Interstate Change of Custody

[shear_madness]

New to this. Bear with me. I'll try to keep it simple, though custody never really is.
I'm the NCP of two daughters, aged 15 and 13, who live with their father in Michigan, I live in Florida. (Joint legal, he has sole physical custody)

I've filed for a change of custody in Michigan, we've been to our Friend of the Court referee (to prove significant changes), and the matter has been referred for evaluation and recommendation. (trandlation: I won round one... he was trying to get it thrown out without being heard)

I'm assuming that the whole Established Custodial Environment thing will be found to be in my ex's favor. I disagree because the children spend 31% of the year with me, 36% with their grandparents (father's parents), and 32% "with" their father (who is either at work, the bar, or asleep). But, from what I've read online, they live with him and therefore he will likely be simply awarded this assumption.

Now I have to prepare for the interview, and to address the 12 Best Interest Factors. While I know that I should prevail on all 12 points, the burden of proof is the issue. Most of my proof comes in the form of emails, instant messages, and online journal entries by my daughters. Also, my own personal journaling, emails with my family members, and emails written TO my daughters by their friends.

I am having very little luck in finding detailed information on how to prove Best Interest. I'm willing to share details of my case, if needed.

1.  What are some of the ways to show that the Established Custodial Environment is with me... or at the very least a tie?

2.  What is the liklihood of my proof being thrown out as hearsay?

3.  Anyone know where I can get more information on dealing with the 12 Best Interest factors?

4.  I'm getting the impression that the judge won't just decide based on the Friend of the Court's recommendation. It must remain sealed until he's heard all testimony and made his own decision? Is this true?

5.  Both children's reasons for not wanting to move are "friends and boyfriends." Tell me this won't be taken seriously?

6.  If my ex starts changing things NOW, in the light of a custody battle (married gf moves out, working less overtime) will that weaken my case?

[Peanutsdad]

Unfortunately , the ype of evidense you are considering using,, is objectionable by opposing counsel.

You CAN get it all before a custody evaluator,, or Friend of the Court, Social worker,, whoever it is seeing the two of you and the kids in an attempt to decide what recommendation to give the judge.

As far as having a tie on the ECE scores,, that likely wont overturn custody.  In that case,, some judges are going to want to speak to the teenage kids.

So, yes,, if the children voice an opinion that they do not want to move ,,that is likely to be heard.

So,, let me see if I understand this. The children live in Mi with dad, have an established life, friends and extended family there. Further, they do not WANT to move to florida. You dont see their comfort zone as serious?


ok,, now,, just maybe I'm offbase,, and if I am, Im sorry. Why are you doing this? Are you going to allow them to see their grandparents in Mi? Are they in trouble with the law? quit school? whats the problem? So far I havent seen anything here warranting a change of custody.

[shear_madness]

Sorry... lengthy. I hope this clarifies?

