Overnight Stays at Boyfriend's

[rltfox]

Our case is in Washington state. We just found out that CP has been taking SS(10) to stay the night at her new boyfriend's house. Apparently it is happening quite frequently, enough so that they have set up his own "room" there.

We don't necessarily have a problem with her possibly settling down with this guy. The problem we do have is CP's relationship history. In the past 5 years she has had several boyfriends, none of which have lasted. This same time last year she had a different boyfriend living with her & SS in her mother's 3 bedroom mobile home. That boyfriend only moved out last February.

We just really hate for the cycle of instability to continue.  CP & SS have been living in her mother's trailer for the past 3 years. It isn't the greatest situation, but if it doesn't work out with this boyfriend they will be right back there.

CP moved 2-1/2 hours away from us 4 years ago with 1 day's notice. Since we are no longer in the same town it doesn't seem like a judge would be likely to change the custody over this issue. Are our hands pretty much tied? Is the CP required to let us know if SS is spending a significant number of nights at the boyfriend's (but not moved in)?

[junglechicken]

Yes, your hands are tied.

No, the cp is not required to let you know anything unless it's written in the order.  

Your situation's similar to ours, with some differences.

Our bm doesn't have her own home, trailer, apartment, at all.  She lives with her parents.

She's been with her bf almost as long as I've been with dh.

She lives less than a 1/2hr away from us.

Her bf lives in a bachelor apartment with his brother.  My girls don't even have a bed, much less a room, over there, but they spend the weekends they're with their mother, there.

So you could say I've btdt.  :P

[junglechicken]

Yes, your hands are tied.

No, the cp is not required to let you know anything unless it's written in the order.  

Your situation's similar to ours, with some differences.

Our bm doesn't have her own home, trailer, apartment, at all.  She lives with her parents.

She's been with her bf almost as long as I've been with dh.

She lives less than a 1/2hr away from us.

Her bf lives in a bachelor apartment with his brother.  My girls don't even have a bed, much less a room, over there, but they spend the weekends they're with their mother, there.

So you could say I've btdt.  :P

[rltfox]

junglechicken, you have btdt!  But don't be confused, our CP doesn't own a home/trailer/apartment either. She also lives with her mother!

[snapplegirl69]

You really cant dictate what ss does when not with you.A judge might not give custody,BUT bm is required to gain permission from the court when moving that far.Since SHE moved,SHE is in charge of 100% transportation

[4honor]

If he checks out clean, maybe call the police and ask if he is any danger to your children. Sometimes they will say.

If he is no danger, then this is one of those "add on" matters for when you go to court over something else.  Get it spelled out in the CO that "for the stability of the child" no more than one overnight per year in the company of someone not related by blood or marriage. That gives them family, a friend on the rare occasion, and step family and eliminates the serial  monogamy of the CP.

Watch out, though, cause if the NCP is not married, but living with their SO, this can cause problems for them.