How do I speak with evaluator without bashing the Mom?

[Eagles_nest]

Hello and Help!  This is the first time I have posted.  I read SPARC website and pass info on to "non-custodial Dad."
   
I am going to attempt to give a somewhat detached synopsis of the events to date; please bear with me and thank you in advance for any advice.  I am NOT here to vent; I really and truly need some good, sound advice.  Here's the situation:  Unmarried parents separate; girlfriend ("Mom") leaves boyfriend ("Dad") and takes their 2-year-old daughter ("Daughter") with her.  No court paternity papers are filed.  Utter chaos ensues, as Mom habitually threatens Dad that she will leave town and he will never see Daughter again.  Dad consistently pays child support.  Mom denies Dad parenting time except when convenient for her (i.e., Mom "allows" Dad to see Daughter only when Mom needs a babysitter).  Mom moves in with her new boyfriend (who happens to be Dad's very own brother) and proceeds to attempt to alienate Daughter from Dad.  Dad and I meet.  

Two years later:  Dad marries me ("Step-mom").  Dad has joint legal custody; Mom has physical custody (residential placement) of Daughter.  Daughter calls both Mom and Step-mom, "Mommy."  Dad has maintained a very close-knit relationship with Daughter in spite of Mom's attempts at parental alienation.  

At Present:  Mom has since broken up with Dad's brother and has entertained a revolving door of men in the presence of Daughter.  Mom has placed Daughter in stressful situations, including threatening to kill Step-mom, said threat was made in front of Daughter.  Dad and Mom are presently in a heated custody dispute.  A psychological evaluator has been appointed to the case.  Daughter is 7 years old and has stated that she wants to live with Dad and Step-mom.  Daughter spends the night once a week and every other weekend with Dad and Step-mom.  Mom refuses to send an overnight bag with Daughter.  Dad takes Daughter to school one day a week, following the overnight stay.  Mom habitally shows up at Daughter's school following overnight stay at Dad's, interrupts Daughter's class, takes Daughter out of her class and makes her change her clothes, because *Daddy's clothes are dirty.*  Daughter's teacher is witness to Mom's actions, but has not spoken to Dad about it.  Daughter informs Dad of what Mom is doing.  Dad has informed school social worker of situation.  

Can Dad simply request that Daughter's teacher sign an affidavit documenting Mom's actions?  Teacher does not want to *get involved.*  I maintain that the teacher is already involved in that she has chosen to look the other way.  The school social worker states that Mom's actions are not *normal* and that actions of said type can certainly make a child feel uncomfortable.  We all know this is classic Mom's attempt at alienating her child from her Dad.  

You should also know that when I was dating "Dad," Mom had me, Step-mom, falsely charged with telephone harassment; the Judge ruled not guilty due to Mom's *rather vague testimony.*  Ever since I married "Dad," Mom appears to be unreasonably obsessed with making false accusations against me regarding Daughter.  Any advice on how to speak with the psychological evaluator about Mom and her actions without bashing her?  Our lawyer wants me to speak with the evaluator.  

[joni]

//www.deltabravo.net/custody/guide.htm

//www.deltabravo.net/custody/evalfaq.htm

//www.deltabravo.net/custody/practice.htm

//www.deltabravo.net/faq/eval_ans4.htm

//www.deltabravo.net/custody/eval1.htm

//www.deltabravo.net/faq/eval_ans2.htm

//www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.htm

[gipsy]

here's the deal with these evaluaters .
   1 , Don't assume they are intelligent or will get to the truth
   2, Do not in any way try to convince them of anything you think
   3, They have to come to there own conclusion
   4 as many have expierienced on this site , Evaluaters GALS And the like are Likely to be Fruit cakes with some wierd agenda of there own
   5 Ya don't handle snakes with your eyes closed
   6 , So why would you give a probable idiot too much info
   7 Take the high Road Wich is broken down below
     [ A], Spend way more time talking about the good relation ship that is going on at YOUR GOOD Home then what a screw up the other parent is ,  
        The reason is this , If the Mother is making up stories then Let the evaluater figure it all out , [IF) they can  , That way the Mother has the egg on the face for lying
        [C) What i figured out through out My case is this . If you involve your self in mudslinging What the court see's is exactly that MUD!!
        [D] If she is doing the Mud slinging and it comes out as untrue then It looks like she is causeing the problems
        [E] If you do a bunch of Mud slinging and she lies her way out of it , And I guaruntee If she is the psycho you say she is she is at Genius level Lying and game playing ,
        [F] If you are like most of us You are not a genius level liar
        [g] You will lose the mudslingers ball
         [H] So revert to #7 Take the High road
              And Spend your time being a normal Person and a good parent , Of course with out Trying to be so overly done that the evaluater Doesn't believe it .

