SM taking SD's on a trip

[Spring]

Hello :-)

I'm new to this board...I'll try and be brief yet informative :-)

I have two step daughhters. One lives with us, the other with her Mom. The Mom  isn't a very good person and is very hateful towards us(Me, hubby, her daughter, my son).

Hubby wants me to take all our kids to Disneyland for their birthdays. The actual dates are in a three month radius so we picked a time in the middle.

We anticipate objection from the BM. We live in Canada so there is a cross boarder issue.

Recently, the BM won in court to take her ONE daughter to Mexico. Hubby tried to block this as BM is also up on drug charges and has said she and her live in BF are taking the one daughter and moving to Mexico. The other issues he adddressed with the court was the damage she will do taking one daughter and not the other. The courts didn't care and decided that as long as she can provide an itinerary with return flights, they could go....they went, they are there now.

So, my question is...does anyone know or have experience in a SM wanting to take skids across the boarder when one parent objects? Current CO state joint custody, joint guardianship.

**Hubby won't be going, just me and the three kids.

[junglechicken]

my two sd's and my unborn child (I'm currently 5mos pg).

Of course we're talking years in the future, so my girls, 10 and 7 now, will be in their mid- to late teens by the time this trip were to take place.  DH likely wouldn't come with me on such a trip, as he has no desire to visit Holland.  Most of my family is there.

We're in Canada as well, and I would not travel without all the proper documentation, including but not limited to notarized letters from both bm and my dh authorizing me to travel out of country with the kids.  Therefore, if bm kicked up too much of a stink about my sds going, they would not go.  End of story, and custodial arrangement does not matter to me.  It's unfortunate, but I figure they have a whole lifetime to take trips that they will not need Mom's consent for.  If they get upset their brother/sister gets to go and they don't, that will be an issue between them and their mom.  *I* do not want to get stuck somewhere between here and Amsterdam explaining who these children are and why I'm travelling with them, kwim?

That said, in your situation, if you think bm's giong to object too much, be prepared to postpone your trip, imho.  You don't state the ages of all the kids, but perhaps waiting until such a time as consent from bm will be a)easier to get or b)unnecessary, is a good idea.

The other thing...your dh wants you to take the kids away, but he won't be going?  Do *you* even want to do this?  Have you ever travelled with the kids before?  Are they good travellers?

[Spring]

Thanks:-)

I've travelled with all three before. They are, at time of travel... 17(my son) 13(SD that lives with us) and 10(SD that lives with her BM). I'm okay taking all three. The SD13 has been here two years and listens to me well, gets along with my son great. SD10 is being harshly alienated from us all by her Mom.

BM will protest until the cows come home. She will also continue to take the daughter who lives with her on trips to spite her daughter who lives with us. If we wait until we no longer need BM's permission, SD13 will always be left behind. I plan tio take at least one more trip with my son. I don't want to leave her behind, it will hurt her too much. I alsoi don't believe in taking one wiothout the other(skids) so that leaves me with taking all three.

I plan on having all the documentation which is why I'm sure we'll be in court.

What part of Canada are you in??

[junglechicken]

A friend of mine is a sm too, and she and her dh wanted to take her dh's 12yo daughter to Dominican last year.  The bm objected, citing fears of terrorism, war and the drinking water, and the dh was going to take her to court...until his lawyer advised him of the amount of time it would take to get a court date and get through the whole process.

Time = money, so after a time, the dh dropped it and he and my friend went on their trip without the girl.

This year, however, the bm has given permission for the dad and sm to take the daughter on another trip.  

I know what you mean about hurting/leaving the kids behind.  I wouldn't want to either.  I would, though, if it meant avoiding a court battle and tons of stress.  But my sds aren't separated either...what hinky judge ordered THAT???

Under what grounds do you think the bm will protest?

[Spring]

Spite...she lives, breathes and eats spite.

Our BM kicked my SD out when she was 10. She doesn't want her to be happy. She is doing her best to alienate the two sisters from each other. She's a bit twisted. She insists to all that will listen that we coaxed SD into moving here...lol. She is hateful to this daughter and often will go months without seeing or talking to her.

The BM is extremely spiteful and very jealous. She was also arrested November 2003 on various offences including drug smuggling and weapons possession. She has threatened me numerous times and is not allowed any contact with me or on my work or home premises.

BM will try to control everything with the other daughter. She fears she'll want to come live here too and is working double time to avoid that.

We were actually surprised at how little time was needed for her to get this into court. She filed, seven days later it was on the docket...two days after that there was a hearing...and poof...she ws granted her request. The judge wasn't concerned that there was talk about them moving to Mexico with that daughter and never returning...he was also unconcerned with the affects of this trip on the daughter living with us.

...I'm in BC :-)

[LizaLou1]

Try not to make a big deal about it and lay low until its time to go.  Then follow the courts previous order.  Provide the mother the interiary and return flight right before you go.

What's good for the goose...

Lizalou

[Spring]

Yuppers...that's about what we're thinking:-)

[wendl]

What does the court order say about taking the kids out of the country/states?????? That will weigh a lot on the decision you face.

Also at age 10 they are going thru so much as it is, they want to be little still BUT they also want to be grown up, its like their emotions are tugging every which way. Then to put the extra stuff on top of it can be really hard on a child.  Just continue to be consistant with the 10yr old he will come around.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**