Sleeping habit questions...

[dcurtain]

Good day folks!

My dilemma: I have 2 children, ages 7 & 11. When they are with me, they each have their own room. When they're with their mother, I think they share a room & maybe bed...she's renting a small 2 bedroom cottage on a lake.  The problem is my 7 year old son wants to sleep in his sisters room when they're here. Not in the same bed..he's happy sleeping on the floor with a sleeping bag or a flip chair (fold up chair that lays out into a 'bed').

Last night was their first night here in over a week and he got pretty upset when I wouldn't let him. I did end up letting him sleep with me in my bed - but he agreed tonight he'll sleep in his bed.

I'm not sure how healthy it is for him to sleep his sisters' room every night - even though she's ok with it for the most part.  My thought is that she's his security blanket and really the only 'constant' between both homes...

Have any of you encountered this? Opinions on allowing it? If not, advice on how to communicate it to him?  Thoughts?

Thanks in advance for your help..

G'day!

-D

[MKx2]

I think I would discourage this habit, AND talk to you STBX about it as well.  Certainly they are very young, but your 11 yo is going to be "coming of age" soon, and I honestly think it not the right thing to be doing.  It will be even more difficult to break this habit when this does happen - all of a sudden she is going to get very private about her room and things like that, and then you're left with trying to explain something that YS just might not be ready to hear, and it will become that much more traumatic for him.

I fully understand the issue of the "constant" but do you not live in the SAME house the four of you lived in prior to separation and divorce?  This is NOT a new home ... YS still has the same room he had before doesn'the?  Now tell me this - did he sleep in her room then?  That should give you the answer as to what should be happening.  

I think before it gets too out of hand or one parent begins to bash the other about sleeping arrangements, perhaps you and STBX should have a discussion about this situation.  Mom may have to sleep on the couch when she has the children, thus giving her room to YD and the remaining room to YS.

None of this has to be done harshly, without regard to YS's feelings and emotions, but IMVHO I think you should start the transition and have Mom back you up by doing the same thing at her home.

Just my 2 cents.

[dcurtain]

Yes, I am in the same house and he has the same room as does my daughter.

They have had 'slumber parties' in the others' room before, but not on a regular basis by any means. The occasional, and only on a weekend. But, you're right about the coming of age. It's already begun.

I will discuss with the S2BX, hopefully she'll be willing to assist...But, I'm not sure as her sleeping on the couch was supposed to be happening anyway...I guess I should discuss with her....it may be and the reason for him wanting to stay in her room might not have anything to do with it. An assumption on my part...

Thanks!

[nosonew]

You know, I think I would post this one with one of the docs on the board.  Find out what they think about it.  

He is too old to sleep with his sister, due to hormonal changes and all, even if there is no chance in hell that he would do something, it could be used against you.  

Perhaps you can sit and read to the little one in her bed until she falls asleep?  Start a new night-time routine at your home, lots of fun, books, stories you make up, etc., to keep it light and non-scary.  The little one may have her imagination running away with her and habits for them are hard to break...I'm trying to get my 3 yo dtr to sleep in her bed instead of mine! LOL So far, NO LUCK!  

Good luck....nosonew

[LizaLou1]

My daughter can be so to the point sometimes.  She used to want to sleep with me all the time.  But, when I told her she's a big girl now with her own room she quickly pointed out (with a straight face) that I don't sleep alone so why should she?!?! Now I ask, how can you argue with that logic ?(LOL).

You might consider re-decorating the child's room in his fav motif, be it dinosaurs, horses, sports or whatever.  In our new house, my daughter, age 6, picked out the colors and helped paint her room.  She picked the linens and such as well.  I framed her art from school and hung it on the wall.  It is "her" room because I encouraged her to take ownership - to make it special.  She loves her room now and thinks its "cool".

She still likes to sleep with me when DH is out of town, but we do lots of special things when he's out of town - you know girls night out!

Best of Luck!

LizaLou