Decided to write a booklet for adolescent males...

[4honor]

OK GUYS what one thing do you wish you were told as a teen? What might you have listened to from another guy?


4honor

[Peanutsdad]

Not to get married. Give em the stats on the financial stupidity of marriage.

[Bolivar OH]

Now that's funny!!!  - :)

   .....and very, very true.

[Peanutsdad]

hehehe,, yeah funny as in if we dont laff, we'll mostly cry.


Lets face it. I was lucky. My ex gf is a total fook up,, I OUGHTA feel ashamed for not paying her for all the free legal help shes given me.


The common theme I see here AND elsewhere is this: Obtaining custody by fathers is still more dependant on mom being a bad parent AND dad being a good one.


Over half of 1st marriages fail. That is indisputable. It is also indisputable that divorce and custody cases financially ruin most of those that go thru em. Thus providing a boon to the bankruptcy industry.


Currently,  the national average of fathers who win custody,, is what? less than 10%?



So,, tell the boys that IF they marry they have a 1 in 2 chance of becoming divorced, they have a 10% chance of winning custody of any children and should they NOT be awarded custody, they WILL be enslaved to the person they divorced for a significant portion of their life, OR they can spend time in jail.


So yes, I'd certainly blow away the myths about marriage in America for these young men, I'd have to tell them the truth.


You wanna see some changes in family law? Have an entire generation step up and have vasectomies. I can hear NOW screaming now. hehehehehe

[Red Five]

Good Point!

   But mask it like this - "Hey, dude, even if you get snipped, and she goes out to be a player herself, when she sticks it to ya for child support, she'll crap her shorts when you show it ain't yours.  Better yet, when she's busy being a playa SHE gets burned."

Red Five

[richiejay]

 .

[Astro]

I started writing and realized I was writing an essay--deleted that and will attempt brevity....

I wish I'd been told that the deck is stacked.  I wish I'd been taught the skills to deal with "losing" a child to a completely biased system.  I might have listened to someone telling me from their own experiences.  

I wish I'd known that 20 to 50% of my income could be taken out of my check for years--to be spent on anything but my child.

I wish that I'd been told about how truly spiteful some women can be when they want to. I don't think I'd have believed anyone telling me that, though.  It's one of those things you have to experience....

I'll stop there.  There--much better than the 10 paragraphs I had before!  It's two in the morning and I bet I could come up with some positive things tomorrow.... :)

[smtotwo]

taught, and this is from the mouth of my 20 and 21 yr olds, are
First of all,  Their Dad and I love them VERY Much and got along for their sake.    Thay both said that if they ever divorce they hope to be like their dad and I. We both drove regularly about 3 hours to meet 1/2 way for their dads visits.  We NEVER had a court order for visits, we just did it.

THe second was when you're angry with someone you love,  You have to hold their hand until your anger subsides.   When they were younger this was the best form of discipline for my kids when they fought.


THe other thing I wish I would have done, was not to use the fake baby from school, but to have each of them babysit for a toddler for a full 36-48 hours (with supervison of course).  I think that this would be much more effective than just talking to them.  Maybe start at 6 am and babysit through 8 pm of the following day.  What a form of birth control.

Unfortunately, none, of my 3 oldest are married.  23 isn't in a relationship right now, BUt my 20 and 21 yr olds both had babies in the last year.  After seeing what DH has gone through over the last 4 yrs they are scared to death of marriage!!

[Kitty C.]

'THe second was when you're angry with someone you love, You have to hold their hand until your anger subsides. When they were younger this was the best form of discipline for my kids when they fought.'

Best advice I've EVER heard, and it appplies to EVERYONE, not just kids!  In fact, it's exactly what DH and I need..........

[smtotwo]

Both my 20 and 21 yr olds said that they will use this form of "discipline".

I must have done something right anyway.