School work parenting

[pickupsticks]

My ex and I are waiting on another hearing for modification of custody. My wife has primary now but we are joint physical and legal.I have been helping my child study for the past two years over the phone since my ex moved 12 hours away.My child is 10. I have emails where I contacted the teacher on a weekely basis and even met the teacher before my ex did and she lived 20 minutes away. Boy that was embarrassing for the ex. ANYWAY..now that we are going through custody stuff...my ex has become "THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD". She now volunteers at school and helps my child with her schoolwork every night...which I love however it is only for "looks". Now she refuses to let me study with my daughter on the phone (only allows me to talk for 15 minutes twice a week) and will not give me her book bag when I visit so that I can review it. I still email her teachers but now she has requested to be copied on the teachers emails with me because we have joint legal custody.  Why is life so frustrating sometimes? She is going to convince the judge that this is her and  has been her for the past several years. IT IS NOT!!!!!!

[DecentDad]

You don't need to share your emails with her.  The teacher doesn't need to share the emails with her.

Bottom line is "Who cares?"  That's not a make-it or break-it issue.

You should have long-distance phone call records showing your 2 years of calls to your child, to help her with homework.  You'll be able to show where the calls suddenly dropped off due to your ex.  You have copies of your correspondence with her teachers.

You'll have no problem showing that you're very involved with this child.

The bigger problem for you is that you are 12 hours away from your child.  Joint physical custody ain't going to be a realistic plan when the parents are so far apart.  That's your big issue here.

Without knowing much else, your ex has primary 12 hours away.  Judge is likely to rule for that to continue, unless you can show your ex to be psychotic, drug-abusing, and dangerous.

Failing that, you may want to suggest to the court that you'll appreciate some time to move to your child so you could exercise joint custody on something close to 50/50.  Perhaps ask the court for 12 months to accomplish your move, after which 50/50 begins, and negotiate the best parenting arrangement possible in the interim.

As she has an attorney, and you don't, so you are going into a huge disadvantage in court.

Start reading some books ASAP on strategies in child custody, even if you're not savvy in the court room.  It'll help you focus on what's important and what's not in determining the custody outcome.

Best,
DD

[pickupsticks]

The question becomes do I really want to follow my child around when mom has moved twice in the past three years. The first time 14 hours away and now 12 hours away. She is unwed and living close to a military base which is more than likely the next man she will find. Military guys move all the time. How can I keep following her around? Are you recommending I simply state that this is my intentions and then not move or are you saying I should move? It's very rural and I am accustomed to the city.

[DecentDad]

Then quit whining, live in the city, live far away from your child, and be done with it.

You're asking for advice, and people are telling you what's necessary for you to do.

Being in the city is more important to you than being near your daughter, so that's your choice.  Nothing wrong with that choice, but it comes with consequences.

[pickupsticks]

Sorry. I guess I am simply frustrated. You are right.

[wendl]

We all get frustrated.

And just because you have joint legal doesn't mean the teacher must provide the mom with the emails you and teacher send back and forth. Joint legal means you both have a say in education/ medical and access to school records. Doesn't mean you must provide mom with emails to and from the teacher (just my opinion)

The best bet is to move closer to your child OR put in the court order that mom cannot move out of said city without the approval of the courts. Worth a try.

Best wishes.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[mango]

We have similar situation. Right before custody modifications teh BM became the best mom. Made claims that Dad was unavailable with teh school etc.

It worked in her advantage. She was unemployed and made lots of face time with the school.

She too is a nomad, and moved 13X's to varios locals.

However, we did manage to stipulate in our last round of custody, that if she moved once more, for any reason, anytime, to anyplace outside of the childs current school district, the father would get automatic custody. Since he was more stable and had not been moving around.

Not sure why he didn't get residential in first place. Guess it's a gender thing.

So if you move closer, get it written that she needs to get stable.

That was our focus. But she dwelled on face time.