I'm new here

[Dadxl5]

Hello all,
   I was routed here through a site called Helen's World of BPD Resources.  I have been doing joint custody for seven years of a WONderful boy of 12.  His mother, however lacks a little of his wonderful-ness.

   I have recently discovered she suffers from (I've always known she suffered...) Borderline Personality Disorder.  When we met 15 years ago, it was in full bloom already.  It just took about 3 months to start to scream through what turned out to be rapidly expanding cracks in her self-control.

   I moved out 8 years ago.  Because we didn't marry, I had no custody or visitation rights.  Within three years, I had to go to court to get them established.  From the way she reacted, you'd think I was trying to get custody of her Eternal Salvation.  

   False allegations of sexual abuse of our son, allegations of wife beating and an astounding parade of bad behavior on both her and her attorneys part.  They forged documents to submit to court, lied when it would have benefited them to tell the truth.

   All said and done, we got joint legal, physical with mother and reasonable visitation with regular phone calls.  But mother has unilateral decision-making re: school and health.  And she's taken it to mean she does whatever she wants, whenever and why-ever.  With impunity.

   But nothing has been regular since.  They also ruined my reputation by whispering the allegations everywhere, including to my clients.  Ruined my company and broke the bank.  (Attorney loved to threaten my attorney with actions and sanctions until he finally quit.)

   It's always been bad but in the last year, it's gotten worse.  (I'm on disability and a limited, fixed income, otherwise, I'd have gone back to court for non-compliance reasons.

   But now, she's been deteriorating over the last 8 months.  She's withdrawn expanded visitation, calls aren't being made, son's grades plummeted when she took over and he's about to lose out on academic enrichment program standing and I'm tired of the pain.

   I'll stop now and post this.
   Hello all.  I'm glad I found this site and wish I'd found it sooner.  I haven't looked around alot yet but I will.  Anybody like to point me in any particular direction?
Mike
   

[Ref]

Two of my least favorite words. Is that all it says in your parenting agreement or does it spell out times? If that is all that is said, you need to go back to court and get visitation spelled out. If yours states when these visitations are to occur, you need to enforce them through tons of documentation and a motion for contempt.

As far as your son is concerned, you need to talk to his teachers and his counselor. Find out what is going on in his life through them. BM will not be of any use to you, so bypass her as much as possible.

We too have this problem. For the past 10 years we have worked very hard at keeping in SD's life. I have to say 12-14 were pretty hard years for us. Now things are easier. SD knows BM "exaggerates". She doesn't call often, but she is a teen.

I have been keeping a journal on Livejournal.com for her. It is almost like writing her letters.(BM wont let me call, email or IM with SD)Every week or two I put in what is going on in our lives. She's bored enough where she reads it. Sometime, but not often, she writes a reply. It makes me so happy! Try doing that. That way your boy knows you are trying to keep him in your life. There are better sites for this now. Try myspace.com (the hot site for teens) or xanga.com (not as hot as last year).

Good Luck and keep us posted!
Ref

[MixedBag]

you got out of line on Soc's board.

Bi-polar disorder is not a reason to get custody changed.

The actions resulting from her decisions will give you reasons to go back to court and file for contempt which MIGHT eventually lead to a custody change.

As the NCP, the best thing you can do for your children is to teach them right from wrong and that includes protecting themselves at all times.

This is a fantastic site -- and I've been here from Day One......and I'm one of only a handful here that can say that honestly.

Go to the many articles here and start reading.  And actually next time you post to Soc, READ the directions for that board that are pinned at the top.  He's given thousands -- yep thousands -- of people who come here fantastic advice.

You can find the articles by clicking on "search" that's at the bottom of the page.  There's so many that you'll run out of ink and paper before you've printed them off.