and get away with it.  But when a boy defends himself, it takes an irate parent to protect his status as a "non bully"?  What gives?

Thank you everyone for your responses!!!

[kiddosmom]

:)

[wendl]

Indy,
can I ask how old your son is.
Whats wrong with his hair, sounds like they need to complain about something.

I teach my son the same, he needs to stand up for himself, however he is never allowed to thru the 1st punch if someone pushes, touche etc him 1st he has every right to stand up for himself. (well all know if the boys dont then another lable is put on them, sissy.)

I would forget the principal, obvioulsy she/he doesn't care, I would write a letter to the super of the district and tell them everything that happened and list the girls names in your complaint and request a response in so many days.

We have to stand up for our children and teach them right but many time how can we when you have a crappy school sytem etc

[Peanutsdad]

UHUH,, NOWAY!! Indi NOT pursueing this to all the way???

Indi, one of your qualities that I admire is your badger like ferocity and tenacity.

I'm actually surprised you let this drop before those little idgits got THEIR names flagged and letters sent home to THEIR parents.

[Indigo Mom]

-----can I ask how old your son is.
Whats wrong with his hair, sounds like they need to complain about something.-----

Lil dude is 8.  His hair isn't "normal"...but it's nothing that warrants a complaint...5 months after he started going to this school.  His hair is always between 1/8th and 1/4 inch long...except his bangs.  They're down to the top of his eyes.  Now, back in October when he started in this school...his bangs were all kind of "odd"...they stood up all spikey like.  Well, since they're a "bit" too long, all he does is comb them back into the rest of his hair...actually, because his hair is so short in the back, the long bangs kind of "stick" back there.  By the end of the day, they've fallen down.

My son is...well, he calls himself a "skater dude".  This is an outlet for LOTS of agression he has inside him from years of hell with monster.  (he's determined to be the next Tony Hawk) Because I was never allowed to "express" myself growing up, I thought it was ok to allow a few weird things every now and then.  I'd rather him know he can express himself now..than wait til he's a teenager when he feels the need to come home with bright orange hair...and gawd only knows what else...you know?

There's nothing wrong with his hair.  If there was...I would have received this note in October.  I won't back down, I will NOT cut his bangs.  I'm not the kind of person who's going to take away my sons identity...or what he "thinks" is his identity right now.  If I felt his hair really was a problem?  It never would have been like that in the first place.  

His clothes are definitely NOT "skater" like.  I won't allow that right now.  He looks like a normal little boy.  I just can't forcefully remove his "outlet" unless it's dangerous to him...and bangs are most definitely NOT dangerous.  

[Indigo Mom]

pd...

I don't know what to do!  I think, right now, I'm just lost.  I'm NOT happy those silly little girls aren't getting flagged, and I'm NOT happy Nolan is still flagged.  

But what can I do?  I can take this all the way to the top...and I just KNOW what I'm going to hear..."well, Indy, your son isn't flagged...what's your problem now"?  I honestly don't know how to take this up, and fight the "gender" fight.  With my attitude?  I can totally see myself screwing it up!

I don't want to give up, I WANT to "badger" them til they can't stand it anymore...but right now?  I'm battling not only the "hair" issue, but my daughters father...and now I have BIG time problems with my sons dad.  (he called last night VERY depressed, and I'm extremely worried about him)  It's almost like I have too much on my plate, and couldn't think straight to save my life.  

I don't know pd...mebbe I'm getting too old to be a...um...bad a**.

[StPaulieGirl]

They're complaining about his bangs being in his eyes? LMAO!  Let me introduce you to miss international alienated headbanger(mother of my grand baby).  The principal at her HS announced that he would not put up with dyed hair for halloween.  She was 15 at the time, so what did she do?  She and her friends bought packets of unsweetened Koolaid, and dyed their hair with it.  Unfortunately, she has blond hair and wore clown stripes for 6 months.

My motto is: holes close and hair grows out :-)

They have no right to complain about your boy's hair.  Tell them to go to hell, or you'll hire a lawyer and sue them for discrimination.  Politely, of course ;-)

[wendl]

Indy,
Doesn't sound like his hair is out of line, (my son is almost 12 but at age 10 wanted to die his hair meanie me said no)
At least your son has a goal (to be a skater dude, buts is a goal a dream, my ss 8 has no dreams or goals)
Hmm does the school have a written dress policy if not tell them to take a hike, his hair doesn't seem like its bad, and if its clean and has been comb who cares.

Kids go thru so many stages, my son went thru the skater dude stage, then the baggie pants, now it' something else. At least your child wants to be and individual instead of going by what everyone else looks like, good for him.

Your a good mom, but I would talk to the super, sounds like your son is being saught out of the packed and its not right, seems like now that he isnt flagged they feel the need to put another label on him which is wrong.