Family Counseling

[MommyX4StepX1]

Does my husband need the biomom's permission to have his daughter (biomom has full custody) participate in family counseling with us?

My stepdaughter has behavioral problems that effect our family.
Biomom won't take their daughter back to counseling.
As a family we don't know what else to do but go to family counseling.
Stepdaughter hurts herself and her siblings when she doesn't get her way or is told no.
Her actions are clearly from something going on with her.

When my husband, the old counselor and I called CPS on the biomom's boyfriend for leaving a huge bruise on my stepdaughter, My stepdaughter's behavior was soo much better. Then the boyfriend got a dismissal for the abuse. The judge said the boyfriend was just disciplining the daughter and she was not in immediate danger.
Since this court date (my stepdaughter did testify against the boyfriend in open court) She has been so bad. She sucks her thumb constantly, talks like a baby and throws tantrums like a 3 years old. She kicks screams and hurts herself by banging her head on the wall or hurts her siblings.

Obviously something is going on. Can we go to family counseling with out the permission of the full custodial parent?

[stressedstepmom]

My DH and my 2 SSs went to counseling here last summer and he didn't need BMs permission. I just called around and talked to different counselors and they all told me  that it was fine since the boys would be with their father. We were all going to go, but there was the possibility of DH and BM going to court and we didn't want her having access to anything where I or our other 2 children were involved. SSs also live in another state and there was no problem with our counselor transferring his notes over to the CPS appointed counselor in the boys hometown. We also had incidents and got CPS involved, but of course after they ordered BM to get the boys into counseling they dropped all interest. Also, I am pretty certain that in their divorce decree that BM has full custody. I am usually on top with all that info, but I have a newborn and have to "survive" on minimal hours of sleep lately and can't seem to remember crap :)
My advice would be to just call around and ask. The counselors will know what they can and can't do. And if you tell them that the BM may want access to their files and notes they can also work around that. Good luck.

[4honor]

take the child for counseling, then this falls under the "this is an emergency" thing, as the child is harming herself and others, you could conceivably  be OK. But if SD "hates" it and complains to BM there is a risk BM will try to take it to a contempt hearing. It is defenseable, but it will cost you.

Will BM fight you if you ask in advance?

I suggest you have your family counseling and then after 2 or 3 tell BM that you are going to do it. Then never say anything more about it unless BM wants to know the specifics, then tell her.

[MommyX4StepX1]

We've been told that we can go to family counseling, we can only talk about what happens in our home. The behavior problems we have in our household.
If BM objects and stops family counseling then we will be forced to deny visitation until BM agrees to some sort of counseling for Stepdaughter.
We have a right to protect our other children.
It sucks but we have to do something.
BM will not agree to counseling. SD was in 4 counseling sessions (forced counseling due to SD playing inappropriately with her cousin )
This counseling was ended when the counselor called CPS, but the boyfriend was dismissed from charges.
BM did not leave the room, she had to be in the room with the counselor at all times. SD was never allowed to express herself freely.
BM tried to Block my husband from even taking his daughter to counseling or meeting them there so he could be involved.
My husband never asked to be in the room with them. Just wanted to be there for his daughter.
BM has something to hide and SD is showing sings of not dealing with something.