Moving

[HelpingHands]

Bringing this over from Soc's board.

Mom moved and didn't provide required 30 day's notice last month. She never provided a written notice at all. And only informed my wife  about 2 wks  after she had already moved. She has failed to inform me that she will not be exercising scheduled weekend visitations either(2 of them) as required by the order.

We are a family of 7, going from a cramped 3 br apartment into a 3000+ sq ft house. I paid the first month's rent and deposit over the weekend(you don't find this deal everyday and when it's offered up, you have to jump on it)

Mom is a habitual paper filer within the court system. For the past 7 1/2 yrs she has done everything but what she was supposed to be doing re: court orders, yet she would file papers annually against me to terminate my parental rights, supervised visitations, ect. for NO reason whatsoever.

Mother gets child for Spring Break(in two weeks). We'll meet half way for drop off and pick up. Besides missing time from work it will cost $$ for the trips... that's money I don't have to spend, in addition to paying rent for 2 places, as well as utilities and moving costs. And another trip for Easter Weekend.

Logic would say just stay the extra month, but reality is I am supporting my family with no additional outside help(ie: child support) and have already paid for the new place. Rambling here... could just move things that are not needed right away and move the bulk of furniture after the 30th day. Hmmm

[mistoffolees]

If  BM is a habitual filer, count on the fact that you're going to have legal expenses if you don't do it by the book. Which is more expensive - a court battle or just paying the extra month's rent?

[HelpingHands]

True enough. She's aching to go back to court. Just this past weekend she called and left several nasty messages and eventually yelled at me  telling me she will be in touch with her attorney. Why? Because she's allowed to call our daughter 3 times a week and we weren't home the night she called. My daughter was visiting her grandparents. Yah she called the next day, like I told her she could and she fell all over herself trying to apologize. I have NEVER denied her the right to speak to our child EVER. She can call morning, noon or night- everyday- it doesn't matter, if our daughter is home, she can talk to her. And this is the FIRST time in her 8 yrs of life she wasn't home for a call from her mother.

Sorry went off track there.

I think we'll move some of our stuff, but not our furniture and just stay in the apartment until after the 30th day. I hate having to jump through her hoops when she's doing wrong herself.

[mistoffolees]

Since you're doing it by the book and she's not, you could always file for contempt against her.

It probably won't get you anywhere, but sometimes it helps to have the other person found to be in contempt. It might help the next time she tries to pull something.

[Mamacass]

when BM moved 4 hours away, she was required to give 30 days written notice.  She mentioned she was thinking about moving in a family therapy session (her, SS, me and DH all used to attend) about 6 weeks before she moved.  She sent us a letter after she had finished moving (which coincidentally was 2 weeks after we filed to keep her from moving the child).  Anyways, when it got to court it didn't seem to be a big deal that she gave us written notice after she had already moved.  I thought it would be a bigger deal, but was apparently wrong.  

How far are you moving?  It doesn't sound like a big move in your post, more like a move to a better house in the same area.  If that's the case, I can't see the courts being that upset that you didn't give 30 days written notice.  

On the other hand, it seems that the courts never do what you expect, so it nover hurts to do things by the book.  You may want to check with your attorney though, and see what they think.  

[HelpingHands]

Thanks for the response. The court didn't make a big deal each and every time she's moved with our daughter without notifications. She moved in August and told our daughter not to tell me. She even moved a week before court in November and DIDN'T notify me at all and I had to let our daughter go with her without knowing her address. She;s moved 3 times in less than 6 months.

I have a call in to the attorney. The paralegal said she didn't see a problem with us going ahead and moving but isn't advising anything. She will get with the attorney and ask his advice how to proceed.

Yes, this is a HUGE improvement. The home is less than 15 miles from where we are currently. It will not in any way affect the BM, as we are ordered to meet half way and if she does want to visit at other times, we will meet in a public location, anyways.

And you are so right. She's gotten away with so much, but let me do something not by the book and who knows what would happen in court.



>when BM moved 4 hours away, she was required to give 30 days
>written notice.  She mentioned she was thinking about moving
>in a family therapy session (her, SS, me and DH all used to
>attend) about 6 weeks before she moved.  She sent us a letter
>after she had finished moving (which coincidentally was 2
>weeks after we filed to keep her from moving the child).
>Anyways, when it got to court it didn't seem to be a big deal
>that she gave us written notice after she had already moved.
>I thought it would be a bigger deal, but was apparently wrong.
>
>
>How far are you moving?  It doesn't sound like a big move in
>your post, more like a move to a better house in the same
>area.  If that's the case, I can't see the courts being that
>upset that you didn't give 30 days written notice.  
>
>On the other hand, it seems that the courts never do what you
>expect, so it nover hurts to do things by the book.  You may
>want to check with your attorney though, and see what they
>think.  

[notnew]

I wouldn't worry about it. Maintaining two residences for a couple of weeks to meet the requirement is an undue hardship.

Missing the 30 day mark by a few days in a minor issue that is obviously in a huge sea of major infractions by the other side.

If she were to make an issue out of this unimportant item, I think the court would see her as being harassing by using the courts.

See, these "rules' that are set forth in orders are really not that important to the courts. NOW, if you were moving far away and it would have an impact on the child's life, travel time, etc., I think you would have something to deal with there. However, this is not the case so I wouldn't sweat the small stuff.

Congratulations on the new house!!!

Enjoy this step up in your world and don't let BM rain on your joy.

Also, it is sometimes better to just accept that BM's are going to be snippity and unhappy no matter what is going on in their lives just because you are living a successful and happy life and they are living to cause you grief. Just brush her off like an annoying fly and do your thing. It will be better for you and your child(ren).

[HelpingHands]

Thank you!

[Mamacass]

"See, these "rules' that are set forth in orders are really not that important to the courts. NOW, if you were moving far away and it would have an impact on the child's life, travel time, etc., "

This made me think about it a little differently....

I think you hit right on it there.  The whole point of the 30 day written notice is to give the other parent ample time to file with the courts if the move is going to negatively impact the child (or the visitation schedule- which also would impact the child).  In this case, there is absolutely no reason for the mother to try to stop the child from moving the residence 1.5 miles.

If her sole reason for going to court is that you didn't give the required 30 days notice, the courts are going to wonder why she's wasting their time.  I think a judge will be more upset with her for bringing something so insignificant to court than they will be with you for not giving a full 30 days notice.  Not to mention, you gave her as much notice as you could since the move wasn't really planned.  From the information you've given, you had a valid reason as to why you didn't give the advance notice.  You should be fine.  

[HelpingHands]

Just wanted to correct the distance involved. It's between 10-15 miles (I believe 13 miles to be exact) not 1.5.  It will require a change in schools next yr, as I will keep our children in their current school to finish the yr out. There's less than 65 school days left and I don't believe it would be to their benefit to change this late in the year.

The new house is literally one block from the new school. You can see the school from my new home.

Our daughter has been in a new school system every year since she's been in school. She's in 2nd grade currently.  If she were with her mother, she would have had to been to 3 schools already just this school year. The school district we are moving to is a k-12  school and she will never have to change schools again.