Teenage runaway

[cowgirl]

I am a sm of a 14 yr old girl.  She lives in NY w/mom & we live in PA.  What would happen if she was to runaway & show up on our door step?  She has made mention of running away a couple of times now.  Would we or the police have to bring her back to her mother or if she is safe (roof over head, food, clothes ect) would she be able to stay until the issue was settled between parents & her or court?  Or if she was to runaway a couple of miles away from home & she called & asked dad/myself or family member to pick her up? Is that legal? Or would she have to find her own way w/o family member assistance?  Any one w/information on this that maybe able to help please let me know.  

[lucky]

We had this issue with my osd - then 14 yo and DH was CP.  When she ran, we KNEW that she was with family members on her mother's side.  The police interviewed EVERYONE, friends, family, teachers, etc.

Her mother's family was informed by the police that if they were harboring osd and the police found out, they would be arrested and charged with a felony.  They were never caught harboring her when the police came looking, but instead brought osd to CPS thinking that they would get temp. custody that way (she "just happened" to show up).  CPS and the police brought osd back home to us.

What happened is that osd ran again and that time, dh voluntarily put her into a 30 day placement at a semi-correctional facility so we could participate in family therapy without her walking out, etc.  Her mother THEN brought the situation to court and it ended up that the court ordered foster care (and correctional facilities later came into play) for the next 3 years and her mother got less time with osd than she began with (so did we as a result obviously).

Osd ran because she didn't like our rules and she was encouraged by her mother's family to run because that way, CPS and/or court would award custody to her mother again (who had no rules).

I'd be very careful with this, especially since you're in different states.  I would check with a lawyer on the legalities and the possibilities of a custody suit.  You might also want to check with the police.  I've run into a situation where a lawyer told us one thing, however, the police department said the opposite.  You don't want a lawyer telling you it's ok to keep her and have CP call the cops and the cops arrest you or your dh because the cops likely won't care if your attorney told you it was ok, they'll tell you to sort it out when you go to court.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[dsm]

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 2
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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[cowgirl]

Thanks so much for your reply & input.

It's jus a very stressful situation going on right now.  We just don't know what to do.  Sd is failing tremendously in school & we have spoken to her about it on Sunday & she admitted that she wants & needs the help from us because she doesn't get it @ home & her mother isn't educated enough to help.  We tried talking to the ex about sd coming to live w/us but she right out refused.  SD told mom she would visit every weekend & still no.  But we are sure after we left that Sd mind was changed to stay w/mom.  So we don't know if we should believe Sd that she wants the help or if she was just telling us that or what.  But this was the 1st time ever that she has said she would come live w/us & knows she would be ok & admitted that she is afraid of her mother (she's controlling)Bm took us to court last week to try to get the judge to sign an order so that Sd doesn't have to come visit like order but when she is ready & wants to she will.  It got thrown out of court & ordered for Sd to get involved in counseling to see what the problem is of why she doesn't want to come up.  (didn't see her for 9 mos prior to the petition, petition filed b/c DH wanted Sd to come up so he could talk to her)We strongly believe that bm has sd so confused & afraid she doesn't know what to do.  And @ this point neither do we......

But sd has told bm & us that she would run away when she doesn't get what she wants....

Would we have a case (in NY) to get custody based on her failing school (down hill almost every yr not just this yr)?  Being that mom doesn't have the means or education to help?  

Any advise or input would be greatly appreciated.  

[MixedBag]

Both times SD's were 17, and they did it one year apart.

Mom kept the girls from Dad for 3 years and Dad was fighting full-blown PAS.

OSD left mom and two months later she turned 18.  Mom "acquiesed" (means gave up) custody of OD 5 days before she turned 18.  OSD would have flunked out of high school -- but with Dad she got all A's and one C in math (her sore subject).

MSD came for the next summer and said she wasn't going back.  So Dad filed for custody and Mom once again "acquiesed" within a month.

Dad only has son (13) to worry about now....

The police came to our door and OD went out to talk to them.  She told them she wasn't going back and that we weren't holding her against her will.  With MD, the police weren't called.

I personally think that between 10 and about 16, you're in a gray area when it comes to "what will happen for sure."

One thing we learned is that when OD came, Dad couldn't enroll her in school unless he had primary permanent custody.  No such thing as a temp order or nothing, it had to be a permanent order.

Neither OD nor MD had/have a real close relationship with their mother.  Sure they talk alot on the phone, but since 01, OD has seen her once and that took about 4 years.  MD has seen her 3 times -- twice in the last year and once because she had to use the plane ticket.  

[MixedBag]

nm