PAS

[gemini3]

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[Mamacass]

That's awful!  I'm not sure how to deal with it, but I definitely agree with talking to the therapist about it.  I can't see her saying it would be ok to tell the kids that stuff.  I don't think it's healthy for the kids to be involved in court stuff or any other adult problems.  
Depending on the age of the kids, you might try to explain that you do give Mommy money every week/month to help take care of them.  Tell them that when it comes to taking care of them, including child support, that you and Mommy will talk about those things and you will always do what's best for them.  But other than that, I wouldn't really get into it.  
Unfortunately, some BM's seem to think that they somehow win if they can make the kids think negatively about their fathers.  I mean really, who does that hurt in the long run?  
My SS's mom actually told him that we were making his teacher go to court so that we could take him (SS) away from her (BM).  What's sad is we were trying to tell SS as little as court as possible.  In fact all we said to him is that there were some changes that were coming, but we all wanted what was best for him.  We are trying to protect SS from knowing what a mess his mom really is.    
She has also forgotten to pick SS up on her days before, and once she lied and told SS it was Daddy's day, and she didn't know why he didn't want to pick him up.  The most recent time, she told SS it was Daddy's fault for not reminding her the night before (because apparently she can't remember that she is supposed to pick him up EVERY Tuesday).  Basically she'll say anything to make her self look like the good parent, and DH look like the bad parent.  
I know its a tough situation.  It's hard to defend yourself, without telling the children more than they need to know.  Just keep taking the high road, b/c it is the right way.  Don't talk poorly about BM, and don't tell the kids more than they need to know.  And if you find some magic way to make the BM behave like an adult or a better way to talk to the kids about it, let me know.  Good luck, I'll be praying for y'all.  

[gemini3]

123

[Ref]

DH has always taken the high road. BM tells SD about court about what happened in Dh& BM's marriage (13 years ago). BM lies to her about his contact with the school. She twists everything to being his fault. She tells SD that she doesn't have to see him if she wants to be with her friends and then she tells her that her Dad is making her by threatening to take her to court if she doesn't send Sd. SD had a birthday party she wanted to go to but DH hadn't seen SD in months. She had to miss the party to fly up. BM told DH that both SHE and Sd cried all the way to the terminal. Can you say nuts.

Any Sd is now "old enough" to tell Dh off to his face. She repeats all of the lies BM has told her over the years like they are truth BECAUSE she has only heard her mom's side of things over the years. She even told me straight out that she will always believe her mom and never her dad or me.

I honestly have some problems with only taking the high road now, because of my experience and how it worked against DH in the long run. We'll see in a few years how it plays out, but I am now changeing tactics a bit. I am now defending things. I will not let Sd believe that BM is Dh's vicitm. If SD says something that is untrue, I will tell her that her mom is not right with that and that it happened differently. I will not call her mom names infront of her, but I will no longer use the line "that is between your mom and dad" because it isn't. BM has made it between mom and SD vs. Dad.

Best of luck and happy holidays

ref

[gemini3]

123

[mistoffolees]

You would presumably have to prove that she slandered him. If she didn't use his name, that would be hard.

Of course, there's also the fact that she's spreading lies to her friends, but I would doubt that you could ever prove that.

I'm dealing with the same thing. Even though my stbx has gotten almost 60% of our joint income since our separation (and I'm also paying 100% of medical, 100% of education, 100% of child care, and 100% of extracurricular activities from my 40%), my step-daughters and mother-in-law (both soon-to-be-ex, but I'd still like to have good relationships with them) think I'm not paying anything and am trying to force her to starve.

At some point, you have to concentrate on battles you can win. I would focus on what she's telling the kids. If you have serious reason to believe that she's feeding them lies, I'd talk with an attorney to see about getting a custody evaluator assigned. Most courts take parental alienation pretty seriously.

[melissa3]

I wouldn't make her take it down. In fact, I wouldn't even let her know that you know about it. The more bad stuff she writes about you guys the better it may be for you (i.e.: incase you need evidence of her malicious and evil personality in court or for an evaluator….)

Also, this is a good way for you to keep "tabs" on BM. My fiancé and I found out our BM was moving by reading what she posted on her personal page. However, once she found out we had a profile on that site she made hers private so we couldn’t see it. Now we have no way of knowing what BM is up to. I hate to say it, but sometimes this is war and I’d suggest being as covert as possible so you can collect as much info from BM as you can.

Good luck…..

[Mamacass]

I used to read BM's blogs, and they used to annoy the hell out of me.  One wasa poem about how when her and DH were together he used to throw punches through the night and how although they've been apart for years she still can't sleep well because of him.  Funny, because he is a very peaceful sleeper.  Then there was the love poem she wrote about him.  she also wrote a poem one day after threatening me and my pregnancy about how this is war, and one of us won't survive.  And then there was the poem she wrote for SS about how all the hard times and tears she has had are worth it when he smiles.  (Boy is that a lot of pressure for a kid whose mom has mental problems.  She actually gave SS a copy of that one and his therapist told us that it was not appropriate.)
Anyhow, I used to read her blogs on her myspace, and then she made her site private.  I'll tell you what- sometimes I think that was the best thing she could have done.  Yes, it was nice to be able to look on there and see what her mental state was and what she was up to, and there was no way for her to know that we were "checking her out".  But it also meant that I spent time stressing over things that didn't matter in the long run.  So while we don't have quite as much info on her anymore, I also don't stress about what crazy stuff she's saying.  
You might be better off not looking at her blogs.  You can't change it, and all it will do is tick you off.  You can't change the lies she's telling her friends, although you could probably post a reply to her blog saying that thank goodness she doesn't have to deal with a deadbeat dad since you pay 100% of the kids needs.  And in the long run, its only your kids opinions that matter.  While they may be too young to explain everything to now, when they are old enough you can show them what the truth is.