Joint custody

[WAdad]

My ex-wife and I have joint custody of our two children as of June 2003.
The court listed my ex as "custodial parent" and now I am feeling the wrath of those 2 words.  She seems to get final say on any parenting question that comes up and I am left to "Just deal with it"  I faithfully pay my child support every month (although I have my children in my home more than my ex), I try very hard not to rock the boat as it were, but I am tired of not being able to say "Hey, wait!  I dont agree"
Is there truth to the rumor I have heard that says I can petition the court to remove the "custodial parent" so that its not on any one of our names?  Would it make a difference? I just want to be heard too! I actually have a billion questions I think I have really had my eyes shut and now I'm afraid its too late. DO DADS REALLY HAVE RIGHTS?  I dont want to ask for full custody it is important to me and my children that they are with thier mom just as often but I am really starting to get the blues.. any suggestions and/or answers would be great.

[Peanutsdad]

As your case was just settled in June 2003, unless there is a significant change in circumstances, its unlikely filing a new motion now would do more than burn cash for you.

Unless the children are neglected( and documented as such by cps or police), abused, ( same test applies), mom has hooked up with a nefarious child molesting bank robbing piece of dirt,,,,,,,then if those circumstances have been met, you MIGHT have a shot.

As long as mom is considered a decent parent, and with the ruling a yr ago,, I really dont see any hope.


Now,, on to your CURRENT orders: READ THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have JOINT legal,, read the papers to see what you DO have a voice in.

If it is vague,, THEN you CAN file a new motion in court to have the joint custody defined.

[joni]

Have your attorney write a letter explaining to your Ex's attorney what joint custody means.  The title "custodial" parent doesn't give you the trump card to overturn her decision.

Typically what happens is that who ever is has the child is making decisions to look out for them while they're in your household.  Such as taking them to the doctor.  You can take them to the doctor when they're at your house, don't need her permission.  Or you want to enroll your child in an extracurricular activity when he's with you, you can do this, as long as it doesn't interfere on her parenting time without her permission.

The major decisions, like school, church should be decided together.  If she disregards your decision, you could take her to court.  But...unless she's made a bad decision, you're going to look litigious and petty and pi$$ off the judge.

[lah101]

I faithfully pay my child support every month (although I have my children in my home more than my ex)

If you have kept track of the time the children have been in your home, and it is truely more than she has then, then you have the right for a change in custody.  Download the Parent Time Tracker from this site and see for sure.  

Now as far as joint is concerned--and going back to court--well, I hate to say this , but you are in a state that just still doesn't seem to want to acknowledges father's rights.   But the thing is--by you showing that the children are in your home more now anyway, then that is a change of circumstances.  Be glad that they are-that is usually not the case.  You might also want to ask for 50/50 as this is really what is in theBEST INTEREST of the children.
Good Luck,
lah101

[mango]

We have 50/50 plan "joint equal rights custody"for 10 year old SD, but BM is residential "for school placement only". That is it. However, THAT gives her a ton of pull too. Final say, etc etc. (seems to anyway)

She enrolls SD in music lessons (no discussions with dad), activities, and good ol dad has to comply to all (take her to the lessons, and pay for half). We are in court now over a "7 day a week" swim club (very demanding). That is nearly impossible for our family to drive 35 minutes to and from etc. daily with a family of 5 (2 other kids of our own under age 4 and one on the way). (Swim club is in BM neignborhood).

We are fighting that one tooth and nail. Dad should have some say of his 50%. Not a slave to whatever mom wants to put her in to inconvenience dad and his entire family 7 days per week. (ok I'm ranting now.....)

The stuff now is tough enough: BM never calls to inform us when stuff is cancelled, so we drive there and discover that instructors had called BM, but BM didn't bother to let us know. Wastes our time.

Boy was that a mistake on our part. And the school alone treats us as outsiders. We have to jump through hoops for an order form for school pictures etc etc.

