Have tricky situation..experts needed!!

[Sunshine1]

yes yes, I didn't forget about you.  I am looking for everything they have sent me on this thing and the exact study they are doing so you can give me your professional opinion as well.  

"...that the researchers want the father's DNA for a pure research study - to learn more about the disease in the HOPE that it might someday lead to a treatment"...

The study IS for exactly this and to make a complete analysis of this whole deal they need all the pieces..meaning me, dad and child.

In your post you said that he and his new wife can't stand me, and that is a very true statement, HOWEVER... I do not believe that he truly hates me and is doing what he is told by his wife to keep the peace.  for whatever reason she has taken over and I do not believe that the step parents have any right to create such havoc that I am not even now allowed to speak to my ex about our children.

I am a step parent and I would never do that to my husband, its none of my business what they work out.  Anyway whole other topic there...

I believe he is doing this out of total spite. I also think he doesn't want to know if he is a carrier.  He wants it be denovo, and not find out after all these years it was him.

There is so many more issues that go along with this man that I couldn't possibly explain them all except when our child was first hospitalized at 8 months old he told my mother, he didn't want a f'd up kid.  She kept that from me until we got divorced.  Nice dad huh?  So if I have to file something to get him to do it in HOPES there will be a cure, blackmail or not, he's a pile and I will do it.

[lilywhite]

There are lots of reasons that it is important to know the father's allele.  For one, it is important to know if this particular condition (which I think I read was a deletion) is a common hot spot for mutation.  It could also be caused by a trinucleotide repeat, uneven crossing over at meiosis I or even II or even mitosis.  To differentiate between the different uneven crossing over events, it would be necessary to know the father's genetic state AND the mother's.  

It could be a trinucleotide repeat with crossing over as well.  Without the father's DNA, it will be impossible to tell.  For instance, if the mother's allele does not show the deletion, it could be that the deletion occurred either during meiosis II or mitosis in the father, or it could have happened in the child.  Or it could be a hot-spot only in the DNA of the father, but not shook loose by uneven crossing over.

Either way, if it is not evident in the mother's DNA, and it's not in the father's DNA, it's a de novo mutation.  While not ideal, it certainly is important to the mother and father as far as other children are concerned and also to the siblings of THIS child, even half-siblings.  FISH examination of the mother, child AND father is the best way to sort all of these different possibilities out.

I doubt a judge will rule that the father has to undergo this procedure.  It is highly unlikely, in fact.  Since your friend is his boss, maybe she can keep an envelope he licked.  Does he smoke?  If so, he's likely to leave some saliva on his cigarette butt.

[lilywhite]

You're not a geneticist, are you?  You're misusing and confusing terms.  Really, unless you are a genetics, you really shouldn't be stating your opinions about something so important in such a forceful way.   It would make more sense to say you know something about this, and here's your guess, but stating it so forcefully without the knowledge, training, and experience to back it up is just plain unethical.

[mistoffolees]

That clarifies things - and confirms what I expected. There's no way that his blood sample would have any impact on the child's treatment as far as I can tell. That makes it extremely unlikely that you'd ever get a court order.

You're free, of course, to do whatever you want, but since I doubt that you can force him (please see an attorney because I could be wrong and I'm not a lawyer), what good do you hope to do by filing? You won't win and you'll alienate him and his wife even more - making it even LESS likely that you'll ever get the blood sample.

Maybe he is the worst slimeball in the world. So? Do you think you're going to change him? Do you think that filing suit is going to magically make him wake up one morning and say "I've been a terrible father and I'm going to change"?

Are you more interested in hurting him or in helping your child? If the latter, filing a suit you probably can't win isn't going to help. Trying to find a third party to get involved might not help either, but it seems to me that there's at least some chance.

[Sunshine1]

.

[mistoffolees]

I just received it and sent a response.

Good luck.

[MixedBag]

do both.

I believe Sunshine's heart is in the right place and that this may help OTHERS -- if she does something legally, it's not just to pi$$ him off, it's to get cooperation.

[mistoffolees]

>do both.
>
>I believe Sunshine's heart is in the right place and that this
>may help OTHERS -- if she does something legally, it's not
>just to pi$$ him off, it's to get cooperation.
>
>

I don't think you're thinking this through.

On what legal basis can you force someone to submit a blood sample for a research test? I can't think of a single legal principle to stand on here.

So she's going to file suit against him, cost him money defending himself, try to make him look bad in public, and she won't win, anyway.

Just how is that supposed to help obtain his cooperation?

[Sunshine1]

BUT, I was up all night researching Motions to compel and I did find a few cases where people were court ordered to submit to blood work, psych evals, and there was one more I thought was weird but I can't remember right now.

I read your message, and you know and I know I can't FORCE him legally, and there really isn't anyone I can approach to intervene, we don't really have the same circle of friends anymore nor do I speak to his family members except for his father, who will not get in the middle of this.  If his mother were alive though, she would of rung his neck by now for how he is acting.

Anyway as I was saying, why can't I turn this into an argument that new genetic testing has became available ( truly has,was not around 10 years ago) and that the parents must re-submit to testing (as they did 10 years ago) and that it requires the participation of both parties (as it did 10 years ago) to find out what may be in store for our son and will greatly enhance his therapy portfolio.  He may be a candidate later for gene therapy.

As a result, our son was asked to participate in a research study for the genetic syndrome as a result of a happen chance meeting of two doctors who are world renound leading experts of this syndrome.

Misto- please stop looking for ways why he shouldn't, please help me reverse it and turn it into a positive.  This is was what I have been trying to do since my original post.

I need an argument to COMPEL him to want to do it.  Simply filing I believe will move his arse to do it, but if it goes to the big showdown I better be prepared to argue the positives to compel the judge to make him order it done...get it??  I know you would rather I use a neutral 3rd party for this, but truly there is not a soul that I know that could carry this out or I would do it.  I have had the dr's office attempt him 4 times and they don't want to call anymore.

So you see,  even if I lose, it was worth a try, and I will know I did everything I could.  

[mistoffolees]

>BUT, I was up all night researching Motions to compel and I
>did find a few cases where people were court ordered to submit
>to blood work, psych evals, and there was one more I thought
>was weird but I can't remember right now.
>

As I explained earlier, the only way you can compel is to demonstrate that it is needed for the child's current medical treatment. You can't do that.

>Misto- please stop looking for ways why he shouldn't, please
>help me reverse it and turn it into a positive.  This is was
>what I have been trying to do since my original post.

Sorry, I'm not going to lead you to believe that it's likely when I don't think it is. There's a very distant outside chance that you might pull it off, but I just don't see it. But it's because of the outside chance that I suggested you see an attorney.

>
>I need an argument to COMPEL him to want to do it.  Simply
>filing I believe will move his arse to do it, but if it goes
>to the big showdown I better be prepared to argue the
>positives to compel the judge to make him order it done...get
>it??

Sure, I get it. You're trying to force him to do something that IMHO you have no right to force him to do - and I suspect that the judge will agree with me.

I don't have a magic wand.