         And the high road is this . I did this, do not do it , Do Not admit to ever doing anything that is a long time ago Or any time ago that is not a proven fact , And You can lie your ass off to the evaluater and tell a storie that is like you just walked out of the perfect childhood . the perfect marriage , and the perfect carreer , And they won't really be very likely to investigate Any of it , Let Me give you an example
    My case . Mom Sexually molested As a child, well know liar con artist home wrecker , Public exobitionism , Showed me her tits in the window , Offered Me blow Jobs , Came over . For back rubs and stipped her self naked .
   Went to the evaluater and told the evalueter this perfect storyof a balanced life , when every one that has Had Much to do with the psycho steers way clear of her and is glad to never see her again , And I would be too , Except I went over to investigate after her many offers of free sex,
   
   I went to the evaluater told the evaluater that I had talked to people that knew these things about her ,
     Mom goes to the evaluater and say's I had looked these people up and was the reason for their alienation toward her
   The evaluater took Moms side ,
    Mom also told the evaluater I had done a number of things that I did not do and produced a false letter to verify that I had been at her school Of Massage ,[Oh How that fits the behavior]And caused her to not get a job etc , at the school
    I told the evaluater to go to the school and verify the letter , He did not verify crapola . And reported in moms favor .
   I did none of the things she said I did , The end result was very little and the outcome was about what it would have been any way , There really wasn't any reasons for the court to see to change custody , As long as the court doesn't find this psycho as a complete psycho slut from hell , HE HE !!Ya right , So the bottom Line is take the high road . And stick to what the good things are at your house , It seems to me that  Other people on this site have expirienced the same , And it seems the more you try to talk bad about the other parent the less they like you , And again psycho's are experts at lying and twisting virtually any thing to beyond belief , , So do not arm a snake with anymore venom , Kill them with kindness , And then Maybe One tenth of it should be the real issues , about the killing Step mom and stuff , and the school,
  But if for one minute they think you are talking bad about the other parent in an effort to destroy there position You become the bad one , And I garuntee it , You are now A good parent , You are now a good parent , Repeat repeat !!! And so is hubby !! Repeat !  , And one last twist . DO NOT say any thing about this or bad about the mom to the kids , I made this mistake also , And MOM  Wore this into My sons brain , And he went to The GAL office and reported . And the GAL was so stupid she didn;t think it a bit odd that a four year old came to her office and reported that dad said moms a bitch several days later ? I'll kiss the ass of any one that can tell me a four year old remmebers what was said and who to go tell several days after the incident , I know my son Wasn't iven remmebering  Part sentences at that time . Let alon three day's later . Its a jacked up system . Its way more likely that  Less Is more [Get it] The less  Bull You do the more they look at who is reaaly doing the BS , I'm not saying don't tell the GAL about the crappola . But I am saying remmeber these people see this crap every day , And In my opinion Have to be a little jacked up to ever even want to exist in such a job , Beware of snakes , Just Be a good parent

[Brent]

I think this will help answer some questions:

Presenting "Negative" Information
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/example.htm

[gipsy]

I have been through the whole Game from beginning to false allegations to the end . And the link provided From Brent , And the links on this site Are Helpfull , And as I See it on the completed End of My case , Did help me , This type of thing is sort of like being blind sided , And This site helps to open up some info ,
      Best advice given to Me By my atty
    " spend more time trying to be the good parent then trying to show how bad the other parent is "
    This  Is what seems to have proved itself out at trial . there was not a lot of time spent trying to say how bad the mom was in My case  , And Even her atty who  comes on as the big bull dog atty , Did not spend a lot of time going over Things to discredit Me , Most of the trial and My testimony was about what I do with My son and How I treat him , And that was what was asked of My  witnesses ,No  atty asked .If I forgot His socks , Or was late for a transfer , Or missed a visit , Or If I gave Him food that he wasn't supposed to eat , But before trial all this stuff was written from her atty , and it was all written in Declarations and statement's , AND SEEMED LIKE A BIG DEALL  , But most of this crap is a waste of your time and the courts at trial . Its very difficult for us . Not being atty's to even know what will be important at trial ,But My general picture is , They are certainly going to need testimony that you are a good parent , think of it , You go to trial and every witness bores the Judge to tears about what a screw up mom is ,And At the end of trial how is the judge going to know that the Kid is in good hands at your house , The only way is for your atty to ask your witnesses ,  And Think of this , do you think the judge is going to want proof of what people say about the BAD MOM? , WELL YES!! So is there proof?   Then the second part is , The judge is going to pretty much listen to the Guardian ad Litem , So . Again read the link provided By Brent , As My expirience is , That Is pretty much true , And  think about this , Do you think the GAL's  Hear what a bad parent , Your ex is every time , The first GAL  Asked all the questions , And when I tried to say what I thought about the mom SHE SAID MAKE IT QUICK!!!    They don't want to hear it . Unless she is a criminal or the child is in danger , And the one thing the GAL was interested in was I said the MOM , Locks her self in th house and won't come out , And I wonder why , Then the GAL asked Me questions about If I thought the child was safe etc , While  bieng locked in the house with Mom , , But  other than that The GAl did not want to hear me say the Mom is a psycho and etc etc,