I doubt changing your order would help. Seems someone has to be the "superior parent". (even if they are unworthy...)

My opinion.

[Bolivar OH]

Here is a cut/paste of some definitions.  As Peanutsdad said  "Now,, on to your CURRENT orders: READ THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Shared legal custody"- continued mutual responsibility and involvement by both parents in major decisions regarding the child's welfare, including matters of education, medical care and emotional, moral and religious development.

"Shared physical custody"- a child shall reside equally with and be under the supervision of each parent for specified periods of time; provided, however, that physical custody shall be shared by the parents in such a way as to assure a child frequent and continued contact with both parents. The child is not required to reside with each parent for an equal amount of time during any given period.

"Sole legal custody"- one parent shall have the right and responsibility to make major decisions regarding the child's welfare, including matters of education, medical care and emotional, moral and religious development.

"Sole physical custody"- a child shall reside with and be under the supervision of one parent, subject to reasonable visitation time by the other parent, unless the court determines that such visitation time would not be in the best interest of the child.

=== also =====

CUSTODIAL PARENT - the parent a child normally lives with, and the one who makes legal decisions concerning the child. There are several different types of custody arrangements. (see child custody section in your state).

NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT - the parent who does not have physical custody of the child, and who typically is paying child support to the child.

CUSTODY - the legal right and responsibility to raise a minor child and to make decisions.

JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY - a form of custody of minor children in which the parents share the responsibilities and major decision-making related to the child. (see child custody section).

JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY - a form of custody of minor children in which the parents share the actual physical custody of the child. (see child custody section in your state).

SOLE CUSTODY - a form of custody in which one parent is awarded both physical and legal custody.

SPLIT CUSTODY - a form of custody in which the actual time of physical custody is split between both parents, which gives both parents the right to make decisions.

[Detter D]

>We have 50/50 plan "joint equal rights custody"for 10 year
>old SD, but BM is residential "for school placement only".
>That is it. However, THAT gives her a ton of pull too. Final
>say, etc etc. (seems to anyway)
>
>She enrolls SD in music lessons (no discussions with dad),
>activities, and good ol dad has to comply to all (take her to
>the lessons, and pay for half). We are in court now over a "7
>day a week" swim club (very demanding). That is nearly
>impossible for our family to drive 35 minutes to and from etc.
>daily with a family of 5 (2 other kids of our own under age 4
>and one on the way). (Swim club is in BM neignborhood).
>
>We are fighting that one tooth and nail. Dad should have some
>say of his 50%. Not a slave to whatever mom wants to put her
>in to inconvenience dad and his entire family 7 days per week.
>(ok I'm ranting now.....)
>
>The stuff now is tough enough: BM never calls to inform us
>when stuff is cancelled, so we drive there and discover that
>instructors had called BM, but BM didn't bother to let us
>know. Wastes our time.
>
>Boy was that a mistake on our part. And the school alone
>treats us as outsiders. We have to jump through hoops for an
>order form for school pictures etc etc.
>
>I doubt changing your order would help. Seems someone has to
>be the "superior parent". (even if they are unworthy...)
>
>My opinion.

[Detter D]

MY God, you just quoted my life.....

I don't believe there truely is joint custody...the one with
custodial in front of the name, gets to decide all the rules, even
if they are stated differently in a court order because if
you challenge them, then you will look as if you are whinning, and
judges do not want to be bothered with whinners...

I guess you have to (as was quoted to me) pick your battles,
and hope that in the end your child or children will see you for
who you are...a parent who really loves their child

[wendl]

WAdad,

I am in WA as well, what county is your court orders thru??

Let me know and I may be able to lead you to someone that can help you.

:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[almostastepmom]

We are in WA too.  Boy do fathers have a lot to over come in this state.  If you guys have any further court issues, let us know.  We are going back to court for more child support issue and are having a hell of a time trying to find a good lawyer and just don't have all the answers to the questions we need.
Good luck to both