Just got D papers

[Shaggy579]

 was just given divorce papers after 1 yr of separation. All of the examples for the grounds are from a period when I abused drugs. I have been in counseling for that last year (just finished :) and am back to the person I was when my wife and I met. I would like to go to marriage counseling to attempt to work things out, we have 2 children (1 and 3) that really deserve a normal family/childhood, and I still care deeply for my wife.

1- I was given papers by my mother in law (she hates me and likely enjoyed it) - Can she officially serve me?

2- can I safely state my intent to contest the D without a lawyer (I dont have $$$)? If so, what papers do I need, and where would I send them?

Thanks in advance for any advice!

BTW- I live in NY, not the city.

[ocean]

HI,
Yes, anyone of 18 can serve you. Is the communication line open between the two of you? I would either talk to her, write an e-mail, or letter explaining the past and the last year. Offer to go to a counselor of her choosing and see how she reacts. If she still wants a divorce, you really can not fight that part. In NY, the grounds could be 1 year separation (that is it-no need to give examples) so she has the grounds. What do you want to contest?

[notnew]

Not legal advice - just an opinion

Yes - MIL can serve you. Anyone can serve legal papers as long as they aren't a party to the case (in this case your STBX (soon to be ex wife) or yourself).

Important that the MIL shoud have to file paperwork with the court certifying that she officially served you for the court to consider the paperwork served. However, if you let the court know you have the paperwork, then you admitting you have been served. Catch 22.

Now that the paperwork has been served, you should receive something from the court giving a court date after MIL files notice of service.

Does your paperwork give you any time frame to respond, etc.? If you and your STBX have been separated for the past year and you were abusing drugs when the separation started, then that is the basis of her divorce case so she is not necessarily out of line in filing in this manner.

Have you spoken to your wife about your desire to reconcile? How does she respond?

Anyone can represent themselves (pro-se). However, to do so properly, you must do a lot of research and make sure you follow proper procedure. This is hard to do and takes a lot of time and attention to detail. It is easy enough to get screwed having a lawyer, not having one makes it easier sometimes unless you are on top of your game. You can also opt to use a lawyer but for the least amount of actual time as necessary. That means you serve, file, type, etc. Not all lawyers are willing to do this.

It is hard to say how you can respond. If you are looking for legal ground, post on the Dear Socrateaser board (read the mandatory guidelines) and see wheat he says.

Is your STBX being unreasonable? You need to make sure that if you can't agree to reconcile, that your rights as a father are preserved and you don't get taken to the cleaner financially.

Living a clean life is a good start. You need to gather all the support network around you that you can. This may get pretty ugly and you will need all the help you can get to keep your mind on an even keel.

good luck and we can try to offer more insight if you give more details.

[Shaggy579]

A little more info- 2 days before I was served, I filed for a change of visitation (completion of couseling was considered a significant change of circumstances in the original cust/visit order). I have been told that that case is cancelled and moved from family court to supreme court to be merged with the divorce case.

I do not dispute any of the property or $ issues, I agree with them. I dispute the grounds of cruel/unusual treatment, and the current visitation order (7 hours/wk, supervised, not at my home). I would agree to 'irreconcilable differences' or something similar, and I want a more 'normal' visitation schedule (more time, overnights, unsupervised, at my home etc.).

I would be hard pressed to afford an attorney, but I do not want my right to raise my children to be compromised.

Any suggestions?

Thanks again,
Steve

[Shaggy579]

My wife has responded very negatively to any talk of reconcilliation - please see my other post in this thread for other details

Thanks,
Steve