Need Info/Advice Please Help!

[wolfndolphinbeals]

Hello, My name is Chandra Beals. I live in Victorville, Calif. I have just finished a 730 evaluation in the County of San Bernardino, California court system. The evaluator was Robert L. Suiter, located in Riverside, Calif. (Just a side note: The evaluator is pro-father.) Here is a little info on the findings in his report: The evaluator basically said that even though my ex-husband's testing showed that he has a limited understanding of how to manage parenting situations with our 4 year old son, the evaluator feels that my ex-husband has a good understanding of what is best for our son and how to care for him on an extended basis. As for my testing results, the testing showed that I am likely to be thoughtful and caring with our son and set boundaries as needed, however an objective instrument revealed that our sons traits and characteristics are very different from what I had hoped for and there are likely to be problems in my relationship with our son. The evaluator feels that I would have some difficulty assuming the role of primary caretaker for our son and being able to adequately address all of his parenting needs on a sustained basis. (I was a stay at home mom for the first 2 years of my son's life) When I was pregnant, my ex-husband was not happy about the pregnancy and we were separated from February until November of 2000. He wanted me to either have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Also, while we were separated he was having an affair with an former girlfriend and had removed his wedding ring until after our son was born. The evaluator says in his report that I put our son second to my job. I don't see how that is possible, when I made sure that I had my parenting time with our son on my days off from work. I also do not see the relevance because I was no longer working as of November 2003 and we started the evaluation in March 2004 and I am currently a home maker. I am married and my current husband has a good job and has been at his job for over 3 years. The evaluator also states that I put our son second to my dying mother who went into the hospital on October 17, 2003 and died October 30, 2003. The hospital was several hours away from where we lived at the time. During that time I saw our son one time for an overnight visit and called him almost every day. I do not see the relevance of this to my parenting ability. My ex-husband found some pictures of me on the internet having intimate moments with people other than my husband (my husband was in the room and fully aware of what was going on) such as a picture of me and another female kissing while nude from the chest up. He makes an assumption that I spend a lot of time on the internet trying to locate multiple sexual partners. Due to this, the evaluator says that if I do not behave myself on the internet that I will be subject to supervised visitation. Due to past custodial issues with my current husband and his ex wife, the evaluator recommends that my husband be precluded from my son while in my care. Also my current husband was the friend of my ex-husband so the evaluator feels that because I decided to continue my relationship with my current husband can only lend itself to a situation with a certain amount of tension between me and my ex. Anyway, as you can probably guess there is a lot of information that I have not included in this email, but I am ready to share my story with the world. I feel that I am being discriminated against regarding my private separate adult life. I also feel that my ex-husband's continuous vindictiveness and malicious digging into my current personal life will go beyond what feels like stalking to something even scarier. I am hopeing that the judge will look at all of the contradictions in the evaluators report and allow me to have another evaluation done or at least allow information that was not given to the evaluator to be introduced. If anyone can help me I would appreciate any info/advice. Feel free to contact me at [email protected] Sincerely, Chandra Beals

[Kitty C.]

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[StPaulieGirl]

I'm sending my kids up after my little girl's doctor appointment at Loma Linda Wednesday.  She and her big sister's best friend were in that car wreck on Hwy 18 on 8/13.  

I have to say that I am having a very big problem reading your post.  It's a good idea to separate the the post into paragraphs.  Every four lines, or so, just hit the "enter" key.

I'm going to get back to you tomorrow about a few things that you mentioned.  I'm pretty tired right now, however I do want to address some issues you've raised.

[StPaulieGirl]

You've got quite a mess on your hands.

First of all, when you are a parent, you don't have a separate adult life.  That is a fairy tale.   You dictate how you will run your life and care for your child, not your current husband.  I'm sorry, but you really stepped in it by posting pics of yourself in compromising positions on the internet.  

I'm trying very hard not to be judgemental here, but let me clue you in on something.  If your current husband was there when the pictures were taken, did he encourage the episode in the first place?  If so, you need to tell him to take a hike.  The evaluator, the judge, and everyone else sees this as bad judgement on your part.  If you were coerced into posing for the pics, that is spousal abuse.  Get out now.  Like I said, you have no right to a separate "adult" life when you are a parent.

Based on how you described the visits to your mother, I'm not sure how the evaluator could possibly make a statement like that.  Was there something else involved?  Btw, you have my condolences on the loss of your mom.

I have a question.  If your son's father did not want the child, why has he changed his mind now?  Adultery during marriage doesn't seem to have the impact that it should in a divorce hearing.  If your ex continues to have serial lovers, it could be brought up, but so can your conduct.

You sound young.  For what it's worth, I'd like to offer you some advice.  Just because MTV says it's cool, doesn't make it  good.  Right now you're faced with the consequences of the choices you've made.  I can't guarantee that making different choices will help you in the long run with your particular situation, but in general it will build a better you.

Good luck.



If you can't put your child first, then you should let someone else have custody of him.