Have tricky situation..experts needed!!

[Sunshine1]

Ok, I have a medically challenged child.  He is mentally handicapped and mildly physically handicapped.

His Dad is AWOL, and refuses to speak to me about much of anything unless I go through his new wife instead.  Won't happen so therefore we do not speak.

Our child has a rare chromosomal disorder in which roughly only 600 kids in the world have been medically diagnosed.  We have been offered a place in a genetics study that will not only map out our child's future road but what could possibly pop up on his future road.  Noone knows what could happen but the study would give us quite a few roads to pick from at least.

Not only will this help our child it will be published in a medical journal and will ultimately help the entire population as there is nothing on record of any substantial help for any of us.  Needless to say this study is important.

To my questiona now.  Sent a letter to Dad and actually send two, first one was sent Restricted Certified and they let SM pick it up!  Sent a second one Restricted Certified and explained why and BF did pick it up, but sent a letter back that he shares all information with his wife and duplicate materials were not necessary.  He also requested to actually speak to the Dr conducting the study.  Buwhahahaha.  I really don't think the Professor of Peds at the University is going to sit and talk to him since I couldn't get near him at a National conference.  But hey, I will give you the information.

I had the Dr's office that was taking the information down to GIVE to the Professors study give him a call.

Guess who he got to speak with..Yeah SM took the message and told them that he would likely submit to the bloodwork crutial for submission for the study to map out the genetics of the disorder.

That was a month ago and I have called the Dr's office once a week to see if he has given the bloodwork.  They have called 3 times too.

Now I am on a time crunch to get this in and I have no idea what to do.  I had asked the fake SOC what to do a while back if he wouldn't comply and he said it was an infringment of his civil rights...blah blah blah.

Anyway does anyone know what I could file to compel him to submit to the bloodwork needed to help our child?  This is not life or death like a kidney transplant or anything but the opportunities from the outcome of this study could change his whole way of life.

I am 98% sure once I file something he will go take it so he knows I'm serious, but what the hell do I file this under???  We are in MN.

Thanks to anyone that can help me.

[MixedBag]

I wonder if you could file a "Motion to Show Cause" because Dad is interfering by not cooperating with son's medical care by not providing some blood?

Explain in the Motion everything you've explained here and your requests and attempts to get Dad to cooperate along with those of the medical office.

Maybe once dad sees the motion, he'll show up, and then you can withdraw your motion.

Focus on the fact that it's medically necessary for the son.

And I wonder -- is dad possibly permanently on the hook because your son will always be a dependent adult when he gets older?

It's in the child's best interest to heal and move forward -- and if dad needs too cooperate, maybe this part needs to be pointed out to dad as well.

I'm also thinking along the lines of the "3 elements of contempt" that the old Soc posted a while ago -- and honestly, it's probably not part of the order, but if you bring in an expert witness to testify to the need for the son for the father to provide a sample, I'm on the side that a judge would order it.

[mistoffolees]

I guess I'm a little confused.

Who has legal custody?
Who has physical custody?

If you have sole legal custody, you can presumably take care of it yourself.

If you have joint legal custody, you can probably take care of it yourself (but check with an attorney).

If you don't have legal custody, then you're going to have to either petition the court to order it (although I suspect that this is not going to be a slam-dunk since it's not medically necessary by normal standards) or you can bribe the father to allow it. What can you offer him in return (either more time with the kid, explain the benefit to the kid, or whatever).

[Sunshine1]

What was confusing?

I have sole physical custody and joint legal custody.  Their father hasn't seen or spoken to them in 3 years.

I can't take care of anything myself under any type of custody arrangement, since we need both parents blood to map his genetic code.

As stated before I have sent 2 letters spelling this out step by step what was needed and or required of him and the Dr's office has called a total of 4 times to get him to come in over a months time.

I need either expert advice or someone who has tried to manuever this type of delicate situation, or something similar.  I can't make him come in but I can sure make him "think" he is obligated to do so as medically necessary for his child's sake...do you get where I am going here?

Bottom line he is an A-hole and has stated that he has a normal child now he needs to take care of.  So whatever I have to file to make this sperm donor get his ass in the Dr's office to give 3 viles of blood so his child may go on to lead a semi independent life, I have turned here for some advice.

Sorry if I seem rude but it hasn't been a good day.

[Sunshine1]

Thanks Mixed.  I was thinking of a Motion to show cause too.  It worked last time after asking for insurance cards repeatedly for 2 years.

He will be a dependent adult.  He will not be able to live on his own....This is already in my head. He is young still but we are already setting the wheels in motion to build a house on enough land for him to live semi-independent when it is time or have an apartment connected to our house.  It sounds weird to be thinking that far ahead, but it will arrive soon enough.

