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[awakenlynn]

We have a relatively decent size house, but when we are home we do work on it, you know general chores and then also actually fixing it up.  When ex and SD talk we generally try to give them some privacy, but once in awhile we do overhear part of conversations.

We heard a couple things that concerned us and that is what I have questions about.

Ex was questioning SD about if my husband was going to be at the court hearing that is being scheduled?  She is asking SD for information about our family.  We have never spoken to SD about our court cases or anything of a legal nature to her.  SD is now 14 and now we know ex is discussing it with her, we are thinking of sitting down with SD, explaining what goes on this house stays in this house and not for ex to be nosy about.  We also want to speak with SD about the case.  Not in specifics necessarily, just a conversation about what SD knows is going on, what are her thoughts, and ideas and concerns and to have an opportunity to explain our side so she has a more rounded idea of what is going on.

Ex also mentioned about SD about them possibly moving and that SD wasn't to say anything to anyone.  We don't pry into SD's conversations and would never usually ask.  They did have severe flooding in the area they live in, so we did ask if everyone was ok through the bad weather.  We keep it general and "social" chatting.  I do feel that if feels like ex is asking SD to "keep secrets" and that that is helping ex put a wedge between the relationship of SD and her father.  I and her dad want SD to be able to come to dad about anything and feel free to talk if she has questions.

Should we be talking to ex, how should we approach our talks with her? How do we get her to understand her maternal family and her paternal family stays seperate.  Information here doesn't go there and vice versa.

And yes, I know eavesdropping however unexpected does usually result in information you don't want to know.  And I think that is what makes this worse.  We have always tried to be good parents, never putting SD in the middle, not treating her as a babysitter for the younger siblings, giving her input, treating her equal and loved.  Ex doesn't do any of that and SD is 100% loyal to her mother.  On one hand I don't want SD to grow up, we love having this time together that we know we will get yearly, but on the other hand, we can't wait until she is 18, out of her mother's house and into college where she will have a better chance and an older mind to figure out what really went on for all these years.

Lynn