Advice Needed Please....

[worriedmom]

Ok my son has been going to a psychologist for about a year now to help him deal with all the changes that has been going on in his life. His psychologist told us (me and my husband) that her OPINION is that he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Attachment Disorder. I am still doing research on these disorders to find out how she sees that. She has NOT made an official diagnosis though. BD asked to consult with her about my son. She told him about what has been going on and what she THINKS is going on but after BD met with her, he told me to stop taking him to her or let him find another psychologist. He was very irritated with the fact he was going to her AFTER his visit. He is now having his GF call me and ask for Medical Info to take him to another psychologist. I told her I would get back with BD and that she is not to be a messenger in our decisions about our son. I do not agree that taking him to another psychologist is the right or smart thing to do considering he is making excellent progress with this psychologist and that his behavior problems (that have been very challenging) have started to cease and disappear. I am afraid that his trust factor in people will diminish if every time BD doesnt agree with what is being said then he decides to change. (We have joint custody but I am sole guardian) Any advice would be helpful. I dont want him to interfere with his progress but at the same time i am so tired of fighting with him and I know if i tell him no there will be a fight. How do I tell him no easy enough to cease any fuses going off? Plus insurance wont pay for it and i dont have money to pay half(like the court order says). I told him that but he is still insisting. Please help if you can........

[worriedmom]

I have decided that I will pick a psychologist for a one-time assessment for a second opinion, and he can call and make the appointment for when he wants it. Does this sound like a fair compromise?

[gipsy]

let him pick , Besides this may be the put up or shut up he needs , And he can;t say you steered any thing , And Maybe he doesn't like the one you picked already . Tell hi m you are willing to do this but he will do ALLL the footwork and pay the bill , And you get to talk to the alternative psychologist ,
  Most likely You won't be giveing him a fight that way and he can't fight with the results of his own choices , And he will have to do the work of finding a psych on his own , My opinion ,The sqeak will stop when he has to put up or shut up and has no one to blame or fight with due the fact that you let him pick the psychologyst ,or just ask your son what he wants tp do ,

[dontunderstand]

Just my opinion, but I know this is a very tough situation, but I think it is a bad move to move your son if he is making good progress.  It is very hard to find a therapist that you have such a good repore with that you can open up, let alone make behavioral changes.  If you can prove that your son is making good progress, and that it maybe detrimental to move him at this point, I think you would have a very good case for your X.  How is it fair to do this to your son, because your X has issues?

[worriedmom]

Yea I did everything said here and he refused, threatned me with his lawyer and hung up. He has also called child services on me and my husband. The caseworker came over for 10 minutes and left and said all she found was two nice people. He is not going to stop and i am about 2 seconds away from losing my cool....the fuse is lit and fading fast......

[dontunderstand]

I know it is hard, but this was actually a good thing for you.  Don't lose your cool (at least in front of him!)  You can now start to show that he doesn't have your son's best interest at heart!  It is not in his best interest to change therapists and how is it in his best interest to call child services and lie on you?  Now the social worker will write her report stating that none of the allegations are true. Go to their office and sign a release form so they will give/send you copies of the report.  He is going to build his own coffin all you have to do is follow along and gather the documentation.  It is frusterating!, but his anger will end up being his demise...hang in there!

[backwardsbike]

I had a similar situation with an ex whose anger was supposed to be the demise of him.  It didn't hppen.  The guy still runs my life 8 years after the divorce.

On the subject of the psychologist...I wouldn't agree ot a cahnge.  Let his lawyer haul you inot court.  Your child has an established relationship with the counselor you have chosena nd is making satisfactory progress.  IMHO dad doesn't have the chance of a snowball in hell of getting the counselor changed.