What do you mean that this part needs to be pointed out?

[notnew]

File an emergency hearing and ask the court to order him to submit to all required medical tests and/or provide all information required so the child can participate in the study.

I think if you put the information in the motion as you did above, with the specifics (like name of condition, etc.) - that any judge in their right mind (or wrong mind - this is a no brainer) will order him to comply with this. Also, ask in your order that SM be prohibited from acting as secretary and running interferance as SHE has no biological connection to this matter and the information needs to come from the people with a biological connection only.

What a jerk!

[mistoffolees]

What wasn't clear was that you wanted the father to submit to blood testing. From your original post, I assumed that you needed the child's blood.

I suspect that you're out of luck. I doubt very much if you can force an adult to submit to this type of testing. Check with an attorney, but I just don't think it's going to fly. It's an invasion of privacy by any standard. If there were an immediate benefit for the child, you just might have an outside chance (but even then, it doesn't seem likely).

For whatever reason, he's not willing to go out of his way - and you can't force him. Reading between the lines, I suspect that he's doing it to p*** you off - I don't think there's much reasonable communication going on. OTOH, maybe he's the one who's p**** off ("sperm donor" comments, for example). My advice would therefore be for you to drop it and ask a third party to discuss it with him (pastor, mutual friend, one of the child's grandparents, etc).

What you're doing isn't working and I suspect (but check with a lawyer since I could be wrong) that you can't force him, so find another approach.

[mistoffolees]

>File an emergency hearing and ask the court to order him to
>submit to all required medical tests and/or provide all
>information required so the child can participate in the
>study.
>
>I think if you put the information in the motion as you did
>above, with the specifics (like name of condition, etc.) -
>that any judge in their right mind (or wrong mind - this is a
>no brainer) will order him to comply with this. Also, ask in
>your order that SM be prohibited from acting as secretary and
>running interferance as SHE has no biological connection to
>this matter and the information needs to come from the people
>with a biological connection only.
>
>What a jerk!

He may or may not be a jerk, but I suspect that what you're suggesting won't work.

First, I don't think the court can force him to submit to blood work which has no immediate benefit to the child. (even if it DOES have immediate benefit, I'm not sure they can do it). Second, he's an adult. If he wants his wife to handle his correspondence, that's well within his rights. As for being a jerk, remember that you're hearing only one side of the story - I guess I've become a bit jaded. There are too many times when you hear one side of the story and you think that the other person is a jerk, but as more and more facts come out, you realize that there's much more to the story.

As I explained in my other post, my suggestion would be for the bm to drop it and ask someone else to intervene. For whatever reason, the two parents are unable to communicate meaningfully. A third party might be able to convince him of the value of the testing without getting into a fight (which simply causes him to walk away).

I would also suggest that the two of them consider counseling (separately, of course) to help deal with all the hostility issues that are obviously buried here. If he won't go, then she should get some counseling to deal with issues.

[mistoffolees]

>Focus on the fact that it's medically necessary for the son.
>

There's the rub. Based on the facts in the post, it's not medically necessary for the son. It's a medical research study that MIGHT have some benefit in the long run. More likely, it will have some benefit for future children who suffer from the disease.

Is it a worthy thing for the father to give the blood sample? Sure. Is it something that he should be encouraged to do? Absolutely.

But I don't see anything that makes it medically necessary. Furthermore, I'm not sure that you can force someone to give blood against their will even if it IS medically necessary.

[notnew]

Mist,

It is medically necessary, per the original post, to map the child's future (the genetic mapping of the disease will indicate what is most likely to happen later in life such as secondary conditions, etc.). It could also provide an indicator of a more effective treatment to utilize.

I suspect the poster is frustrated because while she loves her child, she has been effectively left "holding" the bag in assuming all care taking responsibilities for a special needs child while the father has remarried and now has a "normal" child to look after. This child needs his attention too. If all he is willing to give is a blood sample, then so be it, but he should at least be willing to give that. He certainly didn't have a problem with giving a sperm sample while creating this child.

I do believe it is worth a shot for her to take it to court. They are running out of time to get the child involved in the program.

It is highly inappropriate for the new wife to be the sole source of communication. I would never expect my wife to take this role and I believe this poster is in the right in her objection to this. In our case, my ex wife makes false allegations about events that take place at exchanges so my wife does come along for these but does not speak to or otherwise interact with my ex at all.

I think it is worth a try for her to take this to court. The guy is a cad for ignoring this child and should not have the opportunity to have any "normal" children for his behavior.

JMHO - I don't have a legal basis for this - but I KNOW what is right.