What do you do...?

[iceclimber]

about public humiliation?

i'm referring to extracurricular events and at school.

when the other parent tells  other parents bad things about you.... technically, since this isn't IN FRONT OF the children is it bad?

ignoring you in front of other parents if you are talking to her/him or asking a question. refuse to accept an item, when you are trying to hand them your child's batting helmet.

complain to the school about your volunteerism because of your exposure to her/his SD and request that you not volunteer in that department... and the school responds by requesting that you no longer volunteer.

it is difficult enough to deal with the daily verbal garbage. (ie accusations, references about my past and my abuse as a child etc...)   and i realize that my response to this is deep rooted in our history or the history of the dynamic of our marriage and our divorce.

so the public situations just ad to the anguish.

so how do you respond to public situations like these?  
is this just another way to push me out?

[ocean]

Do not engage with the other parent at all. Use e-mail only for communication. Have the child take what they need to and from school. Pretend that the parent is not there and make alternate plans. We get all info we need about school and activities from the places ourselves. Do not rely on ex for your info.

Except for the school volunteer thing. I would go up there with my divorce decree and the law that BOTH parents have equal access. Tell them you will continue to volunteer as usual until there lawyer can give you written explanation why you can't. IF they are still allowing volunteers then you have every right to be there.

Ex is still not over you and wants to make your life miserable. Try to laugh it off and move on.

Good luck!

[iceclimber]

what about other parents...
when you suspect it has something to do with the other parent and what they have said.
on one hand i keep saying to myself, maybe i am just imagining this... but then my friend attended a game this weekend (and i haven't spoken to ANYONE about the situation other than this board). after we left she asked what was going on with the parents and why they were treating that way.
so it is noticeable. she actually told me that if i wasn't sitting there, she would have gotten up and walked away from them.

certainly this time around, i don't have proof. all i have to go on is past history. parents in the past have come to me telling me that the other parent has bad mouthed me to them. so i don't feel it far fetched to think that it could be going on here.

i am torn between... do i confront the parents about the behavior.. or just leave it alone.
it is difficult, because i like to be very involved. this is hindering my involvement. and this isn't the first time... i'm sure it won't be the last. and our son repeats seasons at this association, playing with the same kids and same parents.

i guess i will just have to learn to deal.

i just wondered how others deal with these issues.

[Kitty C.]

Remember those?  Someone who wants to make themself look big by putting other people down?  Same thing, just add a 'few' years.

If your participation in these events is frequent enough to become casual acquaintences of these people who have been told this garbage by your ex, then give them a sporting chance to make up their own minds.  It's obvious the lady you spoke of in this post didn't believe it, or she wouldn't have come to you to ask.  If she had believed it, she would avoid you like the plague, right?  Most people can see right through that BS, and it appears he's spewing it often enough that they are starting to do just that.

Keep your ears open and don't hold off anyone who questions you about it.  If they are asking, they are doubting.  He's digging his own grave all by himself and it appears he's digging pretty fast!

[iceclimber]

the lady that came to me already knew me and was someone from school... not this activity.

this is different...

DS hasn't been in this activity for a couple of seasons, so these are new parents to us. so apparently they are believing it.

i wish they would ask.

[ocean]

Just ignore...have someone else go with you...other family. Then maybe invite some of then over for a play date or a birthday party. Parents can get ugly more than the kids especially at sporting events.
I would focus on the kids and be there for them...ignore the rest, smile and say hello...they will come around.