Reasons are as follows:
Father is working 80 or more hours per week for over two years. House must remain silent when he IS home so he can sleep.
Dinner times range from 8pm to midnight. Meals lack proper nutrition (Ramen or a sandwich they prepare for themselves) Younges daughter has blood sugar problem that pediatrician says must be controlled through diet. (She passes out at school) Children state that the only food in the house is "diet food" they aren't permitted to eat. Father says he doesn't have time for grocery shopping.
Both children have been "permitted" to set their own bed time, even on school nights. Youngest stays up til 3am, oldest til 5am... getting one hour of sleep and napping after school until "dinner time," not completing homework.
Both children have seen their father return home from bar, drunk. (and driving himself) I have seen same. The 13-year old has begun drinking her father's Jack Daniels while left unsupervised in the home with a girlfriend.
Both children's grades went from straight A's to mostly C's, with some D's and an F for each of them as well. Oldest child was recently suspended from school for being in the boy's lavatory at school during lunch. Both children have lost interest in, and ceased, all extracurricular activities (Band, Science Olympiad, Drama, Co-Op, Swim, Track, Cheerleading)
Father's married girlfriend moved into the home 2 years ago. Father lied to me, saying her divorce was pending... then later saying it was now final. I've come to understand a divorce has never been filed for. Father admitted this  in court on Monday.
Married girlfriend has a son, same age as older daughter. They had sex beginning a year ago. Now oldest daughter has issues with promiscuity.
Plaintiff has been sending children to his parent's church, though not attending with them. Any attempts to discuss children's religious upbringing is met with hostility. (this is NOT the church we agreed to raise our children in)
Father and girlfriend fight aggressively in front of children. Fights escalate to screaming and swearing and violence or threats of violence. Girlfriend threatens to move out "because of your f**king kids." Father yells (where children heard) "I know my kids are f**ked up, but I love them anyways." These fights include accusations of drinking too much and cheating on eachother.
Father uses physical punishment. Spanking a 13 and 15 year old daughter, over your knee, is not age-appropriate. He also uses his belt or a wooden spoon. (Why would you need a weapon against your child?)
Both children have expressed that they are "scared to death of him." Oldest child has recurrent nightmares involving her father, with either violent or sexual tones. When I attempt to discuss concerns about grades or other matters with their father, they beg and cry to the point of hyperventilating... asking me not to because he gets angry with them for talking to me about school, church, etc.
Both children show signs of anxiety and depression, according to everything I've read online about symptoms. These signs include thoughts of suicide and drug use.
Oldest child received two personal counseling sessions over a year ago, with psychologist recommending monthly sessions to continue. Father refuses to schedule another session, claiming he's too busy to keep an appointment.
Father states (to children and to me) "I am God in this house. I am king. If the girls won't respect me, they WILL fear me." He also states he "never bonded with" the oldest daughter, that he's fed up with her, done trying, and he has "no idea what to do with her."
The reason he gave me for not allowing the move is child support (though I offered to waive it) and the cost of transportation for parenting time (though I offered to pay for it) He tells the children that if they move to FL, he will lose his house and his Harley. He also tells them "you'll never see me again."
Father disconnects phone or disables ringer so that I can't call our children. Finally, I sent them a cell phone that I pay for. He also doesn't allow a relationship with my family, who are all in Michigan. He won't return their calls nor respond to birthday party or holiday invitations.
He has denied my court-ordered visitation. I was given NO holiday visits for past three years since divorce. Also, he does not share cost of any portion of visitation. (Court order was in place prior to my move out of state)
I pay for all school supplies, school clothes, both children's braces, eye exams, contact lenses, feminine hygiene products, yearbooks, special occasion clothing, allowance, driver's training, field trips. I am not ordered to do this, I do it because their father claims he's broke.
Child support was waived. Yet I still send him a check every month. Originally to make the payments on youngest child's braces. Now that they're paid off, I still send the money to help out.
As for children not wanting to move to FL, I was trying to be brief. 13 year old wavers. She says that she prefers how peaceful my house is to how stressful theirs is, but there's a boy she likes who might like her, etc etc...  Oldest child still says she wants to move, though her father is over-encouraging a 4-week boyfriend relationship that is slowly changing her mind.
At the time I filed for a motion to change custody, both girls wanted to move. Once my ex found out about court, he became more permissive and lenient and generous. He's falsely cheerful and expending much effort to play on their weak points. Teenaged girls who are "into" boys.
And yes, I would allow the children to see their grandparents in Michigan. Yes, the oldest was nearly arrested for helping a friend steal a car (friend is in Youth Home for 9 more months)

[Peanutsdad]

Thank you,, that gives me much more to work with.


It would have been better had you retained a PI there PRIOR to filing,, then you could have shown the father on tape leaving a bar drunk on XX occasions.


In any case, I figure you already know to request a home study/custody eval.

Also, consider filing subpeona's for school records, and any arrests relating to the daughters, and father. Be sure to subpeona the Custodian of Records in each,, and that they bring a certified copy to court.

[shear_madness]

  With all the reading and research I've done lately, I can see a lot of things I should have done before now. I thought I had enough documentation, but now I worry that I don't.
  I don't have non-family collateral contacts to give to the Friend of the Court... who know my ex. (My ex preferred I not have friends. I moved to FL soon after the divorce) Here, my only references are co-workers who have seen me with and know my children. Still nothing on the ex.
  We've already searched and show no arrest record for the ex nor the girls. The oldest was "let go" after being placed in a waiting police car. No record, though I understand it was in a newspaper in Michigan. Which one and when, I'm not having luck finding.
  Our court date this past Monday was to request a Friend of the Court custody evaluation and recommendation. As far as I know, my ex didn't appeal (he had till Friday at 5pm to appeal).

1.  With most of the information I have coming from conversations with my children, how will I be able to verify other than notes I wrote regarding phone conversations, as well as emails and im's with children? (I'm told children can't be questioned on anything other than preference) No one, other than other child, witnessed abuse, etc.

2.  I understand they will do a home study on my ex in MI, but how will they do one on me in FL? It's looking like this will all start, and maybe finish, this month. Should I be trying to arrange a home evaluation on myself? My children wouldn't be able to be here with me till after school is out in June.

3.  Does the term "clear and convincing evidence" refer only to tangible evidence? Or does credibility count?

4.  Is there a "form letter" for requesting a receipt, explanation of fees, and contract of representation from an attorney? Mine seems to not think I really need these things. I have requested by phone to no avail.

5.  How do I file an ammendment to my Motion to Change Custody so that it includes Change of Domicile?
 

[Peanutsdad]

Its lookin like a lot of your case will be he said/she said. THAT is hard.


They SHOULD order a home study on both parties,, if they do, they will need to forward the order to florida for completion. Trust me, it will take much longer than a month.


Evidense is only evidense if it can be proven. Otherwise, its allegations unsupported by evidense.


Your attorney SHOULD be providing you with a detailed explanation of his bill. One who wont,, I would stay away from.

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http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/prepare.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/clientrights.htm   ....this one especially for you now.